I've never been alone. I went from my mom and dad's, to living with my exwife, to living with susan. I mean there's been short periods of time like when I was in florida for a few months, or when susan would go to ohio, but I have never had the ALONE in my forseable future.
Alot of people are alone.
Am I hanging onto my marriage so I don't have to be alone? Am I better off without everything that comes with that marriage? I am weighing the benefits and drawbacks of *loosing* my wife alot lately. This woman has left me 4 times now. I have never had the security I should have had.The deciet, the lies, the double standards, the financial irresponsability, the cold heartedness, the lack or spiritual support and partnership.... who needs it.
Now someone else gets to inherit all that. Lucky guy. Man i thought my first wife was bad.... yeesh.
So as a husband how was I? Would she have been a better wife if I had been a better husband? How the heck will I ever know that? I can guess the answer is yes... but I may have been a better husband if she had been a better wife. I ended up with her under very bad circumstances, wrong circumstances. I have madi and sammy now, thank God for them, but maybe this season is at an end. This all just seems so unreal, like... this cannot be MY life. no way could this happen to me.
I know what I did wrong and what I did right. I won't make the samemistakes again. I'll just make new ones, of course. but I'll sure try harder. How long is it going to take me to heal? How long will it take to find someone new? I thought I already did... but that's another story. I know I am not the greatest guy, I know I can be arrogant and self centered. I know I can go off in my own little world.
I always liked alone time, to get away and do *my thing* well, haha....now that's all I have. I was distant too often, too often about myself and not INVOLVED.
I am paying a very high price for alot of wrong decisions over the last 8 years. So are my kids. all of them. My wife started out a young sweet girl. Now she is... gone.
I have all these pictures on the walls around me of how things used to be and could have been and should have remained. Part of me wants to take them down,part of me wants the reminder. That was a huge part of my life. I'll never get over her by turning away from what was. I have to face those demons head on and feel all the emotions and not hide from them. God give me the strength to let go and heal. and let me cry.
Hang in there brother. It is never easy. It is important to accept your responsibility in the failure, but don't let that blind you to her part. Very rarely does one person cause a marriage to fail. It takes both of you to destroy the bond God places on that relationship.
I doubt that there is a single person on here that has not gone through what you are going through. That doesn't make it easier, but it lets you know that you can prevail.
Now that you are aware of the mistakes you made, it is time to get right with God. It is the only thing that will bring you peace. Embrace your relationship with Christ, and He will heal you. He is not known as the Comforter for nothing. Don't dwell on her, dwell in Him.
Thanks Bro, I know there is alot of people on here who can relate. That's why I feel like I can open up. It's odd but it's kinda theraputic to just browse through profiles and see what other people have to say about themselves and thier experiences.
You know the song *Slow Fade* by casting crowns? Wow is that true. Looking back I can see how long the road was that led to where I am now. Some of it was me, but I think most of it was her. I honestly don't think she is a believer. There has never been consisten fruit in her life and just a strong propensity to the rejection of the things and ways of God.
I have been unequally yoked for 8 almost 9 years, and wow what a distraction it has been. I guess I am really interested to see what it would be like to have a real God centered relationship, one that turns me towards God, not away.
I am not desperate, I am in no hurry, I will just focus on the Lord and walk with him alone for now. and raise my kids.
Hah, I was up until 7 am this morning praying and worrying and hurting, etc etc. Finally got about an hour of sleep.
I asked the Lord to speak to me and I opened my bible and here is the first thing I read.
from 2nd corinthians 12
9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
God cracks me up. is that perfect or what? I am so weak right now....
He walked by and patted you on the back with that one. That was Him saying, I am here, just be patient. I want to show you something. Be blessed my friend.
You said- "I am not desperate, I am in no hurry, I will just focus on the Lord and walk with him alone for now. and raise my kids."
I feel the same way. I told God that I would wait as long as He wants me to wait. I think Lydia said it best when she said something along the lines of: we just can't get it right when we do it on our own (regarding relationships). So true.
Be strong especially for your children and find your comfort in Christ. You sound like an amazing dad.
Know that you are in our prayers. I have prayed for you a few times.
Wait on the Lord ... but also don't be so focused on being alone that you don't recognize someone that God sends to you. I see a number of Christians that are either desperately dating and searching, being led into the sins of the flesh, or pridefully turning up their nose at anyone who comes into their life, believing that God will send them "The One" - but "The One" being determined by *their* standards, not God's.
As my old pastor used to say, "the reason you don't have anyone in your life is because *you* aren't ready for the relationship God has for you." Many of us carry baggage from our previous relationships that needs to be cleared out before we will be ready for the relationship God has for us. Some of us have tasks that God wants us to complete before bringing us that relationship.
I submit that every person that is in your life is there for a reason -- it's up to you to figure out, with God's help, what that person's purpose in your life is. My pastor tells the story of him resisting what God was telling him for two years before he finally gave in and accepted the woman God had for him. How much easier it would've been if he would've accepted it when God first laid it on his heart, instead of refusing God!
When susan left the first time, I started out handling everything right. Then sure enough, I lost my way. I fell back into some old patterns that were very self destructive. I called her one night and told her that because she left all the good things in me were gone (they almost were). I thought SHE was the source of what made me a good guy in alot of ways and that SHE was the one that was holding me back from some of the things I used to do. Or rather that SHE was the TOOL that God had been using to restrain and uphold me.
Man was I wrong. I could NOT figure out WHY she would come back to me, if only for a short time, only to leave again.
Well, I figured it out. FINALLY. When she came back, the good things about alex didnt come back with her. I thought they would. In fact I got worse. She was a terrible influence on me. With her back in the house things got WORSE not better.
So God took her away again, or drove her off or whatever. let her go, whatever. And I've been sitting here going HUH? WHAT?
Her leaving again RESET ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It drove me down on my knees and to my face before Him. It FIXED THINGS! He brought her back to prove to me that abiding in HIM is what makes me the man he wants me to be, not some woman, no matter who she may be. Man when I came to this conclusion today, it floored me and I cried out practically screaming THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!! down on my face in tears. Oh the relief. I get it now Lord, You cared enough to hurt me to save me. I know it must have killed you to see me hurt as much as I have been. Thank you Lord, Thank you, Oh thank you so much.
GLORY GLORY Halelluia!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE MY GLORY GOD!!!!!!!
Well, my wife just came to pick up our 2 and 4 year old to take to stay over night until friday with this guy she left me for. This is driving me crazy.
Madi says, daddy why does mommy sleep in a bed with phil now? I tried to reason with her and ask her to not do stuff like that in front of them, or even to have them over night there. She says *it's ok thier young enough, they won't remember."
I cannot reason with her. Has anyone else dealt with this? What in the world do i do? Shes only known this guy for a few months and met him online. she doesnt know this guy... how can i trust my kids around this fool? I mean a guy who would take a married woman away from her husband and live with her... cant have much character, at all. I dont even know how long shes going to be with this fool. argggg.... i am sooooo mad.
