- Eye Color
- Body Type
- Hair Color
- Looking For
- A Friend
- Church Name
- Church Attendance
- Every week
- Church Raised In
- Do you drink?
- 1 or 2 on occasion
- dancing, EDM, raves, music, roller coasters, roller skating, photography, parks, Bible study, writing, long snowy winters
- About Me
TL;DR version: I have a lifelong and consistent faith in God. I like to walk fast. Drive fast. Talk fast. I like to listen to and dance to fast music. I like my roller coasters as fast and high as possible. Conversely, I am indecisive and struggle with productivity.
Actually, that’s not a true TL;DR version because in the longer section that follows, I won’t necessarily mention what’s above.
I’ve pondered a lot on what is truly important when seeking a partner. People change throughout their life, and you never know up front what all those changes will be like. A marriage commitment is for lifelong loyalty despite what ways your partner may change that you weren’t expecting. So how do you determine what is most likely to last and what is susceptible to change?
Political views: Fifteen years ago and before, I was a card-carrying member of the Christian Right. Ten years ago, I began to notice that I was no longer referring to the Christian Right as “we,” but instead as “they.” And today I am quite disturbed by the way mainstream evangelicalism conflates conservative politics with Christianity.
Ways of connecting with God: I’ve been a Christian my whole life, but throughout the years I’ve found myself in different sectors of Christianity. I grew up evangelical, then in my college years was in word-of-faith type charismatic settings; I’ve had times of regularly attending Methodist and Lutheran churches; I’ve had times in evangelical megachurches. My faith in God has been consistent, but the flavor of that faith has varied. However, I’d say I’ve felt most comfortable in “low-key charismatic” settings of the Vineyard flavor.
I’ve tried to think of things that have been consistent within me my whole life, that are likely to never change.
All my life, I have felt like a misfit in Christianity. I don’t feel like a misfit to God, though — he made me and loves me as he created me.
Something I’ve thought about in terms of consistency through my life is my love of loud, heavy, fast music and bright colors. The styles of music I’ve focused on over the years may have changed, but loud, heavy or fast music has been consistent throughout the styles. Currently my main musical realm is EDM (electronic dance music) with my favorite genres being the fast-tempo hardcore and hardstyle. I love going to raves.
Dancing has always been very important to me. I can’t imagine marrying someone who doesn’t enjoy dancing. As for dance steps, I don’t know any, but I wouldn’t mind trying to learn. I only know move-to-the-music kind of dancing; experiencing even this with a partner is fun and romantic. To me, communicative dancing is an important part of a romantic relationship.
Color is extremely important to me. All of the rooms in my house are painted different colors -- purple in the bedroom, bright green and yellow in the kitchen, one room is a bright blue with black accents. I find it delightful when women wear their hair in bright colors like purple, pink, neon colors like blue and green, or pastel colors. I strongly favor clothing that is bright in color and bold in style.
I desire to find a sensual woman -- sensual in all aspects of the word: romantically and erotically sensual, but also sensual as in the five senses -- you revel in tasty flavors on the tongue, pleasant touch to the skin, beautiful sounds to the ears, delightful aromas wafting to the nose, and spectacular sights to the eyes. (I love the passion in the Song of Songs! I don’t like it when people try to spiritualize it, “It’s about God and the church.”)
I seek someone to have deep heart-to-heart talks with. Kindness and gentleness are important. (By gentleness, I do not mean quiet, but rather the opposite of hard-edged or harsh in interactions with others.) It’s important to me to have someone who understands the weakness of humans and thus is full of mercy and forgiveness toward others. I want someone who is secure in herself and not jealous; someone who is loyal, open-minded, and has a childlike appreciation of life.
