I'd highly, highly recommend a book by John Eldredge called "Wild at heart." It may seem at first like this doesn't address what you're getting at, but I think it does in a roundabout way. The partner book for the ladies (written by John and his wife, Stasi) is called "Captivating: unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul."
Basically the purpose of the books is to explain the differences between men and women relating to how they were created and why they were created the way they were. I'm sorry - I can't do these books justice! They are both phenomenal and I think would help men in their walk to be a true man. We're in a messed up, broken world where men don't even know what a man is, and women don't even know what a woman is - or what either is supposed to do, nor why. These books get into that, and I think they do an excellent job of it. They also explain, at least in part, some of the consequences of the fall.
Anyway, just thought of this when I read your post.
Hi Dutzeagle - it's good to see you back. I haven't been able to be on here much the past several months, but when I saw your "goodbye" post, it saddened me. You were gone already, so there seemed no point in posting a reply. Welcome back.
We've all been hurt in some way here - but you need to learn not to take too many things personal. I had to learn this. In fact, being on the online dating scene really helped to toughen me up and realize a lot of things. I was never really on the "dating scene", so much of this is very new to me.
Because I had to turn down some ladies too, I learned a few things about when I'm turned down:
-don't take it personal. They see something you don't, and see that you just wouldn't be compatible
-don't take it personal - we have NO idea what's going on on the other person's end. They may not be interested, or they may be somewhat interested, but they happen to be pursuing someone else to see if it goes anywhere. Or they could be in the hospital! :laugh: You have NO idea why they haven't written back, and often it's because they're not on this site anymore.
-make sure you try other sites; I really like CDFF, but the population is small unfortunately.
-even if a guy turns you down, don't assume that he's happy about it. More than once I've turned down a lady that I actually kinda liked - but I knew it wouldn't work. I'm here to find someone too, so it can be just as disappointing for me to say "I'm sorry, I don't think we're compatible" because it means I'm striking out too.
-keep plugging away: We're all striking out here. Some hit a home run the first person they communicate with on here, others are on matchmaking sites for YEARS before they find someone. It's not always your fault! But use it to learn and to grow in Christ. It could be you're doing some things wrong - I had to learn that. Or it could be you're hear to learn patience (oh, YAY)
-your distance may or may not be a hindrance here. I'm Canadian, I'm looking exclusively for a Canadian woman (a variety of reasons for this), so obviously that cuts down my opportunities here drastically. So i sympathise with how you may feel somewhat isolated on line as well as geographically.
-I've been burned too by those who start corresponding, and then just suddenly stop, those who never write back but have been on line and read my messages, and those who misinterpreted my simple friendliness by responding with "I don't think we're compatible."
I've also gained many great friendships here - you're doing the right thing posting on the forums. You get to see what other people are like, and they get to see what you're like.
Yes, nothing spurns more hope, joy, and sorrow in the hearts of singles than to hear those words "We're getting married!" or to go to a wedding....and go home single again.
But a few years ago, I learned a profound question. Okay, quite a few years ago... don't make me go there :laugh:
- I had been burned BAD in my first attempt to pursue a woman. She got married to another guy - long, painful story that would take too long to explain. Let's just say that I was so hurt, that I avoided weddings for the next year - and when I drove by one, I wanted to swear in my mind. One day, this happened, and the Lord spoke up: "Do not curse what I have instituted."
I clammed up pretty quick after that, realizing what I had been doing. I began to focus more on the beauty and symbolism of marriage. It's still hard going to a wedding -sure, but I take lots of notes for my future wedding.
Hmmm... I don't see anything wrong with those questions, except perhaps "What kind of family would you like to have?" That might freak some guys out, but really - I don't see any problem with what you've been asking here.
I've heard a few people say that people were talking to them, and then just suddenly stopped. I have experienced this once myself so far. I think there's a lot more to it than what you're doing, and that is the down-side to online dating - you have NO idea what's going on on the other end unless the person tells you.