Thread: Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
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Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
Posted : 4 Dec, 2008 05:58 AM
Hi, I am not judging *anyone*. This is a personal issue I have been struggling with for nearly 4 years.
Scriptures: Matthew 19: 3-9, Mark 10:2-12, Romans 7:2-3, Luke 16:18, and 1 Corinthians 7:39.
I was physically and emotionally abused for 10 years and left my first husband when God told me if he kept hitting me he would kill me. I got a divorce and remarried (mistake) and stayed with second husband (Mormon) for 31 years (loveless on my part) until God told me in a vision he was the "wrong man for you" and showed me with what I thought was my first husband and said, "this is the right man for you, your true mate". :bow:
Went back - he was still not remarried but is now a Christian pastor preaching Deuteronomy 24:1-4 - and the love/magic was still there despite the abuse of which I have forgiven him but he's never said "I'm sorry." Says he loves me but will never take me back because "the land would be defiled". Has not talked to me in 2 1/2 years.
Sorry this is so long, but I have questions. Why did the Lord send me back to a man HE knew would reject me? Only for my first husband's judgment? (He has never divulged his past abuse and is continuing to cover it up to his flock). Am I bound to wait even though he says he won't come and have to live the rest of my life alone and without loving and being loved? Why must I pay for his sins? I don't understand what the Lord wants from me. This seems so cruel to me for a loving Father.....:prayingm:
Scriptorians, can you shed any hopeful light on these scriptures as applied to my situation, or do I have no hope?
Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
Posted : 4 Dec, 2008 09:44 AM
Jer. 3:1 starts out, They say. God is telling them that the scripture your ex is using is man's law, not His. If you read down He compares this to Israel worshiping other Gods and then turning back to Him.
Did He reject any who truly wanted to return? No, His word says, ALL who call on the name of the Lord will be saved!
As a Pastor, he needs to understand that forgiveness is the key to being forgiven. Maybe that is why God sent you back into his life. If he is actually teaching people this doctrine, he will pay a price for it. Paul warns, in 1Tim. 1:7, about people teaching the law and not understanding what they are teaching. We are also warned that teachers face a much harsher judgment.
One last scripture and I am through, James 2:13. For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
Posted : 4 Dec, 2008 02:49 PM
Thank you, Leon. I feel as you do, but someone other than me is going to have to tell my ex because I've told him this, but he won't listen. I know his treatment of me is sealed up before the throne of God, but he is very Christlike to everyone EXCEPT ME. I saw him take his coat off without hesitation and give it to a man who had none in winter......
I'm more concerned now with what I need to do - am I still bound anyway - I do NOT want to offend God, and He DID give me a vision about this (know it was from God and not the devil; I know when God speaks to me - have experienced many healings and miracles in my life)
I was also given Habakkuk 2:3, indicating there must be a wait for the fulfillment of my vision (I know God does not lie or make false promises), but it's been nearly 4 years - must I hang on forever to prove my faithfulness, or will there come a time when I am free if it does not come to pass - after all, my ex has his free agency, and he cannot be forced to come - only will if God sends him, and that does not look likely, but I do not want to be faithless. And I have a tremendous need for love, closeness, intimacy - I do not do alone at all well and so do weary of this struggle alone......
Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
Posted : 4 Dec, 2008 04:47 PM
I've found the topic of Divorce and Remarriage to be complex and difficult in nailing down what scripture actually teaches. Many respected theologians have written books on the subject, with a wide variation in teaching. I studied the topic for over 2 years, and out of all the things I read, I found David Instone Brewer's work's to be the closest to the truth.
I'll leave you a link to his website, there is much to be read there, and he has written multiply books, ones for lay people, or more exhaustive in an academic nature. I would recomend the latter.
Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
Posted : 4 Dec, 2008 05:45 PM
Dear Janet,
I think we all struggle with being alone to a certain degree, it is human nature. We yearn for our other half. If you are a romantic, it is even harder.
