I Think it is OK for a Woman/Lady/Girl to Make the First Move - Right?
Posted : 13 Feb, 2023 10:49 PM
I had a debate with a Christian sister who contended very strongly (with Bible citations) that it would be "WRONG" for a woman to boldly approach guys on a dating platform like CDFF. I disagreed, vehemently reasoning that in this 21st century world, it doesn't matter who makes the first move. Therefore, it is RIGHT for a woman who likes a guy to tell him so - verbally or in writing (not just with mystical clues).
Why should the man be saddled with the heavy burden of unraveling the intricate web of a woman's complex mind, especially on a digital dating platform. Can I get some supportive ladies on my side on this?
I Think it is OK for a Woman/Lady/Girl to Make the First Move - Right?
Posted : 16 Feb, 2023 08:06 PM
I agree with you that there are many women who boldly initiate contact on dating sites. In my experience here though, the ones that reached out to me ended up being scammers. Regardless, as an egalitarian in dating/relationships, I believe that a women should freely approach a man of their delight - with a direct message, just as we men do. Agreed that some men recklessly play around chasing too many women simultaneously , but we are not all infested with that malady. The mere fact that a woman stepped up to express her genuine interest in me would be stimulating enough to get and hold my undivided attention to her. Maybe because I am sapiosexual Anyways, I agree with your opinion!!
I Think it is OK for a Woman/Lady/Girl to Make the First Move - Right?
Posted : 21 Feb, 2023 09:30 AM
Prince, I’ve shared my disagreements with you on other forums but this time I’m in agreement with you.
Lots of people, like your lady debate opponent, use detached portions of scripture bereft of original context. It seems the woman’s “scriptural citations”are no exception to this serious eisegetical malady‼️
I Think it is OK for a Woman/Lady/Girl to Make the First Move - Right?
Posted : 21 Feb, 2023 05:13 PM
Little_David, that's a good point!! I didn't expect us to be smoking the peace pipe so soon
I actually enjoy vigorous robust debate - nothing personal at all. So feel free to shoot your best shots - without thead hominems of course. I like to hear the opposing side.
So are you saying it's biblical, in your perspective, for ladies to make the first move in approaching a guy they fancy or dropping him a line or wink?
I Think it is OK for a Woman/Lady/Girl to Make the First Move - Right?
Posted : 1 Mar, 2023 10:17 AM
My Prince, this is a very interesting subject. This would vary from one person to another. If a woman is comfortable/confident with contacting the guy FIRST then I guess its okay though I have a different opinion and I could be wrong.
I feel Men value and enjoy what they have hunted for. In my own opinion I would prefer if the guy goes first. they have the experience in this field any way. Last but not least it feels great and special to be found, wanted and chased by the man and alot of work on the other to chase the guy..
Finally contacting the guys requires skills and to be honest most of us women dont have it and we fear we would make such a big fool of ourselves if we tried LOL
I Think it is OK for a Woman/Lady/Girl to Make the First Move - Right?
Posted : 1 Mar, 2023 02:42 PM
"I feel Men value and enjoy what they have hunted for. In my own opinion I would prefer if the guy goes first. they have the experience in this field any way. Last but not least it feels great and special to be found, wanted and chased by the man and alot of work on the other to chase the guy..
Finally contacting the guys requires skills and to be honest most of us women dont have it and we fear we would make such a big fool of ourselves if we tried LOL."
-To be fair, I think far too many people (especially Christians) lack social grace, conversational skills, and for that matter, reading comprehension skills. I can't speak for men, because I only contact women, and frankly, what I see leaves me dismayed. Please understand that I have absolutely no problem holding my own in a conversation, or even starting one, and without boasting, I'm well above average in that respect. Women say they want us to make the first move, but then they utterly fumble the ball when they actually get it. If I posted screen shots of the conversations I've started, and the lackluster responses I receive on an alarmingly regular basis, you'd cry.
I Think it is OK for a Woman/Lady/Girl to Make the First Move - Right?
Posted : 2 Mar, 2023 11:01 AM
Belshes am really sorry to hear about your experiences. I have been through a roller coaster of the same though mine might slightly be different from yours.
I do agree with you on the fact that most Christians dont have great communication skills today.
I must admit that even the Men on this sight usually dont get it right even when they happen to start a conversation.
My experiences here has been like... a guy contacting me, then he goes straight to wishing or requesting pics and more pics, then a whatsap number or email. Mean while he has not asked you your any questions to get to know me, neither is he telling me anything about himself... and by any chance if they get the contacts then they go quiet, and then next guy, same story..
Its not wrong to request for all of the above but I guess it should come later.
I have come to a conclusion that the men on this site are on a merry go round of collecting womens pictures and contacts and not for a serious a relation.
I Think it is OK for a Woman/Lady/Girl to Make the First Move - Right?
Posted : 2 Mar, 2023 08:50 PM
Hello Charmingbaby,
Thank you for taking the time to comment and for exchanging unbelievably valuable ideas with Beltheshazzar01. Both of your thoughtful threads are fascinating. Le me start with a response to initial response to my question:
You Wrote: My Prince, this is a very interesting subject. This would vary from one person to another. If a woman is comfortable/confident with contacting the guy FIRST then I guess it’s okay though I have a different opinion and I could be wrong.
