It's not just the girls who don't answer messages...the guys are just as bad! Seriously, I've been on this site (as well as a few others) since 2009, and have contacted dozens of guys. Only a handful of guys ever responded. I've managed to have two short-lived dating relationships thanks to dating sites, but that's it.
Anyway, on to your profile. I thought it was fine. The whole divorced-with-a-daughter thing would be a turn-off for me, but I'm not everyone. Height...yeah, that could be an issue, but I know several happily married couples where the lady is quite a bit taller than the man. If you must mention the height issue in your profile, though, you might try a different approach. You come off a little defensive. Hope this helps!
If I were a few years younger... lol! All joking aside, you're profile isn't bad. It gives me an idea of your interests and what you are looking for, but it's a little confusing. Are you looking for a wife? Or just a buddy? I THINK you are looking for a wife who will also be your best friend, your favorite activity partner, etc. But maybe you could say that more clearly? Also, check your grammar and spelling...but then again, I'm really picky about things like that.
Hypothetically, have you ever found disappointment when meeting someone in person?
Posted : 4 Apr, 2013 09:50 PM
I've met three online matches in person. The first guy was pretty homely in the pictures he posted online, so I wasn't expecting much when we met in person. He looked better in person than he did in his pictures, though, so I wasn't disappointed. His personality probably contributed to the way I saw him, too! He wasn't what most people would call "good looking."
The second guy looked pretty average in his online pictures. Not bad looking, but not drop-dead gorgeous either. In person, though, he was actually really handsome! He had an amazing smile.
The third guy looked exactly like I expected him to. Of course, it could have had something to do with the fact that even though we connected online, we'd met each other several times as young teenagers because we had a lot of mutual friends.
My advice? Meet sooner rather than later (as soon as you feel comfortable doing so), be safe when meeting, don't ignore red flags or anything that makes you feel uncomfortable before or during the meeting, and don't assume that you are "in a relationship" with someone you've not met in person, no matter how great he seems or how serious he seems to be about you. Also, have plenty of phone conversations and even video chats before you meet in person.
How did or do you parents react to meeting someone online?
Posted : 1 Apr, 2013 08:33 PM
Oh yeah, and there ARE creeps out there. And some of the people you meet online are NOT who they claim to be. But as long as you use discernment, and as long as you don't give out personal info, you'll probably be OK. When I've met guys in person for the first time, I made sure that we set the meeting for a public location where I felt safe and secure. I also made sure that the guy knew that he would have to face my family pretty early on in the relationship. My mom always felt better after she met the guy herself.
How did or do you parents react to meeting someone online?
Posted : 1 Apr, 2013 08:27 PM
Well... To start with, I made the mistake of NOT telling my mom that I was on a dating site. She and I are close, but I didn't know how she'd react, I knew she'd worry about me, and quite honestly I didn't know HOW to tell her that I was turning to the internet to find a guy.
About a month after joining CDFF, I started talking to a guy who lived 800+ miles away. After exchanging a few on-site messages, we managed to connect via the chat feature, and chatted for about 2 hours one Sunday afternoon. My mom wanted to know what I was doing on the computer for so long, and I just kinda blurted out "I joined a dating site a while back, and I've been talking to a guy from Missouri for a while now." She didn't say anything, just got really quiet and then left the room. My sister told me that my mom went to another room and cried. I felt terrible. Later that day, I asked her what was wrong, and asked her to forgive me for hurting her. She said that she didn't mind me being on a dating site, but was hurt that I hadn't felt like I could tell her about it. She told me to be careful, and told me that I should always feel free to talk to her about that sort of thing. (By the way, I got to be really good online friends with that guy, and even though we've never dated and never will, I'm glad I got to know him. We met in person a year after we met online, and a year after that, he stayed in my town for a few days and my family got to meet him. I also got to meet his parents. We still stay in touch, though it's unlikely that we'll be able to meet again.)
After that first time, I've kept my mom informed about who I was talking to online. It's not that she is particularly nosy about it. Instead, she just wants to know what is going on in my life; if I had met a guy in "real life" I'd tell her about it, so it's no different when I meet a guy online. Granted, I've only had a handful of communications that led to phone calls in the three and a half years that I've been on dating sites, and only two (not counting that first one I described above) led to actual meetings and relationships (both of which were short-lived).
First of all, let me say that at the young age of 18, I'm not sure why you are on a dating site! There are plenty of single guys near your age out there! But that's your business, not mine.
To your question about how to tell a guy that you might not be able to have children... Think about it this way: If you met a man who knew he might be unable to biologically father a child, how and when would you want him to tell you?
Personally, if I met a man who couldn't father a child, I would want him to tell me that when the subject of children/family came up naturally. It most likely would not change my opinion of him one way or another, unless he was obsessed with his problem, always felt inferior to other men because of it, still wanted his wife to have a baby naturally through the use of a sperm donor, etc.
I do my best to respond to every message I receive...but then again, that's not hard to do because I don't get many messages on here.
Sometimes it's really tempting to ignore certain messages, though. When someone from another country contacts me with a marriage proposal in the first message (yes, it has happened more than once), I'd rather pretend I didn't get the message at all. When someone has an antagonistic profile, and I am pretty sure that a "not interested" reply will only result in a hateful return message, it's a lot easier to just ignore the message. Still, I do try to answer every message, even though I'll admit that sometimes I just use the standard "I don't think we would make a good match" option that is supplied on this site.
To me, it depends on how you define "long distance." I dated a guy for a while who lived about 60 miles away (took 90 minutes to drive it, though, because of traffic), and we spent a good bit of time together. The distance was inconvenient, sure, but it didn't stop us from seeing each other. The relationship ended for other reasons.
On the other hand, I more recently dated a guy who only lived a few miles down the road...and we rarely saw each other. Our relationship was not geographically long distance, but it was long distance in pretty much every other way. He had very little interest in actually spending time with me; he preferred to talk to me on the phone or via IM. He would schedule dates about twice a month unless I specifically asked if we could do something together. After wasting 6 months on that relationship, we decided that it wasn't going anywhere and we called it off. We were well-suited for each other in most ways, but I needed to know that he actually liked being around me; his behavior indicated that he did NOT like being around me.
As for the traditional "long distance" relationship, it's not for me. I'm a quality time person, and I need to spend time with a guy in order to really get to know him. Online communication, phone calls, and Skype can only get you so far. If there's no possibility of meeting easily with the first month of communication, I don't see any point in hoping for anything other than online friendship.
At first, I found it distracting. There are quite a few people at my church who use their phones (or iPads, e-readers, etc.) in place of a paper Bible. However, they also have access to multiple translations, concordances, commentaries, study Bibles, etc...all at the touch of the screen. My pastor also uses an online program for his sermon notes. People can pull up his outline on their phones, and add notes of their own during the sermon.
Now that I'm somewhat used to it, though, the electronic devices don't bother me so much. What DOES bother me, though, is the people who use those devices to check their emails, facebook, pinterest, etc. rather than focusing on God for that hour. If the device distracts them from God, they need to remove that distraction.
