Morgan, you have a habit of behaving as though your feelings about God are somehow equal to God’s revelation of himself.
Your first mistake is feeling that your relationship with God is based on your own worthiness.
But basing one’s relationship with God upon one’s personal worthiness would make anyone feel terrible. First of all, you’ll never feel worthy because you CANNOT make your worthy !
I have bad and good news.
First the bad news—in your unsaved condition you were unworthy (EVERYONE who is unsaved IS ALSO)
But your saving relationship with God isn’t based on your worthiness AND NEVER WAS—-it’s based TOTALLY UPON GOD’S LOVE AND MERCY‼️‼️‼️ See Romans 5:8 But God proves His love for us in this: While we were STILL SINNERS, Christ died for us.
A sinner isn’t worthy‼️‼️‼️ In fact a sinner is soooo worthless he’s fit only for hell‼️
Since you are saved Morgan, your worthiness came STRAIGHT FROM God when Jesus saved you and MADE YOU HOLY, (made you worthy).
Please see Titus 3:5 he saved us, NOT BECAUSE of righteous things we had done, but because of HIS MERCY. He saved us through the WASHING of REBIRTH and RENEWAL by the Holy Spirit,
Now, BY FAITH, you need to start believing that‼️
In other words, for your own peace of mind and confidence, ask God to help you with your doubts and start believing God‼️
I also don’t want to come across as if your kind of weaknesses are unique only to you.
Lots of people look inward only to see unworthiness sinfulness and failure.
Over the years I’ve learned to confess and turn these things daily over to God. I often read and “pray” the Psalms out loud because I find in them the exact words that accurately express my restless inner despondency.
Romans 5:20 The law was brought in so that the trespass might increase. But where sin increased, grace increased ALL THE MORE
Morgan, I have no idea why your father thinks the way he does, I don’t know the whole story, BUT when are you going to start believing GOD’s word as follows:
THIS IS THE Wisdom of God
I Corinthians 1:26 Brothers, consider the time of your calling: Not many of you were wise BY HUMAN standards; not many were powerful; not many were of noble birth. 27But GOD CHOSE the FOOLISH THINGS of the world to shame the wise; GOD CHOSE THE WEAK THINGS of the world to shame the strong. 28HE CHOSE THE LOWLY AND DESPISED things of the world, and the things that are not, to nullify the things that are, 29SO THAT no one may boast in His presence.
I Corinthians 1:30 It is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God: our righteousness, holiness, and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.”
I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU MORGAN BUT I GET ALOT OF ENCOURAGEMENT from those verses.
I was a very despised person, often picked on and called names including “stupid and dumb” in the public schools I attended and even worse names at work sites later in life.
I don’t believe in the foolishness of MAN FIRST self-esteem, which is NOT taught in the Bible.(despite the fact some Christians follow secular humanist man-centered psychology at this point).
I unapologetically believe and accept only GOS FIRST centered esteem, which IS taught on the Bible. No one can attain a true biblical understanding of themselves UNTIL they truly understand and esteem GOD FIRST.
God has words that are Spirit and life, man has them as death and without the Spirit..
Luke 21:36 Watch ye therefore, and pray always, that ye may be accounted worthy to escape all these things that shall come to pass, and to stand before the Son of man.
2 Thessalonians 1:11 Wherefore also we pray always for you, that our God would count you worthy of this calling, and fulfil all the good pleasure of his goodness, and the work of faith with power: