Thread: how can we ever forgive the parent who walked out on us?
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how can we ever forgive the parent who walked out on us?
Posted : 27 Mar, 2008 05:39 PM
Ever since I was little my mum brought me up single handedly. Apparently my father walked out on us. I only saw my biological dad once at age 8, and that was just by accident. It was only a brief encounter. (about 30mins or less) My mum and I bumped into him in the middle of town during a festival. He knew where I was all along but he never came to see me. We never ever discuss him at all. It was a topic that would never be mentioned. The next time I heard about him was two years ago, when my mum told me he had died.
I built up hatred for him. I wished I did not dislike him because I am a christian. The bible says love your enemies. He is not my enemy, hes my biological dad. Does it make me a Bad Person to feel the way I do? When I heard he had died, I pretended that It did not bother me at all, but then when I went to my room, i cried myself to sleep. Why does this hurt so much? After all I didn't even know the man. Is it normal to hold a grudge against a dead person? How do I cure the hurt I feel. This is the first time I have shared this issue. I recently had a letter from my half sister, (his daughter) She wants to get to know me, but I cant bring myself to reply her letter.
how can we ever forgive the parent who walked out on us?
Posted : 27 Mar, 2008 08:37 PM
I have never had either parent walk out on me so I haven't experienced what you have but I'll answer your question anyway.
First of all, no, you are not a bad person because you have hatred towards your father. That is natural. You are just angry and confused as to why he couldn't involve you in his life. This is not your fault. And you are right, he is not your enemy. An enemy is someone who tries to cause harm upon you. Even though he hurt you emotionally, he is no enemy of yours.
Secondly, a father is one who is a provider, protector and lover for his family. I not saying he didn't love you, but since he wasn't apart of your life I assume that he was not a provider and protector. Just think about this way...If you can put yourself in his shoes. I don't know anything about you father but sometimes the reason why a man walks out on a child is cause he is scared. Scared of the responsibility. Not sure if he would be a good father or not. There are many reasons. I don't know your father's reason, but my point is there was a reason. Most kids blame themselves when a parent walks out on them but they should not. Don't blame yourself for a mistake your father made.
I understand you are hurting, but until you forgive him you will continue to hurt. He made the mistake of not being there for you. I guarantee you he thought of you everyday. But he was ashamed of his mistake of walking out on you in the first place so he avoided you. People try to avoid reminders of mistakes they make in life to try to avoid the guilt. That's probably why he never tried to make contact with you.
Like I said, you need to forgive him. How you do that is simple. You never had a chance to know your earthly father but you do have a heavenly father, right? His name is Jesus. Ask your heavenly father to help you forgive your father. And always remember, your heavenly father will always be there for you. He will never walk out on you!
A question about your half sister. Did your father raise her or did he walk out on her as well?
how can we ever forgive the parent who walked out on us?
Posted : 30 Mar, 2008 03:59 AM
May the peace of the LORD be with you Dalie,
I'm so sorry you had to experience abandment. It's almost like infidelity in the area of betrayal. It's not unusual for you to feel the way you do, after all we are humans. But there is hope for you to overcome it.
First get alone, then take a chair & place it in front of you with an article of your dad's, like clothing, picture or if you don't have an article, take a piece of paper & write in big letters the word DAD & place it on that chair. Then kneel & pray that the Holy Spirit lead you in getting out all the hurt, bitterness, & hatred. After you have prayed, get up & sit down in front of that chair & tell your DAD every hurt, missed function, missed 'good night' kiss, etc. and cry. It's alright to cry for GOD made us that way to wash away hurt.
After you have done this, you may want to throw the paper away or hide the chair; it will remind you of what you did & of him.
Youi may think I am weird or that this is weird but it works. I'm a Christian Life Coach so if you need further assistance, please email me. GOD be with you in your recovery.
how can we ever forgive the parent who walked out on us?
Posted : 15 Apr, 2008 04:22 AM
Dear Tomie7
Thank your for your advice and suggestion. Sorry i couldnt reply earlier. I have been a bit unwell for a while. I did as you said, It did help me alot. God bless you.
how can we ever forgive the parent who walked out on us?
Posted : 16 Jun, 2008 12:46 AM
well my issue is with the father of my daughter he abandon me when i was preganant with her i have spoken to him one time since it is very painful and hard taking care of my daughter alone but jesus is making a way and we have need of nothing i think iam a little biter because my dad was in and out of my life and i wanted more for her i know however since iam filled with his holy spirit that i cant hate him because god is lov e and he will not only be a father for her he will sen a godly man who will be a leader and father figure for her i belive this how ever if it never happens i will continue to bring her up in the lord for he is my first love
how can we ever forgive the parent who walked out on us?
Posted : 21 Mar, 2009 09:45 PM
People think hate is the opposite of love, but that is not true.
To see this let's look at love What is love (I know that is the title to a song) But what are the characteristics of love, whatever quality comes to your mind when I ask what love is- it comes down to selflessness. If you love someone you put their needs before your own, so basicly love is giving space in your mind for somebody, but that is kind of like hate. So if your gonna hate sombody, don't let them have space in your mind. If you hate somebody, then don't send them a Chrtimass card say "just so you know, I still hate you" So the oppsite of love is not hate, it's (no thought).
Alot of times people make their mind up that they hate someone (I think that somtimes hatred shows more affection than love)
If your brain were like a computer, hatred would be a malfunction when you try to run the program called love.
So when I hear someone say "I hate him" somtimes it is just a diffrent way of saying "I love him but I don't know how to express my feelings" :dunce:
how can we ever forgive the parent who walked out on us?
Posted : 31 Oct, 2009 10:39 PM
Forgiveness for both of the men in your life that have caused you pain will bring Healing and Love in to your life and the life of your beautiful daughter. Forgiveness is never about the other person. It always personal, it�s for ourselves to be able to live on God's will and not allow our past pain and mistakes control our future and Destiny. God's plan should never be put on hold because of others actions toward us. We must and will fight the great fight of Faith and complete our purpose on Earth! God will answer your prayers and so you shall become a Queen and Have your earthly King that will be the greatest dad your daughter could have ever hope for. Keep smiling and praying! God has already answered. Worship our God He is Good!
how can we ever forgive the parent who walked out on us?
Posted : 23 May, 2010 10:57 AM
thanks for the encourage ment iam happy to say that i have forgiven and put it completly behind me. but one thing i do forgetting those things that are behind and reahing forth to those thing press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of god in jesus christ philipians 3 14
