Quill
Shy guy needs a friend
- Gender
- Male | 60
- Country
- Australia
- City
- Hamilton Hill
- State
- Western Australia
- Height
- 5'7"
- Last Login Date
- Click here to learn more
- Age
- 60
- Eye Color
- Brown
- Body Type
- A Few Extra Pounds
- Hair Color
- Grey
- Ethnicity
- Caucasian
- Denomination
- Pentecostal
- Looking For
- Anything
- Church Name
- Freedom city church
- Church Attendance
- Every week
- Church Raised In
- Other
- Do you drink?
- 1 or 2 on occasion
- Smoker
- Often
- Willing to relocate?
- No way
- Marital Status
- Divorced
- Do you have children?
- Yes but they're grown
- Do you want children?
- Does Not Want Children
- Education Level
- Specialty/Trade School
- My Profession
- Disabled pensioner
- Interests
- I custom paint Nerf Blasters then sell them on my shop on Etsy. quillstarblasters.etsy.comI've written a novel, a book of "micro" stories and 4 books of poetry.
- About Me
-
I am an extremely shy guy... I'm caring, honest and loyal. I write short stories and custom paint Nerf blasters...
quillstarblasters.etsy.com
* * * * * * *
My experiences with God, life, and me.
This story was difficult to write but I’ll tell you a tale about God and myself. Once upon a time, my mother was pregnant with me. The doctor lost my heartbeat during the pregnancy, and my mother was devastated. The doctor gave her some meds to expel the dead foetus that week. A week later, my mother felt me kick. The doctor examined her and found my heartbeat. That was the first time God touched me, his hand protecting me.
Fast forward, time swirls to fourth grade and I was around ten. I had been feeling sad all the time. I went to my mother and told her I was sad all the time and she answered…
“Don’t be stupid, you’re not!”
So, I did what any young boy would do, to please his mother, I buried it deep down… and thus, my first mask was created.
‘PSALMS 42:5 “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed with me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour, and my God.”
When I was in my teens, my father was relentless. When he was alone with me, he said so many hurtful and mean things. When we were together with the family, he was as nice as pie. So, I continued to reinforce my mask. It worked so well, that no one realised how ‘sad’ I really was. I fooled everyone…. My parents, my friends, everyone.
Fast forward to seventeen-year-old, and my first breakdown. I completely lost it.
‘JOB 20:2 “My troubled thought to answers prompt me to answer because I am greatly disturbed.”
I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital. I was almost comatose at that point.
LAMENTATIONS 1:20 “See, Lord, how distressed I am! I am in torment within, and I am in torment my heart, I am disturbed, for I have been most rebellious. Outside, the sword bereaves; inside, there is only death.”
The next three and a half months were a bit of a blur. I don’t remember much although I do remember my father’s regular visits. He would come in and the verbal abuse would continue. He used to berate me, causing me an extended stay.
Flash forward a year… I met and fell in love with the love of my life. After a year, I married her in an informal ceremony.
PROVERBS 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.”
Within the year, a son, Peter, was born, and I was ecstatic. All the hopes and dreams about what he would grow into flowed around my mind.
Two years later, another son, Adam was born. That was around the time when Peter was diagnosed with Attention Hyperactive Deficit Disorder… and that’s where things got 'interesting.’ We now had two children, one a baby and one, seemingly demon-possessed. If you remember, Peter was my first born and I loved him so, but he would do dangerous things to himself and others.
DEUTERONOMY 21:18 “If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him.”
With Peter and my mental illness, it became harder on my wife. So, after ten years, she had had enough. She had found another man and took both the boys and left me.
EZEKIEL 16:32 ”You adulterous wife!” “You prefer strangers to your husband!”
Five years passed… I dropped into the deep darkness of depression. Nothing seemed to matter anymore.
JOB 20:2 “My troubled thoughts prompt me to answer because I am greatly disturbed.”