God recently told me that I was to remain single. It was hard for me to accept, I am very romantic and enjoy the intimacy of Marriage. I am not completely sure why I am to remain celibate, but I have to be obedient. I told you that to say, maybe God has something for you to do before He sends your ex back to you.
It could also be that your ex is just fighting what God wants. We do have a choice in most matters with God. It may just be like Jacob wrestling with God because of fear for his brother.
One last point and I am through. The OT is about the Law and legalism, Christ taught us this was just a guide, and the real goal is love. God's Law, the ten commandments, was added to by Moses because the people still couldn't understand the concept of love. If you read the Gospels, Jesus continually referred to the law of Moses. The only time He talked about God's law was when He was talking about the ten. Read Galatians, those no longer apply. We have a new covenant, Jesus.
Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
Posted : 4 Dec, 2008 06:53 PM
Thanks so much for your reference, Mark - am going to check it out.
So weary of trying to figure out the Truth from all the opposing opinions - and it all boils down to different interpretations/applications of the scriptures, so who's right....?
Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
Posted : 4 Dec, 2008 07:35 PM
Leon,
I appreciate your insight. Yes, God may be working on my ex - knowing he is THE stubbornest man I ever met (but also so doggone masculine - which is like a magnet to my femininity), but he'd better figure it out soon, because I'm too much woman to go to waste - not trying to be arrogant, but I know God blessed me with all these gifts and talents to be appreciated by *somebody*.
My ex messed up the first time and God gave him a chance to get it right and heal us, and he turned his back on it, again. God will have to put us together if He wants us together and He'll have to act soon, for I am THE most impatient soul on God's green earth and almost 4 years is waaaaaay past my tolerance level to be ignored.
I am sorry that you have to be single, Leon, if you're a Romantic like me, it's horrible, but perhaps it won't be for long not a permanent thing, only temporary.
In my case, I just wish the Lord would have mercy and take me Home! Alas, I know I must be here for my handicapped daughter, but otherwise, I surely would love to go Home and prostate myself before Him in worship, and then I'll walk with Jesus in the garden and lean my head on his shoulder - I can feel his great love as He looks directly into my eyes with complete understanding and acceptance. I can hardly wait! :bouncy:
Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
Posted : 6 Dec, 2008 01:08 PM
All of the scriptures you have referenced are good ones. God gave only one reason for divorce(fornication/adultery) and that was because the people had hardened their hearts. Alot of people say that once you are divorced you can never remarry because that is commiting adultery according to scripture. However the Bible also says that if one of the people get remarried, the other is no longer bound to that person in the sight of God and can therefore remarry. I hope you find what you are looking for.
Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
Posted : 6 Dec, 2008 01:52 PM
Thank you for your response. There was no infidelity on either of our parts - we were faithful to each other, however, I was the one to leave because my husband abused me, hit me and the Lord told me the last time he did, "If he continues to hit you, he will kill you." I left; remarried 2 years later and was married for 31 years until I had a vision sending me back to the first, so I left HIM and went back - first had never remarried, but is all caught up in Deuteronomy 24:1-3 and although the love is still there for both - he admits he still loves me - he believes "the land will be defiled" if he takes me back.
I'm trying to understand why the Lord would send me back to a man that the Lord, God, KNEW would reject me. What was the point of it all? And am I tied to him until one of us dies? Why should I pay for his sins and have to remain alone? Why did I receive this vision? I'm struggling and trying my best to figure this puzzle out.
Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
Posted : 6 Dec, 2008 09:54 PM
Dear Janet,
While this is not a solution, it may help you to understand why your ex is acting the way he is. A lot of new Pastors get stuck in legalism, unless they are Messianic Jews, it always passes. It took me a little over a year, and I am told that is exceptionally fast. It can take up to 7 years for some. If it takes longer than that, start praying for his soul, because he probably doesn't know Jesus.
When we are first called, we love God so much that we try to be perfect. We think that all the OT was God's will and that following all of the Mosaic Laws will bring us closer to God. God finally reveals to us that it was never about strict adherence to a set of laws....it is about love from a pure heart. Love toward God first, then our fellow man. It is not as easy as it looks to be a teacher of the Word, and we face real judgment if we get it wrong.
