How do let go of the anger and hate towards the parent of your child when all that parent does is intentionally try to hurt you and use your child to do it with?
I am in, what I thought was the final area, of my divorce from a very emotional unstable and physically violent woman who is also the mother of my 5 yr old daughter. This woman continues to verbally attack me and does actually use our daughter as a tool for her attacks on me. This is a constantly daily part of my life. I have turned to the legal system for assistance:stop: to get this woman to stop and leave me alone, but the legal system has been of very little help. Even had a restraining order on this woman, but our child custody settlement (which is now in uncertainty) lead to the restraining order being dropped. It will be a legal nightmare to have it reinstated against her. Lawyers and legal aid hasn�t made it any better or resolvable. I have turned to my faith for answers, but I think I lack something in it so that has not seem to helping. This part I have to fault myself on. I have turned to friends, but none seem to understand enough to help me in this. I have no family to turn to so that is not an option. I have a counselor, but they are unable to help as other issues seem to be a priority. Nothing seems to help. The more this woman strikes at me in verbal attacks, the more my anger and hate grows towards her. I don�t want this to happen, but it is. What happens if it grows to much? The answer concerns me and this is why I am asking how do I let the anger and hate go? I honestly don�t know what to do anymore and this woman is not going to stop in her attacks on me. She makes it very clear. So� ?
When you cant take it anymore, God can. He is waiting on you to allow Him to give you the Peace you cant find right now.
I am also divorced and a mother of 2 daughters. I had to deal with a lot of emotions also, and long story short...I finally got sick and tired of myself and told God that I was done. It was His intervention that allows me to forgive and not hate.
Its your personal journey that you are traveling and no one can tell you how to obtain the peace you are looking for. You must develop your relationship with Christ and let His word guide you. Once you surrender yourself to Him and turn away from the things that are holding you back you will find a peace that surpasses all understand.
I know how you feel...divorce is nasty, even the most civil of divorces, if there was ever a thing.
I can only give you a glimps of what I did. In the end I took Gods (agape) love and gave that too her, and gave God my anger, and He took my case against her. Today I have custody of all three of my kids, the house, I get child support etc....but what that looks like in your life might look differently, but you can always start with loving your ennemy.
I also had the same problem and feel your pain. For me it was a matter of forgivness. Its one thing to forgive and heal from the pain of rejection and devorce but the constant attacks make it seem impossible I know. I had to just start from the begining and work my way to the present. Start praying for her and forgiving her for everything that she has done in the past and eventualy you will get to what she is doing now. It will go quicker than you think I promise, just let God show you the way. When you can see her through God's eyes and see the love He has for her; know that she is only trying to hurt you because she is hurting and actualy pray for her well being and mean it; you will have peace of mind, gurenteed!
I'll be honest with you, what you've mentioned is one of the main reasons that my profile says "undecided/open" on the issue to do with children. For one thing, when people get married, it should NEVER have anything to do with children...because marriage is about a commitment to a spouse. As a matter of fact, I will not be willing to even consider the issue of children until at least 2 to 3 years into the marriage no matter what! WHY??? Because I need to know that the person desires to marry me because they love "me" and desire to be there for "me"...after all, I desire to love and support my future wife in the same way. I don't expect her to be absolutely perfect, but I will expect her to try to be better...and I will also expect her to be honest with me whenever something is bothering her. Fact is, I had a problem with that in my last relationship. The young lady wouldn't communicate properly and that makes it very difficult...because I can't love and support someone if they aren't willing to tell me what and when something is bothering them. But anyway, that's all I had to say.
We all give suggestions and i know you feel we are really not answering you.you have stated that u are already going through divorce so telling u to forgive and pray for her is contradicting your decision.what bothers u are verbal attacks,if u dont live with her she wont abuse u!so move out,stay away from her,its easier to pray and forgive her if u r not together.work out your issues from apart.thats my take
We all give suggestions and i know you feel we are really not answering you.you have stated that u are already going through divorce so telling u to forgive and pray for her is contradicting your decision.what bothers u are verbal attacks,if u dont live with her she wont abuse u!so move out,stay away from her,its easier to pray and forgive her if u r not together.work out your issues from apart.thats my take
What came to my mind as I read your post is Christ's teachings on loving your enemies. While she may be the mother of your children, it does sound as though she is behaving as your enemy. I would encourage you to read Mat. 5:43-48. I know, I know (trust me I really know), easy to say & hard to do. That is why we have God's spirit within us, because on our own we can't love our enemies. Everything in our flesh screams not too. I have found that the times I am continually in the Word is when I am best able to respond in Christlikeness and trust that God will handle the situation.
Also, read Proverbs 25:21-22. Don't feed into your ex, but put her to shame by your good works. Maybe one day it will change her, but if not, you still come out the better person. And always remember, you have a little one watching. Be an example she can follow.
At times it comforts me to remember that God is my avenger. Those who have wronged me will stand before my Father and give account.
I hope I have been of some encouragement. I will pray for you tonight.
First, know that you are not alone in your situation. I, personally have not had to go through what you are, but I have known others who have.
Secondly, know that there is nothing wrong with standing up for what is right. Too often, men stay in abusive relationships believing that people will think poorly of them if they try to leave. You are a strong person for having left the abusive relationship.
Thirdly, I have found that if you truly give your anger to God, He can and will take care of it. He will allow for you to focus your attention on something that matters. I also have found that when you respond to the attacker, regardless of how abusive or rude they are, with a peaceful and calm voice, being kind to them, they can't stand it. The bible says something about treating your enemies with kindness make if feel like hot coals to them. When you are nice to them, it confuses them so much that sometimes they leave and pick on someone else.
Lastly, know that I have had someone lie to me when I was a child about my father and although for a while I believed what she had said to me about him, I grew up to know the truth and the fact that this person lied to me made it so I never trusted that person again. I ended up having a closer relationship with my dad than I ever would have. Kids are not stupid. They see the truth, whether we want them to or not.
Hang in there and KNOW that You are important to God. Continue to talk with Him regardless of how you feel. God's word promises that when you confess your sins, He is faithful and just to forgive your sins. It also says that He will never leave you nor forsake you.
I have gone through some tough stuff too, but I know that there is a brighter day down the line. Something worth waiting for! Hold on to the fact God is walking through this tough time of yours with you, sometimes carrying you.
I can tell you first hand, that your anger will be avenged.........but not by you. The justice comes in knowing that as your daughter (any child) grows into maturity, it doesn't matter what either parent has told them about the other parent. Children see right through the matter, and know the truth despite what they've been told. Hopefully it is in line with what they have been told, but if not, they still intuitively know the truth. So, know that your words and more importantly, your actions (and her mother's) are daily being scrutinized by your 5 yr old, so that she can draw her own conclusions :)
I know exactly what you are going through. I have a 4 year old son, almost 5. His mother and myself did not work out and it has been practically unbearable since. In my particular case she threatens me, attempts to control what I can and can not do with my son. Even at one point, she was telling him to call me uncle instead of dad because she had gotten remarried and was wanting my son to call his step father dad. Lawyers, courts, nothing seems to help and my anger continues to build as well. It seems that anytime we start to get along a week later something causes that to change and she back to her old self.
