I'd like to have your opinion on some thing if I may. Ive never bin in a relationship , never had a girlfriend, never even madeout before . This never used to bother me when I was younger ,but now Im 21 and its just getting sad. The loneliness is bad enough ,but the worst part is how its turning me into a vary bitter person. Take for instance my best friend ,I have to listen to him talk about how much he loves his girlfriend , how great she is , how awesome sex is and how hes going to marry her , and to top it of f hes three years younger than me ,it makes me sick and I think to myself if she would leave him and make him cry that would be awesome . Or when Im feeling down I'll go over to the broken hearts section and read some of their sad little story's those are usually good for a chuckle or two. I know this cant be a healthy way to think but I cant help it. So my question is dose anybody else ever feel this way or am I just going crazy ?I hope I don't come off as a nut job I'm probably one of the most rational people you'll ever meet which is why it worry's me when I think this way. Loneliness I can deal with but I really shouldn't get pleasure from others pain.
In my opinion, this might be away of say that you're desiring to be in a relationship as we, human beings, were created to have a desire to be in relationship. God created us to desire to have a personal intimate relationship with him so he could fill desires.
19"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!
24"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.
Do Not Worry
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[a]?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
-Matthew 6:19-34
Not exactly, but relates very closely. In not letting things of this world get to you because surely God rewards those who wait.
18 Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you;
he rises to show you compassion.
For the LORD is a God of justice.
Blessed are all who wait for him!
-Isaiah 30:18
I've surely felt like you've described at one point. Not wanting other people to feel that or have what I don't have. I learned that it's not that great, and I'm sure it won't be til God intends it to be.
Ok look at it this way. there are alot of areas in your life you can find fullfillment in. If you center your focus on the ONE area in your life you cant have fullfillment in you will become unbalanced, bitter, and will careen off the right path and start making bad decisions and taking wrong turns and end up who knows where.
So, You have not had much luck with the ladies yet, well, there are times I wish I had been in your shoes, I had too much luck and all it got me was trouble.
Do this, the areas of your life where you can apply pressure and something positive happens, focus on those. push those buttons for now. And keep an eye open for the right lady while you do so. You have to keep living regardless of whether or not you are having all your percieved needs met. You cant just stop dead in your tracks and say AHH IM HUNGRY AND I WONT TAKE ANOTHER STEP UNTIL SOMEONE GIVES ME A SNICKERS BAR!
That would be extreme, but listening to your words, you are not too far off from making extreme decisions and get around the obstacles in your path to have what your best freind has now. Believe me, the unfullfilled need for interaction with a woman can lead to alot of crazy stuff, pornography, cruising chat rooms for cyber relationships, etc etc.
You are in the armed forces, you know about discipline, apply it here now. Balance everything out and focus on the right things (phl 4:8) and like the lady above me was saying - using the sermon on the mount about seeking God first, good things will come at the right time. Let life play out. You have time. Time is a gift God gave us, spend it wisely and the returns will be great.
okay, so your title caught my attention, for other reasons.
i have three daughters 20, 23, 26... not married or in a serious relationship. Here are some pointers based on their comments:
Change your age range... 18-20 will get very little interest and a 21-yr old could not email you. Plus, would you really not like a wink from a 24 yr old?
check your profile and make sure you have good grammar, proper use of tricky words (they're, their, there). Also, don't be intimidated by educated, beautiful young women. I have three of them, the one who is going to med school this fall has had more trouble just getting a guy to ask her out (she is beautiful) unless he's in his late 20s or 30s(because that tends to be when guys want to marry). These women tend to have more trouble with guys asking them out (and maybe a couple of times). She tried the Christian dating and she got questions as to why she was on the site, etc., and then the extreme hell & damnation comments. I have figured its safe to assume people are Christians on this web site, so i know i don't need to be converted or lectured-she doesn't need it either. Maybe lower your standards for appearance, etc.
Here's what you don't want to hear... why should she go out with you? are you considered a good "catch"? If you had to go to the father to ask her hand in marriage, what would the father be expecting? chances are those are her thoughts as well. So it's an exellent time to go back to school, student loans are the lowest for interest rates for YEARS, and economy is poor. Get a degree you actually see jobs asking for it in newspaper ads! an avance degree even better. Dress well - check out men's magazines, ask a female friend (who dresses well too). Study / read books on having a conversation that women like. Don't be too easy, be interested but not too interested. Practice kissing... gotta be a good kisser to get the second real kiss.
Well I know exactly how you feel. I've been becoming bitter about love in general cause I'm about to be 23 myself and I've never had a real gf. My last gf I barely saw and she wasn't really into me. So yea, I'm basically where you are. I'm tired of people saying stuff about me because I'm a virgin and never had a gf. But I've realized that you have to find happiness in yourself first before any relationship can ever work and be healthy. You don't wanna go into a relationship being all bitter and depressed and all. I'm really having to learn to wait on God's timing but it's not the easiest thing, trust, I know. Don't be bitter, just give it to God, pray about it, and it will happen. Trust in the Lord man. Give it to God...
dude, i hae the same exact issue. i've become as bitter as a shock tart. i see a couple in the store, and immediately think or blab bad things about the guy's girl (ii'm not repeating anything here). i'd get bitter toward all the girls who i thought were prettier than me and the ones that bragged about going to dinner with their hot bfs. the root of it is jealousy. you long to be in a relationship and you want ot find that special someone to fill you heart and make you whole. problem is...you yourself have turned bitter and girls want a nice person. (Forgive me if that turned out to be a psychology lesson; that's what i've been studying). i'm currently becoming a better person, and it's not easy. my rememdy is to listen to positive music; rock n roll, Christian Rock; anything that you like (just NO LOVE SONGS!). trust me, it works. the best of luck to you!
man ur not the only one......im 20 years old, never had a girlfriend, and the only 2 dates (1 of which i shouldnt really even count haha) i had were within the past 9 months. Was I bitter? of course I was, for a longgggg time. I seriously wanted to believe God was playing some sick joke with my life but lately im really starting to realize that I gotta take the things that conflict and irritate me and turn it into a positive. Our lives are not our own, we are created for God's own pleasure. And as believers we can all agree that we believe God has a plan for our lives, whether we like it at this point in time or not, when it comes right down to it, Him and His will for our lives is what our greatest delight should be in. So if it seems hard going through all this junk, why wouldnt we wanna give God more of us to show that we are desperate for Him in our lives? He knows what we desire, what we treasure, what we would love to have, and He doesnt look past that. But you gotta understand as well that His way benefits us (as individuals) the most. What u and I are going through may be exactly what He wants to bring praise to Him so then we can have the fulfillment of knowing that we put the our best effort in something that was difficult. Does that mean He will give us a wife? THe bible says that a man that asks for wife asks of a good thing from the Lord......so its gonna happen if you ask with a joyful heart, one that isnt divided by the distraction of lonliness the enemy uses against us, one that understands the bigger picture of it all.....i hope this helped
