For the most part, I believe God has created men to provide for their families- and in my experience, most guys I've known who weren't able to do that ended up getting kind of depressed about it- they werent' fulfilling their role of providing for their families and protecting them. I think even Proverbs says something about a man who does not provide for his family is worse than an infidel, or something like that. I don't remember exactly where in Proverbs.
But... in general... I want to eventually be a stay at home mom and work part time in ministry with Nursing... I would seriously resent a guy who stayed home while I worked- because I don't see me working as an end--goal or status quo.
If someone's somehow incredibly cut out for being a stay at home dad, it could possibly be okay for them, if they find the right woman... but a woman being all driven and career focused isn't typically what they long for either, so I think that this combination would be very rare.
I realize this is a 2 year bump but I can't help being nearly disturbed by some of the things I've read in this thread. I know some of the people in here may not even come to this site anymore so it may be unfair for me to unload when they can't read and respond to what I have to say but I'm finding it difficult to refrain as this is a subject that is actually very personal.
Suffice to say, if we are going to be holding men strictly to the family responsibilities laid out in the Old Testament, why wouldn't we do the same for women? So Proverbs says a man who doesn't 'provide' for his family is worse than an infidel? Pray, what does the Old Testament say about a woman who works? I'm pretty sure it's no more flattering than infidel.
Far be it from me to refuse a woman her preference, that is between you, your husband and God. However this notion that a man who isn't providing FINANCIALLY isn't providing at all is as archaic and sexist as the notion that a woman's place is in the home. Some women want to be stay at home wives and mothers and some want to be career women. Even in ultra conservative christian households this is commonplace and accepted. Yet a man who is drawn to nurturing and keeping the home is viewed as some sort of 'lesser man'? Who are we to judge what God has called whom to do.
I've never seen a loving and happily married couple, in which the wife was a stay at home wife/mother, where both partners did not view that role as an essential part of the operation in which the husband would provide FINANCIALLY. Why? Because it is a PARTNERSHIP. Whether they partner by both bringing in income or partner by one bringing in income and the other helping make that way of life possible. So why is it if the man where the one at home he would no longer be providing even by way of his wife?
My father was a driven career man. He provided financially for my mother, my sister and I. However his field of work called him to work almost ceaselessly and what time he had at home he was often too tired to be a FATHER. He was raised in a generation diluted into the same kind of thinking I see in this thread, that once a man has put food on the table his job is done. How did this affect me and my sister do you think? How do you believe a boy who grew up with a father who was not accessible on hardly any level was affected by this?
Now do I think a father cannot work and be emotionally accessible to his children and be a loving, tender husband to his wife? Of course not. However this mentality that 'providing' for his family means money, money, money is flawed beyond all belief. I'm lucky, after my father retired I was able to grow much closer to him and we have a great relationship today. This does not change the past however. It does not change that I had to awkwardly discuss things with my mother that a boy should discuss with his father nor does it erase the guilt my father feels for having had blinders on for his children's youth. Least of all it does not undue the effect this has had on the outlook of life and the view of marriage that both my sister and I will carry for the rest of our lives.
It's no coincidence my sister is now a highly successful and accomplished doctor and soon professor who would love to meet a man who could show her kids the love and closeness she never felt. It's no coincidence I am pursuing a career in pastoral counseling with an emphasis on counseling fellow pastors and families. Because not only do I hope to be a father and a husband first and foremost but I also find it utterly shameful that even men in the field of ministry are putting their flock ahead of their family. God gave them a family before he gave them a congregation just as God instituted the Family, the FIRST of HIS strongholds, thousands of years before he instituted the Church, the SECOND of HIS strongholds.
A man's ministry is first and foremost to his family no matter his line of work and I believe the Apostle Paul would agree with me on that. He decided to remain unmarried because he knew that what the Lord had called him to do would not allow him to be THERE for his family and I ask who here is a more zealous follower of the Law and the Prophets than was Saul?
If as a pastoral counselor I can remind even one man of his duties to his family that lie far above and beyond that which moth and dust doth corrupt, I will have fulfilled my calling and if after that I am blessed with a wife who is a career woman who would WANT me to stay at home to raise and perhaps even home school our children while easing her load as much as possible then I will praise God and be wholly unashamed as a MAN.
