By Mr Nice Guy I mean the chivalry type of guy. The guy who writes poems, letters and notes. The guy who buys flowers, candy and gifts. The guy who opens doors, takes your coat and pulls out your chair. The guy who sends good morning and goodnight messages everyday. The guy who goes out of his way to be gentle, kind and caring. You know, the guy who women say are smothering and clingy. Why reject that guy when he's trying to be your Boaz? So many Christian women say they want their very own Boaz but reject him when he comes along. Do y'all really not like the attention or do y'all just not like it from somebody you don't find attractive?
May I suggest that you find out what she likes, needs or wants from you and do that IF it fits with who you are.
On a recent date, we were in an area where there happen to have live music, outside, on a warm night. I made a big deal, excited, with a huge smile about how much I love music, especially outside on a warm night. I really do, so I said it and meant it. We later talked about going to see a show of a mutual friend in the future.
I don't know what you think a knight in shinning armour looks like but what you've described si not what I'm interested in.
13 Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand. 14 And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive: 15 for this people’s heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them.
True enough, both "sides" have their own problems that a lot of times mirror each other.
As I said before "nice" is a requirement but not the ONLY requirement. Every person (keeping it neutral) has their unique requirements that they themselves don't get to choose because it's automatic. There are requirements that can be altered but the common myth is that ALL requirements can be altered.... fortunately we are not robots and our uniqueness matters.
Which leaves us with the responsibility of investigating ourselves and figuring out which requirements are fixed and which are variable, a proper needs vs wants assessment.... problem is most people never bother and then wonder why nothing ever works out for them and (as has been wisely pointed out to me) they then blame the opposite sex for everything. Responsibility is tough.
Another angle I hinted at before in the previous thread is that some people actually WANT you to be mean to them... my current theory is that woman especially want a balance of elevation and oppression unique to each woman which of course confuses any "normal" guy completely at least initially.... logically it makes no sense at all but everyone forgets that elementally a woman is much more an emotional than logical creature.... woman typically are logically stunted in favour of emotion and men typically are emotionally stunted in favour or logic....
The only solution to this conundrum in the end is to self-inspect and stop overthinking everything. Stop trying to fit circles into square holes and approach the opposite sex in ways that actually work instead of the ways society indoctrinates you into believing religiously.... or be a "radical fundamentalist" and actually READ the bible you claim to believe in specifically Gen 3:16 which in it's second emphasis states "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you".
Basically orignal sin had the result of woman having a actual NEED to be ruled over which means she REQUIRES a man that will take control and not exclusively "be nice".... the "always be nice in all things" doctrine is a fool's errand that almost never actually works out long term and it's not exactly difficult to test out as you have clearly noticed. Another common problem is people rebelling against this reality because they conflate "rule" with "tyrrany".... of course anyone that even partially thinks this through comes to God=Tyrant which half the time is where most modern relationship problems stem from.
What the woman that typically keeps getting into abusive relationships actually needs is a strong competant ruler however she never TRUELY self-inspects and keeps making terrible choices. The same thing happens with men wanting to be a ruler but instead they just become tyrants instead.
The most common advice to remedy "nice guy's finish last" is sheer common sense really. Be yourself, be nice, don't compromise on needs or truths in favour of wants and ease.
Pardon me Rambo but again with all due respect, I posted my question under the ask a girl forum and not the ask a guy forum for a reason. The question was not intended for men to give their own personal beliefs or thoughts on but for women to explain their's. I don't mean to sound rude but you are NOT a female and can NOT get in their head and think or answer for them. I simply want to know from women why women has such a hard time accepting nice guys when God tells us to be nice! This is a "Christian" dating site but it seems Christ is being left out. If I wanted the same 'ol worldly advice and responses, I'd go back to Facebook... Thanks for understanding, God bless.
From my past experience this kind of Mr Nice Guy does not go for one woman. He goes for many women and tries to impress them all while pretending as if she is the only one. Mr Nice guy does not have all those show offs. True love comes from one's heart.. What comes from the heart so the man speaketh. Our God is not a God of quantity but of quality. Gone are the days when we were turned on with artificial behaviours.
So, Chioniso, are you judging all Mr Nice Guy's and placing them in the reject pile just because some people in your past done you wrong? Judging others based on what somebody else did is not a very Christian way to act. Women and MEN have to get out of that mind set, it is of the world and not of God. Have a blessed day
greatgaroo, If the man is not without the woman in the Lord, how can the men in the Lord not answer for the women?
Rejection - We can be all things to all people and we'll still encounter it time and again.
Chivalry - I once opened a door for a woman I had a liking for. She walked through the doorway and continued on unawares of the gesture. As I was holding the door, a stream of unaccompanied men passed through thereafter, each thanking me on their way by. The woman I was with had gone ahead without me, oblivious that I was still holding that door open for others. That's chivalry brother, I opened the door for the woman I knew, and held it open for those men I knew not because it was the right thing to do. If I had held the door just to impress the woman, I'd have soon let it go to slam into the next oncoming guy.
There is a relevant moral to the story: The ladies here are discerning and I would advise you to be accommodating to your brothers as you would the women. Be consistent with singleness of purpose and your running won't go unnoticed. Whether you valued it or not, Rambo took the time to offer you counsel and you basically door slammed him for having the temerity to burst in on the conversation.
Soberly, man up, and afford women the liberty to judge whether you are a man of integrity or not.
Sevendust, all I can say is this. Again, this question was posted in the 'ASK A GIRL" forum for a reason. I intend NO DISRESPECT towards anybody. You do not know me at all, I too hold the door for anybody who is coming in behind me or going out before me, regardless of gender, race or age. It's the nice thing to do. I also let anybody with less items than me go first in the checkout line but the bible tells us NOT to brag so I don't mention that type stuff. We should never let our left hand know what our right hand has done. I have no problem with a little friendly "BIBLICAL" advice but I don't care two cents about the same 'ol worldly talk I hear consistently. The bible warns us of listening to worldly babel. I say this as humble as I can, If any of you men want to add to this conversation then please keep it biblical. I simply ask a question to Christian women and would like their answers, that's all. God bless you