That is one of the reasons most long-established denominations insist on you training for years under someone else. I don't know your husband, or his denomination, but will bet it is one that ordains quickly. I am saying that because preaching OT law in a Christian church is a maturity issue. Most of us don't do that even if we understand it's application completely, because it is so easy to confuse the congregation.
I am not trying to slam your ex, I have been right where he is at. I preached against cross jewelry, and fish symbols. The OT backs this up, and I could make a good case against it today, but the truth is, it is not important. He will probably pull out of it, but he may need your help.
Struggling with scriotures applied to divorce - scriptorians needed
Posted : 7 Dec, 2008 09:26 PM
Leon,
Thank you so much for your wise pastoral slant on this. Doug fought the call to preach he told me after he was saved, was in the Methodist church and they sent him to Duke, but he didn't finish (already had a degree in history, I.Q. 160, too smart for his own good - intellectualizes things).
Preached for awhile in the Methodist church but when he didn't finish at Duke, he left and is non-denominational now. HE's been preaching for over 25 years so I don't know how that fits in with yur legalism theory - I think he pretty well socked in. He said when he was baptized with the Holy Ghost, he was taken up into the heavenlies for 2 weeks, always had a big heart, but is the most loving man I've ever seen, *except to me*, but he loves his flock (ex-prostitutes, drug addicts, the most downtrodden souls) above anything except God.
There's no room in his life for me. Leon - it's already filled up with God and his charges. He's content as he is and I've turned him over to the Lord. If God wants us together He will have to send him to me - I've been rejected by him too many times and for too long to go back - he wouldn't listen to me anyway (although I can hold my own with him intellectually and challenge him with questions he can't answer). MY problem is that I really need to love and be loved - need it more than I need air to breathe or food to eat.
When god gave me he vision and I went back and discovered the love was still as strong as it was 45 years ago, I thought he was my true love and God was going to heal us both, but Leon, I'm confused by all these scriptures and am so broken-hearted, shattered of soul, just sheer anguish pierces me to the very core of me and Idon't see how I can survive much longer.
That's not to say I don't have God first, I do, but I'm confused at what HE wants from me. I can't understand why He would send me back to this man KNOWING he would reject me, for almost 4 years now - what was the point? Waiting for years at my age seems pointless to me - none of us knows how much time we have here on earth, but my time is surely shortened. I'm losing heart and strength daily and as I try to keep my eye focused on the Lord,
His "Wait" is becoming a heavy burden, a cross of crucifixion.
I have heavy responsibilites, with caring for my handicapped daughter and my schizophrenic son, and providing a home and food for another son who is looking for work, struggling to make ends meet - I give all the time and take care ofothers but Ihave no one to take care of me except God and He can't put his arms around me physically (and I NEED that!).
So, Doug may figure this out eventually, fine, but I may not be able to survive long enough for the years that may take. I know the Lord loves me. His Hand has been on me from the time I was a toddler and fell out of a third story apartment building window and survived and He still watches over me, I know. BUT my NEEDS are NOT being met and God knows I will not lie and say they are.
My heart is broken; my soul is shattered. I don't just think of myself - I care for others daily; I give and give. I hear about the Lord being an "on-time" God, but when will He do something for me about the needs I have that no one but a husband can provide? I was never intended to be alone and I know it, but I AM alone. I soak my pillow with tears and try not to let my children see me cry; I put on a brave face while my heart crumbles. I'm just trying to trust Him even though I don't see a thing or any possibility of having love in my life, and that's hard, Leon.
Please, please pray for me.......I'm trying so hard but I'm an emotional wreck and feeling lost. I don't want to live in a world without love. I'm so weary of the constant struggle. Why won't the Lord have mercy on me and take me Home? I did what I was told; I was obedient. Why should I be punished for Doug's sins. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I want to, but I don't understand........
