Can you have something on the "must have list" that you don't have yourself?
Posted : 23 May, 2022 08:17 PM
>> As a "white" woman on this site only dating within Scandinavia, (for practical reasons) I do hear a lot from men of other colours that I am racist for not wanting to date them, despite the fact is that I don't date anyone of any colour who residents outside of Scandinavia.
Ask them to define what they think "racism" is and you might find that most (all?) of the definitions given are stupid. It has become a trend to attack people as being "racist" simply for not being a leftist like the people making the attack, for example.
>> I also have a lot of messages in my DMs from men of various colours saying they are only looking for a white woman (weird thing to classify from, as white women live all over the world, and are extremely different in all kinds of ways.)
I don't see what the problem is on this one. If people can have preferences for hair color, height, weight, what's wrong with skin color preferences? It's just another attribute that has *nothing* to do with the belief that someone may be "superior" or "inferior" on that basis.
>> Others message me and tell me they are spesifically looking for a virgin, and if I ask them why, they have no real explanation except they want it to prove she is a woman of "virtue" who kan be "trusted". ect. How does really a "virginity" prove that?
While I don't know that it would "prove" the presense of "virtue", I can at least understand the likely logical reasoning behind it: she has not spent her time hooking up and, quite frankly, prostituting herself. Personally, the fact that I'm one myself would be part of *my* reasoning. That being said, I realize that, in the world we live in, where we have the "modern" sexually "liberated" woman, my chances of finding someone who has taken this seriously are likely to be low.
>> Some of these men are in the category of "twice divorced" themselves, or other kinds of situations I know for sure my virgin friends won't be interested in dating.
Some, perhaps, but not *all* of them, right? In any case, those who actually are in the group you describe above come across as hypocrites - at a minimum.
>> I also find it logical for men to demand physical attractiveness, this is of cause a very individual taste, so I can mention that women too in most cases demands this, although I myself don't measure it by if a man has a certain hight, weight, muscle mass, six pack, hairline or eye colour. Looks could matter less to a woman based on a mans charm, humor, and if he makes her feel special and safe.
According to a paper on Psychology I read (and referenced) several years ago (that I can't seem to find right now), it noted the following analogy (I'm paraphrasing): A woman's physical attractiveness is to a man what a man's socio-economic status is to a woman.
Basically, the study was saying that in the same way men often "rate" or "evaluate" women on the basis of physical attractiveness, women tend to "rate" or "evaluate" men on the basis of his financial and social status, meaning, men tend to reject women when they don't find them physically attractive and women tend to reject men when they don't find them economically attractive.
At least women have the certainty that the man wants her. The man has no certainty on whether she wants him or what he has - and will simply "jump ship" if a period of economic hardship presents itself.
It is what it is, I guess ...
>> I also doubth marriages building solemnly on a woman choosing a man for his wealth will be a happy one.
It depends on how you define happiness. Perhaps the priority of some women is more about economic life-style and social status than one of "happiness", in the way you may be thinking about.
>> My demand for a man to have a job is solemnly so he wont be sitting on his a** all day long, but be out of the house so that I can have some time for myself when he is at work and I am having a day off.
I get it, no one wants to be with someone lazy, but your reason does not seem to come across in a good way... you want him to have a job and "be out of the house" so that *you* get to sit on you "a** all day long"?... That's the way it's coming across to me.
>> This could be a very interesting topic, and I sure do discuss it with my single female friends. It is nice to get a mans perspective too.
I'm just one guy. Don't try to turn one man's personal view/opinion into something more than what it is - I'm not statistically significant.
Can you have something on the "must have list" that you don't have yourself?
Posted : 15 May, 2022 08:41 PM
>> I don't think it is a huge secret that a lot of single women date with a list at hand with all of her demands, and wants in the man she is dating.
No, it's not a secret.
>> I guess some men also have sort of a list they work from when choosing whom to date.
Yes, we do, but our lists, generally speaking, tend to be simpler and, relative to women's, based on a different set of standards.
>> Do you think it is possible or even realistic for people to have demands on their list of traits in a partner that they themselves don't live up to.
I think "it depends". For example, while I may not post this explicitly in my profile, an item in a man's list of preferences (not "demands") is that they should find the woman physically attractive. Does that mean I have to be physically attractive? I don't think I can answer that question because I'm not rating myself that way; that is up to the woman looking at me to decide.
The problem isn't one of whether or not to have preferences - it's about them being unrealistic and/or unreasonable. For example, can a woman to "demand" a 6-figure salary from any potential man? Can they "demand" he be at least 6 feet tall? Sure, but is it *reasonable* or even realistic? (Rhetorical question).
Just to give you some perspective, in the USA, <4% of the male population is at least 6 feet tall, and that includes men who are married, in prison, claim to be homosexuals, and/or anything else that would make them unavailable to you. Only about 9% of men have 6-figure salaries. Now, men who are *both* at least 6 feet *and* have 6-figure salaries is ~0.36% at best (0.04 * 0.09 = 0.0036). Perhaps you've heard of the 80/20 rule (i.e. 80% of women competing for the top 20% of men)?
There's nothing wrong with going for the average guy, *especially* if for the average woman. (Except that, according to OKC data, most women think they themselves are "above average" and ~80% of men are "below average".)
>> I am just curious because some women have tendencies to demand that the man have to make a certain amount of money, own a house or a car when they themselves don't.
In cases like these, I think it could be a double-standard (i.e. hypocrisy)? It depends. If a woman wants a traditional man, then she must herself be a traditional woman. A woman that does not have a history of being traditional herself does not get to "demand" traditional men later in life - especially if they spent their teens/twenties doing hookups and the like.
>> It could also be people of spesific[sic] colour[sic] being clear they only date other colours.
I don't have an issue with people who have skin-color preferences. That's not racism. To be clear, actual racism is when someone claims that certain people are *superior or inferior* on the basis of skin color, ethnicity, etc. Since that's not what's going on in such a case, then it's a non-issue.
There's also the (rather unfortunate fact) that certain subcultures have different track records, which might also affect these kinds of choices (i.e. dating based on sub-cultural norms and behaviors). For example, in the black community, an overwhelming number of women have a tendency to be very disrespectful of men in their lives. It's unfortunate, but it's not hard to notice, given a lot of the time, it's so overt.
>> It could also be people being people with sexual relationship(s) in the past demanding only to date virgins.
In this case, I think it's hypocrisy. If a man or woman is *not* a virgin, they're *not* in a position to "demand" this from anyone else. That being said, I also think the opposite is true: if a man or woman *is* a virgin, then I think they have a better justification for filtering out people who aren't.