On another dating site, one of the questions is “My close friends would say my greatest strengths are…” I decided that, rather than assume what my friends would say, I'd actually ask them. So I told my close friends on Facebook I had this question on a dating site and asked for their responses. Four people replied. (All are married, as are most of my friends.) Here's what they said:
—Friend #1 (female, age 28): "Grocery store analysis (jk). Fun spirited, strong faith, inclusive, kind, optimistic, and colorful!!!!! (Not dramatic, just literally colorful)"
—Friend #2 (male, mid-30s): "Insightful!"
—Friend #3 (female, early 30s): "Caring, great listener, thorough, great dancer, invested in your relationships, and so many more!"
—Friend #4 (husband of Friend #3): "Compassion, empathy, kindness, basically all the fruits of the spirit."
All right, now for the weaknesses, since I’m not trying to “sell” you on me, but to help you understand if you think we’d be a match. I joined the dating site OKCupid in 2012, and they have hundreds of questions that people answer, and in the process of reviewing profiles, I’ve read the answers to thousands of questions. On OKCupid, you give your answer to a question and then list the acceptable answers for your potential partner. Unacceptable answers show up in red. Here are some items where I have been repeatedly “redded.”
—Financial security/debt — I am not remotely financially secure and have a high debt load. I have a full-time job and I don’t spend money recklessly, but this is still where I am.
—Goals/ambition/know what you want in life — My whole life, I’ve never really been able to figure out exactly what to shoot for. Apparently many women see that as a heavy liability, but as for me, I have had a lot of great experiences in my life that I treasure, opportunities I’ve had due to my flexibility. I have lived in three foreign countries and six states, plus I’ve had interesting jobs. But I can’t tell you where I expect to be five years from now.
—Handy around the house — I’m not. I can barely hammer a nail into a piece of wood in a straight fashion.
It seems a lot of women also want someone who will “take the lead.” It has taken me awhile to figure out what they even mean by this; I’m still kind of fuzzy on the concept. But I will say this: I definitely do not subscribe to complementarian beliefs; I think a marital relationship should be egalitarian, based on the actual nature of each person, not based on a rigid gender division where the male is expected to do this and the female is expected to do that.
Music I like: EDM (hardcore, hardstyle, dubstep, trap, drum’n’bass, electro, house), shoegazer, praise & worship, punk, pop, rap, classical, industrial, ambient.
Music I dislike: I strongly dislike country music and country music culture. I am not a fan of classic rock, jazz or swing, blues, soul/r&b, gospel, adult contemporary, or opera. Also, I’m not a fan of live music. As a raver and dance club enthusiast, I prefer DJs.
Movies I like: comedy, romantic comedy, documentary, and some “based on a true story” movies.
Movies I don’t like: I cannot watch horror or suspense movies at all. I am not a fan of action movies, sci-fi, drama, westerns, or movies set in old times.
I don’t watch TV shows and I’m not a fan of sports, though I do like to watch the Winter Olympics.
Favorite book of the Bible: Kings. Favorite major prophet: Jeremiah. Favorite New Testament letter: Philippians. Favorite Bible translation: Good News Translation.
- First Date
- After living in Michigan for 22 years, I moved to San Antonio, where my father lives, in the summer of 2019. Being quite new in San Antonio, I don’t know the city very well yet, so I will likely need to rely on you for suggestions of where to meet. Also, due to coronavirus-related reasons, I was living in Atlanta from February - June 2020, so I still haven't lived a year in San Antonio.
At this point, I'm not interested in dating. So any interaction should be considered, at least from my side, without the underlying goal of a romantic relationship. As such, any meeting would be from such a friendship perspective. Getting to know each other is important, so someplace where we can talk seems best. I enjoy walks in the park for that. I’m not a fan of coffee shops or restaurants, but would agree to it if you prefer.
But there are “doing” activities I’d enjoy also, like going to a rave or EDM dance event, roller skating, or miniature golf. I’d also be interested in meeting in a church setting, though I don’t do mornings.
Of course, it’s hard to do much of anything in person now with the lockdowns in place. But my job is online, so I’m used to meeting online anyway. Also, I’m open to getting to know people outside my area.
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