Two months ago (today) my mom died of cancer. I'm 43 years old, so I would think I'm a big girl now and could handle the realities of life. I was the one that handled her funeral arrangements, I was the executor of her will, and I didn't have time to grieve. I watched her die and was there with her daily for the last few months of her life while she was in hospice (and I held her hand as she died) - I never cried in front of her. I'm fortunate in the sense that I'm self employed so I could take the time off to spend with her in her final months.
I haven't opened my Bible or prayed since she died. I'm not mad at God, I'm just indifferent. And it scares me. I've tried to pray, but my heart isn't there - I feel like I'm talking to the walls. I've also started crying lately - there wasn't a day in my life that I didn't talk to my mom - the conversations were never deep, but more on the lines of "do you have a screwdriver I can borrow?" Our relationship wouldn't have been defined as close by people who knew us, but in our own way, we were very close. And it took her death for me to realize how close we really were.
When she was in hospice, there were nights that I stayed with her. She often asked me to hold her hand, which I did. Once she told me that the sofa bed they had in the room had to be uncomfortable and told me I should crawl in bed with her (I thought she was just being the worrier she always had been, wondering if I was going to wake up stiff and sore) - I refused because I wanted HER to be comfortable in her own bed. It wasn't until after she died that I found out she had made the same request to her best friend. What she wanted was to be held. This memory absolutely haunts me now. I should have held her. I should have crawled in bed with her, snuggled up next to her, and held her. Of all the mistakes I have made in my life, this was probably the biggest - I completely missed it. I dropped the ball and there's no making up for it.
I don't know how to explain it - I've asked God to please not leave me, but I just don't feel like talking. I've apologized over and over (talking to the walls feeling) for not wanting to talk or pray. I know I should be leaning on Him right now, but I can't. I'm not mad, I'm just hurting. I don't want to lose God, but at the same time, God knows when I'm insincere, so there's no point in trying to "fake" what I'm feeling.
Am I losing my salvation because of my indifference toward God?
I have no idea. But this is what kids say - I think they may be on to something.
�When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. Billy � age 4
�Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.� Karl � age 5
�Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.� Chrissy � age 6
�Love is what makes you smile when you�re tired.�Terri � age 4
�Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.� Danny � age 7
�Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss� Emily � age 8
�Love is what�s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.� Bobby � age 7
�If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,� Nikka � age 6
�Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.� Noelle � age 7
�Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still> friends even after they know each other so well.� Tommy � age 6
�During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.He was the only one doing that. I wasn�t scared anymore.�Cindy � age 8
�My mommy loves me more than anybody.You don�t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.�Clare � age 6
�Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.�Elaine-age 5
�Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.�Chris � age 7
�Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.�Mary Ann � age 4
�I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.� Lauren � age 4
�When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn�t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That�s love.�Rebecca- age 8
�When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.� (what an image)Karen � age 7
�You really shouldn�t say �I love you� unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.� Jessica � age 8
I agree completely. Sex is a HUGE part of marriage and absolutely should be discussed beforehand. If both parties are virgins when entering into the marriage, that could be a little different - however, "dreams" of the sexual aspect of a relationship even then should be discussed - they could still greatly differ. However, with so many people having already been in a marriage or "relationship," it is something that they most likely have definite likes and dislikes about. I can't imagine going into a marriage at this point in my life without knowing what my future spouse's preferences are. It could be a disaster and lead to a very unhappy marriage - in that area, anyway.
Imagine that your absolute favorite thing to do is skydive - but never talked about it with your future husband - only to find out AFTER being married that he's afraid of heights. Sure, there's still other things to do - but there goes your love of skydiving. Know what I mean?
Did anyone here see the movie Castaway? There was a parody done on what was in that Fed Ex box...the lady says, "Nothing really, just a satellite phone, GPS locator, fishing rod, water purifier, oh - and some seeds. Just silly stuff."
I would want that exact Fed Ex package. It is only ONE thing. :)
(Parody can be found on Youtube entitled "Castaway Parody." It's short and pretty funny!)
Thanks guys, I appreciate the words - I'm doing alright with all of this, I was just thinking and my thoughts ran a little wild. Lol My mom is born again and I know exactly where she is going - unbelievable how comforting that is. This thread doesn't need to turn serious at all. Leon is just a great man of God and it bothered me to see him reprimanded over and over for an innocent joke. (As if he wouldn't get it the first time.)
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding...
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.
Officer: Can I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: Oh, it's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: Yeah. Oh, but come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove compartment when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: You have a gun in there?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the lady who owns the car. She's in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the trunk?!?
The officer tells the man to hold on, backs off carefully, and calls for backup. Quickly, the car is surrounded by police, and the captain approaches the driver to handle the situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure, Officer.
Captain: Hmm, this license is just fine. Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open the glove compartment, please, so I can see if there's a gun in there?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
He opens it, and sure enough, there's no gun.
Captain: Would you mind if we opened the trunk? I was told you said there's a body in there.
Driver: No problem.
The trunk is opened, nothing in there but a spare tire.
Captain: The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove compartment, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too!
I have to say I'm glad this joke thread went over better than the one Leon (klmartin) tried to start. He told two jokes that in my opinion, weren't any "worse" than a few I've read in this thread, but he got completely chastised for them. (And they were funny, too - and he had copied them from another Christian site!)
Now that I'm thinking about it, it started with one person thinking it was inappropriate and the rest just kind of followed suit in their comments. I don't know about all of you, but I will never act like a sheep and just blindly follow what others say - my "sheepness" belongs to Christ and Christ alone. I believe that God gave me a brain in my head and a heart in my chest for the purpose of discerning for myself (through Him) what is right and what is wrong - and never, ever, for "going along with the crowd."
Sorry, I'm not trying to turn this all serious, but it did really bother me when so many people got after Leon they way they did. (One person even agreed with what others were saying, then said "lmao" to another persons post - does this person not know what "lmao" stands for? Lol)
Maybe I'm just cranky lately - watching my mom die is giving me a whole new perspective on living. And really, this is a good thread - life shouldn't always be serious. I just don't like it when I see things on this site (not this thread) that make me think, "Mr.Pot...meet Mr. Kettle."
A blonde sees an ad in the paper from a wealthy man looking for someone to paint his giant wrap-around porch. He's offering to pay $100 - final. The blonde goes to answer the ad, knocks on the door and says, "I'm here to paint your porch." The wealthy man asks if she understands that the MOST he will pay is $100. She nods her head, so he points to the paint and tells her to knock on the door again when she's done and he will inspect her work.
About 20 minutes later, the blonde knocks on the door. "I'm done!" she tells him. "You're done painting the porch already?" he asks, to which she replies "Yep! It's painted!" Not believing her, he says again and with an annoyed tone, "You're DONE painting the ENTIRE porch?" Feeling a little insulted at his disbelief, she puts her hands on her hips and says, "Yes. I told you I was done. And by the way, it's not a porch. It's a Lamborghini."
Let the beating of the dead horse begin in 5...4...3....2...
This topic has been debated for centuries and there has never been a "final" conclusion drawn and as long as we're on earth, there will never be a definite answer.
If you (and I mean all of you) are trying to convince a new Christian to believe what you believe, it certainly isn't going to work when you're talking Greek, grammatical structure, etc. That is going to make them either yawn or think, "Huh?" and move on to the next section. You're only debating yourselves and we've seen all the other times that this topic (along with baptism) has been posted, it leads nowhere. It gets into a WAY too deep, sometimes heated, discussion that produces nothing.
If a new member asks about this topic or a few others that are highly debated, that's fine - answer as you believe. But why bring this up constantly when we know what the end result will be: no agreement reached?