Author	Thread: How to deal with the ex's new significant others?
Admin	How to deal with the ex's new significant others? Posted : 4 Mar, 2011 09:03 PM Hi everyone, I am a single mom to a 7yo daughter. My ex cheated with the woman he is still with and she has 2 kids which have recently started calling him daddy. He is always with the woman and her kids. It bothers my daughter that she has to be around them all the time and that her kids call him daddy. She has tried to tell him before that it bothers her, instead of taking her feelings to heart he dismisses them and try to tell her that she has to share. He claims our daughter is the most important thing in his life but i findthat hard to believe b.c he doesnt do things just the 2 of them, whenever he calls he has the other kids in the background clamouring for his attention. I dont have any idea what to do! Has anyone be in a situation like this that can shed some light? Post Reply
lela_dawn View Profile History	How to deal with the ex's new significant others? Posted : 13 Mar, 2011 05:14 PM Hi Cara, I have been on the other side of this, as I have dated a man who has children, putting me in a stepmom type role. My ex husband is also remarried, and my children have a stepmom. I am sorry that you are in this situation and that this man hurt you so badly. With regards to her children calling him "daddy", I can't say that I agree with it, but it also isn't anyone's place to judge. This is a tough situation, and the kids are the ones who will ultimatley be hurt out of this, both yours and hers. As for how to deal with this new woman in your daughter's life: as hard as it may be for you, please don't badmouth her or try to sabotage a possible relationship between your daughter and this woman. I'm not sying you are, I'm just saying that I've seen the damage that comes when adults act out their own hurts through their children. Is your main issue the fact that this woman is around in the first place, or is it that you feel your ex doesn't want to see his daughter as much? What if you offered to send her over to thier house more, instead of jsu wanting him to spend one on one time with him? If he loves his daughter, he WILL take that time with her while she is over there. Post Reply
View Profile History	How to deal with the ex's new significant others? Posted : 23 Mar, 2011 05:16 PM Thanks for the input. I try to make it as easy as possible for him to see our daughter, however, I am always being met with opposition. I dont care that he has a new family it just bothers me to see my daughter hurting. She has tried to tell him her feelings but he dismisses them and tries to explain away his actions. For example, he is allowed 5 weeks of summer vacation but has not taken them in 2 years because he claims he can't afford daycare. He is aware the court granted him this time but he never plans for it. Both him and the girl smoke, buy lottery tickets, and seem to be eating out several times a week but he cant pay for a daycare while he is at work when its his week with our daughter??? This situation really befuddles me. I also have a problem with both of them smoking in the car with the kids. My daughter has asthma and used to take numerous medications to treat and prevent attacks. I am constantly telling him to not smoke in the car with her and an officer even told him but they continue. Post Reply
View Profile History	How to deal with the ex's new significant others? Posted : 3 Apr, 2011 11:08 AM Men's programmed role is as provider/protector of the family unit - he's no longer in your family unit but part of another, therefore his priority is that family. You may expect that bloodlines would tie him to his real daughter more, but as long as he knows she's safe and being cared for (which I'm assuming he does otherwise he'd be after custody) he'll concentrate on his immediate concerns: that being the other kids. Post Reply
View Profile History	How to deal with the ex's new significant others? Posted : 9 Apr, 2011 05:10 PM For some reasons mom's seem to think children need to see their dad, why would you in this case. Post Reply
View Profile History	How to deal with the ex's new significant others? Posted : 11 Apr, 2011 08:51 PM He has court ordered visitation. There's nothing I can do at this time, but next summer when we move I will be taking him back to court for a visitation modification and plan on bringing all this information out. Post Reply
View Profile History	How to deal with the ex's new significant others? Posted : 28 Apr, 2011 11:34 AM hi! the same thing happened to my children several years ago. i think it is the wife talking and causing the "we are all a family now." thing. she is insecure. his children from the first wife will have a lot of years of emotional heartache, but eventually it will be ok. the children pretty much have to be adults in order to understand the adult situations. don't put their dad down and just be there. Post Reply
nepb47 View Profile History	How to deal with the ex's new significant others? Posted : 5 May, 2011 07:24 AM Maybe it would help your daughter to explain to her that a parents love is multiplied by the number of children, not divided. New children don't take away love from other children, love for them is added in. Attention is certainly divided, but not love. NB Post Reply
JENNIE0219 View Profile History	How to deal with the ex's new significant others? Posted : 14 Jul, 2011 05:46 PM hi i've been with the same situation except that my ex married another girl and had a son and then he doesn't even make time for his daughter who he claims that he love her so much after five years. Very ironic when he was being deported he didn't evenhave a quality time with my daughter. Post Reply
JENNIE0219 View Profile History	How to deal with the ex's new significant others? Posted : 14 Jul, 2011 05:46 PM hi i've been with the same situation except that my ex married another girl and had a son and then he doesn't even make time for his daughter who he claims that he love her so much after five years. Very ironic when he was being deported he didn't evenhave a quality time with my daughter. Post Reply
View Profile History	How to deal with the ex's new significant others? Posted : 19 Jul, 2011 06:43 AM Yes you are right its just that women can't take such truth and they need proper counselling for that from a true-believing Pastor/Priest.I am in a similar case,my 9yr old daughter lives with them married couple.I used to be so frustrated and unhappy about it until i got the right counsellor who told me that first i have to consider that i am a christian,a new creation,i am dealing with people who are non-christians so if they behave differently don't be shocked,believe and trust God.Secondly my daughter seemed happy to be in the company of the other children that they have.Finally the Pastor said i should work on myself,do away with any sorrow,bitterness and move on,pray and find my own partner and wish them well,have nothing bad to say about them.I dealt with that advice,when i talk to my daughter i dont bring any bad thing,i talk about important things like careers and the good chance she has of being able to spent most of her time playing with the other children.It is very important for children to be in the company of other children,you cannot close that gap,it is their gift from God to play, much greater than being taken by her dad for holiday.I pray you will move on,then a new man willcome. Post Reply

First

Page : 1 2

Next  1 >>

Last