AdamSimpson
Looking for a friend who doesn't have their head in the sand.
- Gender
- Male | 45
- Country
- United Kingdom
- City
- Norwich / London
- State
- England
- Height
- 5'11"
- Last Login Date
- Click here to learn more
- Age
- 45
- Eye Color
- Blue
- Body Type
- Athletic
- Hair Color
- Brown
- Ethnicity
- Caucasian
- Denomination
- Non-Denominational
- Looking For
- A Friend
- Church Name
- Anywhere they believe in Christ
- Church Attendance
- Once or Twice a month
- Church Raised In
- Catholic
- Do you drink?
- No
- Smoker
- No
- Willing to relocate?
- Possibly, who knows
- Marital Status
- Single
- Do you have children?
- No
- Do you want children?
- Want Children
- Education Level
- 4 Yr College Degree
- My Profession
- Graphic design/illustration
- Interests
- Bible, Jesus, Meditation, Exercise, Resistance training, Boxing, Muay Thai, Mental Health, Self-esteem, Spirituality, Graphic design, Illustration, Art, Creativity, Weight gain (muscle), Happiness, Progress
- About Me
-
Hello, my name is Adam. Welcome to my (very long) profile.
On 9/11, what do you remember? Why do you not remember the millions of good gestures that people would have carried out in the world on that day?
In the same way, I remember the unpleasant experiences in my life. Is it necessary to hide these experiences from people? Most people hide the truth, don't they? Would you rather know the truth or prefer listening to what sounds impressive?
I am a forgiving, empathic person. And I believe that I have experienced a change in my nature and behaviour by the holy spirit – which I received through meditation.
I have struggled with low self-esteem and confidence -- that began when people scared me on the council estate where I used to live -- continued after being assaulted by teachers at primary school -- further damaged me by bullying during secondary school -- growing up, I began drinking alcohol when I was about 15 years old. I used to get so drunk that I enjoyed the escapism from the sober reality of feeling fear. But getting drunk created more violent experiences, and I spent a few nights at police stations.
A memorable positive experience in my life was joining a gym. I was 19. (After feeling so insecure about my physical body, I got my mum to attach foam pads underneath the shoulder area of one of my shirts.) It was a great feeling to see some muscle bulk appear. However, I still felt I was in a violent world, and yet again, the insecurities manifested. I still felt insecure after weightlifting sessions (although much better than before).
When I was 20, I joined my first boxing club. In terms of feelings, this filled my void of fear. My social confidence greatly improved! I look upon this as a golden period in my life. But this was a non-contact circuit class which built a belief that you can defend yourself without actually having to get hit. In hindsight, I wish that was all I did. I fell for the grooming of the boxing coach and took on the belief that: 'If the training makes me feel so great, I must have to become a fighter!'
By the time I was 21, I experienced so much violent trauma in preparation for my first amateur boxing fight -- and the shock of immense weight loss -- that I had to leave the club! The very thing which felt so positive in the beginning became a set of toxic negative experiences.
I never had girlfriends, so I hoped to attract them by becoming a boxer. After this was not working, I felt that because I was fighting with people regularly during sparing, I was brave enough to do what I liked! I became my own God! I talked myself (with the help of a friend) into visiting prostitutes -- something that haunts me in hindsight! My self-esteem plummeted!
After this, my creative stores became depleted. The final year of my degree was a disaster (pretty much). My mind became fixated on maintaining patterns of boxing and weightlifting training. Even though I left my first boxing club, I looked to continue sparing at other clubs. It was as if I embraced the identity of a boxer. The graphic designer and illustrator Adam became a lesser priority.
I believe these experiences greatly affected me during my first graphic design jobs. Things became so stressful that I did not even know why I was so stressed!
Sahaja Yoga meditation
When I was 24, I began telling friends I felt very stressed. A close friend suggested that I try meditation. Somebody else took me to a meditation class called Sahaja Yoga. Like my first gym and boxing session, this was another profound and memorable experience. It was as if all the tortuous thoughts and emotions had parted, giving way to an ocean of peace. I had also been practising unforgiveness (which I won't talk about here), so the state of 'thoughtless awareness' enabled me to understand that forgiveness is peace of mind. I began to feel better, so my work improved.
Years later, having been very involved with Sahaja Yoga, I felt I could be self-employed. I became self-employed in 2005 and soon realised how difficult it is. I could not sustain a regular and high enough income with graphic design. I became critical of Sahaja Yoga – which is not without its problems.
In 2008, I had to find another way to earn money, so I began a gardening business.
To date, it feels like my whole self-employed venture is a failure (of course, there are positives too). I am sick of gardening and wish to develop a way to earn more money through graphic design and illustration. I feel like my work situation is reinforcing my mental health struggle.
I began reading the Bible in 2013 and have gone from a basic occasional Sunday church knowledge to be able to undergo an in-depth study of Bible passages. I read Bible books and chapters in different Bible versions. But it is not a magic book! I still struggle with my emotions! I still struggle with social anxiety! For me, the Bible, without my experiences at Sahaja Yoga, means nothing! i.e., meditation allows me to understand the Bible! If you think all Hindus are practising evil or Yoga is evil, you can only speak for yourself and your small cult of like-minded people. It is only your thoughts and emotions which are evil. Hindu scriptures are older than Christian scriptures. God would have warned against Hinduism to the early Israelites if it was so terrible. Don't tell me God did not know about it!
- First Date
- I would discuss it and come to a mutually agreeable decision. I like the idea of going somewhere relaxing and simple - perhaps a coffee followed by a nice walk or browsing through a museum? Somewhere with nice views; particularly beside the sea.
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