...Him in darkness OR you try and implement change?
It's a new relation that seems to be developing between you and his guy. He reflects such eagerness and willingness to get it right this time though he'd rather not say much about the previous relationships' not working out. You respect his resistance attitude from these subjects, anyway it may not be wise dwelling on conversations about your exes' when you both have a new fragile thing developing here!
But somehow you not feeling at ease as your mind wonders why won't he open up about his past, you wonder from time to time what could have happened? Does it stand a chance of repetition unless spoken about and seeking necessarily help of dealing if not preventing all together?
Until you eventually notice his facial expression when seeing people expressing affection publicly! Can be either through hugging or kissing on cheek or forehead. He perceives it totally inappropriate and feels uncomfortable seeing people doing that. You now have an idea of why he often disconnects and withdraws whenever you're trying to get through him with certain subjects that you feel the importance of talking about.
Weather you decide to stay or you pull out for the sake of your unborn kids growing without experiencing their fathers' affection, fore this hinders the development and a growth of a child. How do you bring this concern to his attention and give guidance of the necessary help without draining the little remaining hope and a courage that he had when he met you? How do you make sure that you don't leave him feeling rejected and disarmed in darkness but rather ensure that his left refreshed and helped weather things do work out or not?
Perhaps this guy does not have the love language of touching. Maybe his love language is doing things for others, or giving gifts.
Just wanted to give you another perspective on what you have seen in this guy's reaction to public displays of affection. He probably can show love, but you may be interpreting it based on your love language instead of his love language. Just a thought.
The question is not based on a personal encounter, was only something that crossed my mind and triggered an interest on what the ladies have to say on this.
Interesting rely you shared, though I must admit that I'm not really clued up about the 5languages of love. Maybe I should take advantage of this moment and kindly ask you to educate me through a little summary of how different are these types of love and how do they work? Perhaps I can also find myself on what you'll share.
Lets see, from what I remember, the languages of love include 1) Acts of service, 2) Gifts, 3) Physical touch, 4) Words of Affirmation, and 5) Quality time.
Each person has a way they express love, and that expression can fall into one or more of these categories. It is interesting and helpful if you know (or can figure out) what your loved ones way of expressing love is, so that you can show them love in their own language.
Extreme Example: My primary love language is Acts of Service and Quality Time . . . and my least favorite way of being shown love is Physical Touch. Lets say that my future husband really enjoys hugging and giving back rubs and holding hands all the time (physical touch), and he thinks that he is showing me how much he loves me by doing that to me and I think he is being super annoying, but he never helps me build the shelves that I started working on a long time ago (quality time and acts of service), then I will be super frustrated and believe that he does not love me. And if I spend time reading the book he likes to him or raking the leaves so he doesn't have to do it, he may think that I don't love him because I am not giving him a hug every 3 seconds.
This is an EXTREME example, but if you understand how another person expresses their love, then you can pick up on what they are trying to tell you.
In your original post, I just thought that maybe the guy was showing love in a different way than showing public displays of affection(physical touch), which seems to maybe be the way you enjoy showing love (just based on what you wrote in the OP)
. . . also, PDAs in certain Christian circles are not acceptable, and maybe he grew up in such a society?
It does help thank you! I suppose I'll have to wait until I'm in a relationship to learn and discover myself's nature of expressing affection.
I pondered on this for a while:
�My least favourite way of being shown love is Physical Touch. Lets say that my future husband really enjoys hugging and giving back rubs and holding hands all the time (physical touch), and he thinks that he is showing me how much he loves me by doing that to me and I think he is being SUPER ANNOYING�
Wouldn't it be better if you were to clarify this early when meeting someone you like, being aware that you'll most probably encourage further steps taking place from liking to nourish love development that may occur between the two? Be specific of your ideal love expression (which is act of service and quality time) so you connect and invest in a relevant person who may be incommon with you on this!
I think it will cause misunderstanding if two parties who are in a love relationship are not common in their category of 5languages of love. It may really be disturbing to the other if he/she feels shuttered down when communicating, just cause the other part feels somewhat "annoyed" and "turned off"
I'm taken back to the conversation I had with my cousin sister when she was concerned that her boyfriend has never said in words that, �He loves her too!� Instead he'd find the nearest thing to share instead of communicating verbally which I just learned that it's �word affirmation�
He'll give her a fruit for example, to make a first bite and then he'll also eat from the same fruit. They'll share until it ends! When the other part feels frustrated that she has said that, �She loves you� passionately and all you can do it make me eat a fruit? :excited:
She found it creepy,
When the other part could have meant well!
Much appreciation for educating me on these, had I known earlier I would have shared with her the 5languages of love.
Exactly, right on! I absolutely agree with your assessment that it would be better to figure out each others love language early on. And I was just using an extreme example of two people who were in a relationship, but didn't know what the other person was trying to show in my example above.
My suggestion would be to figure it out early on, and then if you have a hard time expressing your love in the way that the other person enjoys, try listening/experiencing through your partner's view point.
I believe the 5 love languages are meant to be used to understand why your partner is doing/saying the things they are doing/saying. It is more a key to unlock misunderstandings than to say that someone would not be a good match for another person. A way to read between the lines, or a way to translate/figure out the language you are seeing/hearing.
As I said in the previous post . . . my lowest/least favorite type of love is physical touch, BUT because I know that, I am able to compensate for it with certain people. My parents and siblings know I don't like hugging or touching others very much, but they also know that when I do, it is because I know they enjoy hugging or physical touch, so I do it to show them love.
Maybe I shouldn't suppress this any further than I have already; I can't help wondering about Ruth's expression of affection.
�When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down.�
What expression is this?
What is she communicating?
In which category of the 5languages of love is she belonging to?
Thank God Boaz was on the same page with her fore I can't even begin to imagine the vulnerability she would have endured had she been misunderstood, disapproved and shattered down!
Her expression was too risky, (almost dangerous for her too) romantic and intimate! I think she falls under �physical touch and act of service.� That's my assumption when trying to understand what she could have meant when lying on Boaz's feet; she communicated submission and willingness to pursue given �instructions� with humbleness and selflessness!
