What is true love and how do you know when you have found it?
Posted : 17 May, 2009 09:02 AM
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
�I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)
This verse describes the characteristics of true love. These qualities can certainly be found in the person of Jesus Christ, and they can be found in all truly loving relationships. The problem with trying to �find� love in our dating lives, is that too often we don't look for these characteristics. Rather we look at physical appearance, popularity, or wealth. These are not the qualities that God looks at and neither should we.
But the LORD said to Samuel, ��The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.�
�I Samuel 16:7b (NIV)
Love is best seen as devotion and action, not an emotion. Love is not exclusively based on how we feel. Certainly our emotions are involved, but they cannot be our only criteria for love. True devotion will always lead to action�true love.
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with ACTIONS and in truth.
I John 3:18 (NIV)
Christ was devoted to us enough to give his own life for us (Romans 5:8), even when he didn't feel like it (Matthew 26:39).
Sex is not love! Our culture has taught us that sex and love are one in the same. This is a lie. Sex is a beautiful God-given activity that is wonderful when practiced within the boundaries of a Biblical marriage. Sex is the completion of the binding of two people within Biblical marriage; it is a God-given gift.
PRE-MARITAL SEX
Because premarital sex is not love, it only leads to pain and disappointment for those who are seeking that love. The Bible says that when two people are married, they become one flesh (Ephesians 5:31). Sex is consummation of that union. When two people break off their relationship after having sex, it is like ripping apart flesh. This is why two teenagers will struggle so much and become so dependent on those they give their bodies to. In light of I Corinthians 13:4-8 (above), it is easy to see that premarital sex is not patient, it is not kind, it does not protect, it is self-seeking. It is not love!
IDENTIFYING TRUE LOVE
We can only identify true love and know when we have found it, based on the Word of God. When we match our relationships up to what the Bible says that love is�and we are honestly prepared to make a life-long commitment to that person�then we can say that we are truly �in love.� The three keys to that statement are:
We have to�
look at the Word of God
be completely honest with ourselves
understand the level of commitment that comes with true love
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Online dating is not wrong--it's just one more way to co-create your life with God.
I am primarily a pastor in Southern California, but I also serve as a spokesperson for Faithmate, an online dating service. Not long ago, I was interviewed about the site by one of the leading gospel radio and magazine personalities in Houston, and we were bombarded by callers questioning whether the church should support online dating. I held my own, but the conflicting views of callers placed us at an impasse.
I was about to reach into my bag of rhetorical persuasion when my host was asked, �How did you meet your wife?� His response was shocking: �Online.� He went on to extol the virtues of meeting his wife on the Internet and the happiness they now share.
I believe Christian online dating is just one more avenue to meet people. It does not replace conventional ways of meeting, nor does it add to or negate the intellectual and cognitive process associated with establishing a relationship. It simply puts more potential prospects within your reach.
You scrutinize a person online as you would if you met them in any other context. The criteria you use to decide to be with someone do not change online. The same potential for people to deceive you in person exists on the Internet, so you must use discernment either way.
There are advantages to being introduced to someone by a friend or a relative. First, there is the comfort of having someone whose opinion you trust make the recommendation. This person, who knows both of you, can also be a good source of advice. And should it seem that something is going wrong with the relationship, this person likewise becomes a source of comfort.
There is no such safety net when you meet someone online, but one advantage is that your decision to continue or stop a relationship is not influenced by a third person to whom you feel obligated because he or she made the introduction.
But there is another, spiritual issue surrounding online dating: the guilt instilled by some Christians who accuse online seekers of not waiting on God. My response to this argument is that the Internet is simply a place to position oneself in a larger arena. How many people position themselves for dating in the church by being available for a plethora of different services, going to conventions, singles ministry functions and all else that the church offers? There is nothing wrong with that. It is putting oneself in a more effective position to wait on God. It does not mean you are desperate. To the contrary, it simply means you are ready for the next level.
One of the mistakes we often make in the urban Christian community is to become extremely mystical in our quest for solutions to life�s issues and challenges. We speak so eloquently and ebulliently about what God is going to do in our lives as it relates to certain essentials.
Two of the more common issues are our financial and personal relationships. We are repeatedly told that God is going to do marvelous things for us in our finances and relationships. After myriad prophetic utterances and prayer lines, no one ever thought to ask the prophet or preacher, �How is God going to do it?"
In many instances, we want God to do things for us but not through us. This seems to be the stumbling block that keeps our faith from moving from the mystical to the practical. God does more through us than for us. In fact, God does it for us by doing it through us!
We are co-creators with God. In the same way that you will not receive a check in an envelope postmarked �heaven,� you will not receive a husband or wife lowered from heaven through your chimney. You and I have to participate in the process of achieving both success and a good relationship with the right person.
We need the opportunity to be exposed to a larger universe of potential mates. Indeed, if there were enough candidates in the local church, many of us would have already found a life mate. We need to broaden the playing field to a larger market of potentially qualified mates.
Online we can literally browse through thousands of profiles and reduce the numbers of prospective candidates without the laborious, agonizing, and expensive prospect of going out with the many to find the one! This is the joy of online dating.
Proverbs 18:24 says: �If you want friends, you must make yourself friendly.� Online dating is a wonderful way to communicate and to efficiently assess someone�s character and personality. It is through communication that we identify the qualities and dispositions others possess. Online, we have the freedom to communicate without fearing someone�s reaction as we would necessarily do if we were physically in their presence.
This is what Faithmate and other dating sites are designed to help us do. Being online simply widens the playing field.
