Divorced men are assumed to be the instigator of the divorce, instead of the victim.
Even when the man is the victim, it is assumed that his wife must have had a good reason to divorce him, so he must have deserved it. The divorced woman is viewed as the victim. She can do no wrong. It is always 100% the husband's fault, no matter what.
None of these assumptions are true.
Blaming the victim is like telling a woman who was raped, that she deserved it. The man who raped her must have had a good reason to do it, so the woman deserved to be raped. It is 100% the woman's fault if she is raped, no matter what. But this isn't true.
Obviously rape is a crime and we shouldn't blame the victim of a crime.
Consider two men. The first is a good Christian his whole life. He has no criminal record, doesn't do drugs, doesn't sleep around before marriage, etc. He gets married and is a good husband and father. But his wife leaves him anyway, through no fault of his. She is convinced by social media that she married too young, she should have explored her options, she lost her freedom when she married, etc. So she divorced him. He continues to take care of his children, but no woman wants him because he is divorced. Shame on him for being the victim. He is doomed to stay single.
The second man is an atheist most of his life. He sleeps with dozens of women, and men, and animals, and whenever one of his girlfriends gets pregnant he forces her to have an abortion. He is a drug addict and criminal. He is a sex offender and goes to prison for rape and murder. After getting out of prison, he is baptized and goes to Church. He joins CDFF and his profile shows that he is single with no children. A perfect match for any woman! Way better than those wicked divorced men. Or so they assume.
You're right. Saying it is always 100% the husband's fault is absolutely not true. That said, it takes two to tango. I don't know all the details of your personal case Kristo. Divorce often can occur due to accumulated resentment. A question to ask is what caused that resentment?Something has to occur for the lady/man to decide to hop on social media to check out new eye candy and decide to divorce.
Given the two scenarios you provided, both men are sinners and need a savior. The first one will have to adopt more perseverance relationship-wise. Women are hesitant to commit to a divorced man fully because of stereotypes associated with masculinity (wife beater, liquor worship, control freak. etc). They weren't there to witness and experience what you went through. Women sin too.
Going by info in your profile, you have a nice profile that details your values and morals very clearly. The details saying you're anti feminist and those private details about your ex (leaving no room for her to defend her side) can receive negative feedback from the ladies and can be associated with the stereotypes that divorced men receive. The onus unfortunately is on you to disprove you don't fit the stereotypes. Not saying what your ex did the right thing and as a man, I can see where you're coming from.
Just saying the tone in language can matter to women and even men too. It's good to be aware of this when interacting. As a strong man who is raising a son alone, you can take the initiative to set an example of the kind of language you would want your son to use when speaking with other sex. You certainly don't want him to end up in the same situation as you with the amount of pain you endured. Don't let pain influence your future. Don't let pain influence his future. Plenty of verses in the book of Proverbs about tone of voice and speaking wisely (way before the times of political correctness). Stay encouraged brother.
Good valid points the moral of the story is not to judge a book by is cover and ask God to reveal the persons true nature, motives and intention and expose anything about them that is the darkness to bring it to the light of your awareness ...
