I work with this guy and I work with a group of about 7 or 8 people. I noticed that when this guy helped me when needed, he acted kind of short with me. He has touched my arm twice before lightly, I do catch him staring at me a few times, and we've talked but usually when we are alone.
When I am around my coworkers, he will outright ignore me. One time, he talked to one person and then another and asked her plans. When I talk to him, he will get distracted while we are talking and say hi to others but we'll still talk shortly. So I started to ignore him and said forget it. He then noticed it I guess and said hi to me and my coworker both so I decided to give it another chance but again he acts very quiet around me but talks very little not as outgoing I guess.
Am I just imagining things or is he ignoring me? And should I just continue to ignore him?
Are you attracted to this man and want to date him ?
If so ... if he asks you out I'm hoping you'll say, "I don't become romantically involved with coworkers."
Imagine you and he having an argument and others at work feeling the tension between both of you. I would hate for you to become the subject of gossip at your work. Keep romantic life and work life separate, that way if things go sour it doesn't spill over to your work life.
We all need money and want peace ... too much to risk and too little to gain with him.
Try to avoid any head games with him and just be professional and pleasant to all.
I’m with Contented on this. It is generally best to avoid work relationships. They can even get awkward when things are going well in the relationship. He may very well want to approach you, but he may have a role model or father who has also told him to avoid work relationships. If he’ll stare at you across a room but won’t look you in the eye when talking to
Thank you guys! but no I wouldn't get involved romantically like you said, my job is most important. I just was wondering if I should continue being friendly or just ignore him?
Yeah, I guess we didn’t quite hit your questions did we? Sorry about that. I guess we were too busy getting into his head to figure out what he was doing. So straight to your questions:
1: Am I just imagining things or is he ignoring me?
Possibly? I’m afraid the only way to know is to talk to him about it directly, but you don't know how he'll respond to that. You may find that he doesn’t even know what you’re talking about. On the flip-side, you may find that he thinks you’re ignoring him. If that is the case, I would wonder who ignored or failed to notice the other first? I don't say that to be critical. You may have simply gotten off on the wrong foot somehow and accidentally sent the wrong initial signals to each other. It’s easy to read more into someone’s behavior than what is there, especially if you don’t know them that well, and that can lead to some awkward first impressions.
2: And should I just continue to ignore him?
I totally understand what FDCWillard is saying here, but I believe the correct answer is still no. Being friendly toward someone with a strong unspoken attraction can be a tease, yes; especially if they misinterpret your friendliness as an invitation to approach you. However, being ignored can also be cruel. One-sided attraction (if it's happening here) is always a recipe for pain. There's just no getting around that.
That being said, I think the answer would be to continue being friendly. When I turn to scripture on this question, I am drawn to this passage: “Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ‘teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’ Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22, v. 34-40). I suspect that Jesus would say that this man is your neighbor too. I think in the workplace that means we're called to be friendly, helpful, and to generally try to be the kind of coworker/employee that we would want to work with ourselves. I don't think any awkward one-sided attraction nullifies that calling.
Thank you so much! I appreciate the thorough answer and will continue to be friendly. I think that is best and won't cause an awkward environment. I think also he may be talking to my friends as a way to get to know my friends and be on their good side if that makes sense.