After many lonely years, I befriended my sister's friend. I started to go out with her… then she got terminally ill. We were going to the doctor, every two days. He ran a battery of tests but to no avail. After a year, the doctor did one last test and found out a bug had lodged itself in her lower bowel. With more loving care, she regained full health.
MATTHEW 9:22 “Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” He said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment.”
We married that year… and that was when my depression hit hard. After five months, my second wife had, had enough. She told me that ‘she’d found someone else, she didn’t love me and asked me to leave.’” A pattern was forming. So that was the end of the second marriage.
After the demise of my second marriage, I wandered through life, trying to find meaning but failed. Finally, I found it, of sorts, in a boarding house and I ended up staying for fifteen years. At that time, my depression was spiralling out of control… my thought patterns drove me to suicide. I devised an unusual way to die… I stopped all my meds, stopped eating, and started to drink eight litres of Coca-Cola a day. After a month or two, it worked! I passed out near my door. Eddie, a close friend, who also lived in the boarding house, found me, and rushed me to the hospital. I was deathly ill, I had multi-organ shutdown.
I fell into a three-and-a-half-week coma. They said it was touch and go, I was up and down from intensive care. One thing that happened while I was in the coma amongst other realities was that I met Satan. He was crouching on my chest, screaming at me. I could feel his weight on my chest and the spittle from his mouth. I “closed my eyes” and prayed.
REVELATION 2:13 “I know where you live – where Satan has his throne. Yet you remain true to my name. You did not renounce your faith, Antipas, my faithful witness, who was put to death in your city – where Satan lives.”
I had a Carer and she sat with me each day while I was in the coma. Then, one day, she came in and decided to pray for me, which was strange because she wasn’t religious... When she sat down with me, I opened my eyes and smiled at her.
For the next two years, I was in and out of hospital… and that wasn’t fun!
Finally, I came back to the boarding house. He slowly returned to the status quo…
One day, while living in the boarding house, a good Samaritan, beat on the door, the first
thing in the morning. It seemed the boarding house was on fire… One life is gone, and another has started. I moved on to another boarding house.
An ex-friend called me out of the blue. He said I should come over to Western Australia and paint Nerf blasters. After a month of ‘umming and ahhing, I decided to accept his offer and I arrived in Western Australia.
ISAIAH 36:17 “Until I came and take you to a land like your own-a land of grain and new wine, a land of bread and vineyards.”
For the first month, everything was fine, and then it started. It was tiny things to begin with. A few snide comments were mentioned, which I brushed off as maybe misheard statements...
PROVERBS 12:16 “Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook the insult.”
Then it got worse…
He often got angry, saying “he wanted the Nerf blasters painted in his style.” I tried to explain that I have my own style and that he wanted when he summoned me over and I couldn’t do “his style.” Things deteriorated from then. He would yell and scream, literally like a child. He had stated that if I ever left, he would “hunt me down and kill me.”
That was the straw that broke the camel’s back!
While he was at the pub with a few mates, I hastily packed and left. At that stage, I had been going to Freedom City Church for a while, so I called a friend and he put me up for a little while.
3 JOHN 1:8 “We ought, therefore, to show hospitality to such people so that we may work together for the truth.”
Fast forward a few years…
With the help from a social worker, from a mental health hospital, I was able to get a house of my own.
It’s 2022 now, I’ve been baptised twice... once at South beach in the beginning of June.
Mark 1:8 “I baptize you with water, but he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit.”
The second was at a lovely lady’s pool to renew my faith.
ISAIAH 40:41 “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
I still have my mental illness (Borderline Personality Disorder, Chronic Depression with suicidal tendencies, and High anxiety.) There are a lot of ups and downs, mainly downs but I’m still alive… And that’s something.
1 JOHN 4:16 “And so we know and rely on the love of god has for us. God is love. Whoever lives God, and God in them."
This isn’t my whole life but just the highlights… but you get the picture.
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- Coffee and a chat... but it's up to you.
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