My Response: Charmingbaby, thank you and I agree with your objective assessment. I like how you acknowledged that it is possible, “If a woman is comfortable/confident with contacting the guy FIRST…” And that’s the kernel of my question. And as you demonstrated with yourself as an example, not all women welcomes the idea – and that’s another puzzle, since we are in the 21st century of freedom and equality, right? I totally respect your opinion and how you framed it. Thank you.
You Wrote: I feel Men value and enjoy what they have hunted for. In my own opinion I would prefer if the guy went first. they have the experience in this field any way. Last but not least it feels great and special to be found, wanted, and chased by the man and a lot of work on the other to chase the guy..
My Response: Wow, that’s phenomenal. The analogy of men as “hunters” is impressive and also might be an answer to the evasiveness of women from men’s hunting instincts (LOL). I’m yet to encounter a woman who desires to be a man’s [easy] prey (lol). I doubt that all women (esp. Christian feminists) would agree with the analogy though – given the converse portrayal of womanhood as men’s “prey” in the dating “game” (oh boy!!!).
Regardless, your preference for the man to lead in making the first move is interesting especially for the reasons you cited: 1. Prior experience (probably based on some assumptions you’re yet to share?); 2. The gratification and sense of worth you would feel for being “found, wanted, and chased” by the man (the hunter); 3. The undue burden a woman would feel, otherwise – if she were to go first.
These are all super valid reasons and assumptions that fit well into a complementarian philosophy of man-woman relationship. Complementarians argue that the man is the “head” (leader, chief, or supreme authority or lord) of the woman. So, they expect the man (as the “head of the home”- as Christ is the head of the church) to lead the way in everything. They shun and resist the free expression of a woman’s will, desire, or feeling. In fact they shame women who take the initiative in dating – branding them with words frowned at by CDFF algorithm (lol – wouldn’t even let me use those “mild” terms here).
As an egalitarian, I am against every suppression of a woman’s God-given and Constitutionally protected full rights to humanhood. A free human being should be unfettered in expressing their innermost desires, aspirations, desires, and thoughts – without fear of patriarchal oppression, shaming, etc. In this lens, if a woman approached me, whether shyly or confidently to express interest in me, right there, her value shoots over the roof for me. That’s because I would perceive her as a progressive-minded free woman, unafraid, daring, and undaunted. She is manifesting the freedom of the Children of God who Christ has set free. By taking that unpopular step, she has broken the glass ceiling and stereotype of so-called “women of old times.”
So, while I agree with you on the natural reticence adopted by most Christian women on this matter, I also think there’s great value in adventuring beyond the patriarchal barriers and borders imposed by tradition, religion, and culture. What do you think?
You Wrote: Finally contacting the guys requires skills and to be honest most of us women don’t have it and we fear we would make such a big fool of ourselves if we tried LOL
My Response: OMG (Mind Blown!). Thank you so much for revealing these nuggets to us. I’ve NEVER had a woman share this secret about the woman’s mindset and concerns with making the first move. It makes great sense – looking back at some of my experiences here too. I’ve had some FAKE FEMALE contacts that actually got banned by CDFF before I could reply. It made me wonder. I’ve also interacted with some who ended up being RELIGIOUS FANATICS. For instance, just recently, there’s one that’s been emailing back and forth about her interest in finding a “Reformed Man” to date. Well, I my profile clearly shows that I don’t belong to her denominational preference and I emailed her with that information. She still indicated that she was “curious” about my theological perspective.
So, knowing how contentious religious and theological differences could impact relationships, I explained that I am not interested in her denomination and theology. Yet, she would email her theology questions and I would graciously answer them frankly (since I wasn’t expecting to “win” her). Next thing I know, she got mad at me for not reflecting “Reformed” theology perspectives in my responses (wild wild West lol). So, of course I blocked her. Religious and theological differences constitute irreconcilables in relationships, so once a person have their mind already made up on these matters, they should not come to a dating platform to harass others who believe differently.
I interacted with another lady on CDFF (via email) who said she was going to Eastern Europe to reside there on a Christian mission thing she believes is her destiny. So, after a couple of emails, I informed her that it doesn’t make sense for her to be on CDFF “stealing the time from some guys who are sincerely here to find a potential life partner. Some people here would probably disagree with me (and that’s fine), but if I am planning to ship out of the U.S. on a long-term missionary posting, CDFF or any other dating site will be the last place I would be “snooping” around for a life partner. This is a vast ocean of diverse people from a plurality of backgrounds and with unfathomable degrees of expectations from CDFF. I guess we will get to meet the bad, the good and the ugly from all sides of the aisle.
Overall, thank you Charmingbaby for your fascinating feedback. I look forward to reading more of your thoughts – and maybe getting to know you more here. Blessings!!
I Think it is OK for a Woman/Lady/Girl to Make the First Move - Right?
Posted : 2 Mar, 2023 08:57 PM
Beltheshazzar01,
Thank you for your candid response to Charmingbaby and for backing up your feedback with real life experiences you've had here on CDFF. I can't even improve upon what you've already said, since it is hard evidence based on your personal experiences. I will only wish that we get to meet the awesome women of our dreams here or elsewhere. Somehow, I believe that there are exceptions to this adverse rule, and that's what we're hoping for There's always that one woman who will show up to make a difference!!!
Anyways, I agree with your opinion!!