When I was growing up always had the concept I would get married, have a family, friends and a job. You know, the regular everyday thing most people have. At least all the ones I know and grew up with.
I'm XX years old now and, well, can't help that feeling I been robbed big time in my life.
The few women I ever had in my life are but faded memories, longest relationship was 5 years (Never do that again with a non-believer), but was always called the Good Guy (little did I know what that really meant. hehe)
About the only good things I had was a job, and that too is now gone.
I have a big family (relatives) and they always showing their family, kids, grand kids and so forth. My immediate family is just my brother and I. The only 2 who never married or had kids, well he never wanted to and he dates all the time, but me I wanted to but seldom ever find a date. I have fallen into this weird this for the past 10 years, feels like I'm hallow inside. I pray a lot and do my best to follow what Jesus tells us.
I spend more time alone than I can count, and not because I want to. My few friends are married and got kids. My friends and family tell me the stupidest things about cheer up and this and that, yet, they have never walked in my shoes and spent most their life on the outside looking in.
If I have a long line, one end would be +100 (never been this happy ever) and other end is -100 (its been 3 seconds I should have died) in the middle is 0 (neutral). I'm always stuck at -10 (melancholy). Was an extrovert till I was about 30 then just got tired of being alone and watching everyone move on in life while my I was anchored to the ground. Now I guess I'm an introvert. I don't visit with anyone and just mind my own business.
Now and then I go out to eat, but don't even look around, but I listen and hear a wide range of discussions.
Its as if I'm removed from society (now days that is kind of a good thing).
There is just no where to meet anyone, I won't go to a bar, been to many places and events, and could have saved money and time and stayed home. The church offers nothing for singles, but they offer everything for kids to dating to marriage. Singles are very marginalized, more than ever, at least where I live. I can not remember the last time they preached on singleness, yet they sure do preach about couples.
Ya, kind of mad, frustrated, very tired over all, spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I think mainly disappointed, my life has had the worst timing for meeting ladies. Always on rebound, or just broke up....
So, besides the obvious and trudge on feeling the effects of brain fog about everything. What have some of you done?
Dating as we get older is harder for most of us. We all have history of good and bad relationships. So we all have different triggers that reminds us of those relationships. When we hit one that triggers a bad relationship we tend to try and protect ourselves from that pain again.
For me I'm just trying to work on myself. No longer looking for the fairytale but instead looking for the friend.
Barnowl, Have you found a church which you can become involved in the body of Christ? I looked to see if my cousin's church was close. They established a church in California, but not close enough.
Hey Raffie. I understand your position. Living in radical Washington State doesn't help for even many of the so-called Christians have turned away from the LORD's call for our lives. He knows what's best and I believe He has us where He wants us. He is King after all.
I could write a long essay here about what it is like to be a women in my forties only to be told 'Do not hope for a relationship, just focus on God and ministry'.. (many of us singles hear that ..)
And that is what I am doing. Focusing on God..
Still, most of us are wired for intimate connection with another human being.
Spot on that churches cannot and often do not want to deal with singles..
Except if they are divorced.. then they are comforted, cuddled and included.. and everyone around them supports them in their quest for a new spouse.
I am a bit tired to see someone getting married for the third time while singles (never married ones) are ignored..
Prayers your way..
and one comment on your profile: it is rare to see someone in the US who likes mushroom foraging!! kudos for being so well educated lol.
I can in some way empathise with your current malaise because I used to be disconsolate with my repeated failure to achieve what I imagined my life should be. I often felt an emptiness of sorts because I would give place to my fanciful imagination when my mind was not fully governed by the actuality of the truth.
As a young man who sought to marry, I imagined what it would be like to be married (daydreaming) and my imagination of what was not present (a wife) was responsible for much discontentment in me. It was only when the reality of the better hope filled my heart, that the resulting contentment gave me an inner peace which diminished any preoccupation to be lost in thought about a woman or marriage.
You wrote: "What have some of you done?"
Put plainly, I was compelled to man up and have done with my self-absorbed unhappiness. I no longer give much thought to the appearing of the woman who I would take to be my wife, or the life I would lead with her. And I have come to accept that during my own season of singleness, it was profitable for my attention to be undivided in the Lord.
Being single is not some hopeless impediment and marriage is not a God-given right, because God in His sovereignty will grant singleness or marriage as He elects to do. The pleasure and fulfillment a man or woman can derive from being single only differs from that of a married couple, in the Lord it is no less.
The preparations we submit to in our season of singlessness serve to make us a finer child of God, and potential spouse. Marriage is the consummate instrument for a man and a woman to bring to bear the length and depth and height and breadth of God's love, so keep the faith and come to life, because your disposition will go a long way toward determining whether a woman's heart is opened to you beyond the bound of brotherly love.
I am divorced, not by choice, but my life was threatened. I originally had hoped to find a good male friend who might become something more. I either receive NO messages or I get the kook that loves me from my photo ?? and wants to marry me tomorrow. so i use the delete button. I keep busy with many different interests, but i do miss having someone who loves me and I love him back.
May the holy spirit be your comforter.Something in me believes there just has to be someone for you out there.Its just a bit hard to process how there can be a lot of good single men and women in church but still can't come together and settle down
