Update!!!! I am no longer in that relationship no more that was hurting me. I had prayed to god about it and i got my answer and solution real quick but im thankful for that. Jesus was and has been working on my heart for a long time and the more i realise how much he been there the more i love him.
Now Im not going to lie and sit here and say im the perfect Christian and that i don't do this and that wrong. but i can say that god is changing me and making me the person that i need to be instead of what the world wants me to be. This world can be major pressure and thats what i feel whats going on with alot of us. Its so easy to point the finger and say "oh gawd, he needs Jesus" but its seems like its harder for ones to help you, guide you, inspire you like people who care would.
I even see it in our youth. so many of our young men and women are being misguided and misdirected. People trying to imitate the artist on tv, or what the world feels like life should be in the media, or who or what kinda man or women people should date. Its becoming crazy. We are living in a time to where being a "nice guy" seems to be bad and being a "bad boy" seems to be what they say people should want do you see the trouble with that?
And when a person is trying to change, don't stomp them out if they make mistakes. if u recall Jesus disciples weren't perfect men but they had the desire and determination to stay and follow Christ. god can read a mans heart so he knows who is trying to find him and who is trying to deceive. so "bad guys" dont get away like people think
I am not ghetto, im not hood, im not what the world wants me to be and that's cool. Im just a tattoo wearing, tough guy who loves Jesus. And hope to make friends or more in Christ that can help guide me in the right way. Unity is what we need instead of being judges. Love is a house that can never be broken or fall for ugliness causes the destruction of everything, something to remember .
I'm kinda embarrassed to speak about this but i need to get this off my chest and get some supportive answers or at least vent my feelings.
First off, have anyone ever been in a relationship to where it seems like that person is not loving you with their all or should i say love the things you do for them but not really love you? That's been the story of my life so far..
See I'm one of those nice guys. You know the type that's getting the "I just want to be friends" or "you are just too nice to be with". Every single girl friend i had always cheated on me with their ex'es and i was just a short term rebound. but my current relationship has a different story.
I have been in a unhappy relationship for 3 years. A relationship to where i know that this person doesn't fully give me their best, argues with me alot, verbal nagging and yelling, put me in a hospital 4 times for stress related reasons, lied and cheated on me and more.
But for some reason i tried so hard to make it work. But deep inside i know that its not going to happen. I can tell and feel that she is not into me. Im about to through some clues around and see if its me or is she not into me.
1. If she likes a food and i start liking the food she will stop liking it.
2. whatever things that i like she makes it a point not to like it anymore.
3. I try to get her to watch a movie with me, she doesn't like it, but someone else could want to watch the same movie she starts liking it
4. I try to sit her down and tell her how i feel, i get told that i'm causing trouble and that i don't know what im talking about.
5. She is fast to put me down, but very slow to give me any confidence or credit for anything.
6. when i try to have a conversation about life, god, my family or something at work she just ignores it. Not listen to a word i say. but wants me to hear whats going on in her life/her family/her work.
7. she down grades my family, talk about people i work with by calling them names like dirty old people or crack heads, when i know that they are not the best of people, but they are people who are trying to make a living like me.
8. If i ask for a kiss or a hug she tightens up like she just ate a lemon or come up with some lame excuse to why she can't.
9. She puts on this big show like we are the perfect couple for people/pictures and they believe it!!!!But behind closed doors it changes.
10. She quick to do for others and people who are just using her, but i take her abuse and cripes when i ask for the smallest favor.
I could go on but i guess you get the point. Everyone around me is asking why don't i leave. I am not married to her and have no kids by her. I guess i am afraid. No one even talks to me and when i do tell them my situation they just run like im poison.
And that's the part that i don't understand. There are so many people that are out there that dishonesty and disloyal and are out to game people when i am here with open heart and honesty trying to be good. but i still get hurt and stepped on. People are quick to believe a liar but someone that is telling the truth no one wants to believe him.
I just ask that people pray for me. Pray that i get the courage to just leave this painful relationship. That whatever ties i get here becomes broken. Pray that this relationship doesn't hurt me anymore than it does. I'm under alot of stress from it and work so its like i don't really get any peace.
It seems like the devil has got a boat load of weapons against me and knows how to use people to hurt me for my heart i feel is my weakness. But i know that god is with me and no weapon shall prosper, its just hard for now. i dont know how many people have been through this but i pray that no one has to or does.
Life is too short to be unhappy, i just pray that i take that advice to heart meet some people and move on
Sometimes during the day at work as i clean between the machines in a smokey section of a casino ( I hate smoke) I begin to ponder to myself about many different questions, situations, answers and solutions to the mysteries of earth, emotions and of course relationships. I also get the honor of examining life all around me.
The life, relationships and things i see around me are all so alien like to me. To be kinda honest i live a pretty lonely bland life. The things i could get into i just cant bring myself to do. I'm not into gambling or strip clubs, getting sloppy drunk that i can't remember my name, or any other crazy stuff.
But this is some of the things i wonder about.
1. Why is it when you are trying to be nice to someone they look at it as a chance to run you over?
2.Why does a person have to be/act like a jerk just to make friends or get attention? ( i'll explain that later)
3. How can some people ask god for gifts and not thank him when he gives us gifts on a daily basis?
4. If you write a song about blood and violence it gets praise but if you write a song about love and holiness people turn away?
5. Are people really honest when they say that they accept people for who they are?
Who am I? This is the question i ask myself everyday. I get wake up in the morning to look in the mirror to see many faces but yet i don't recognize any one of them. I know who the person i see in the mirror is myself but my heart is telling me that I'm not the person that i seem to be.
Its enough to make me ask the question...who or whats really real anymore. Being surrounded by lies, deception, temptation of the flesh, loneliness, friends and family being used a weapons formed against me to bring me down, Its very hard not to follow it all. But i know i must fight. for my soul, for heaven, for my soul. I get knocked down but i tell you i do and will get up.
I have hardly any friends. The ones i did have they used me to do favors or to borrow something. I never knew what it was like to have a true friend. Maybe because of the way i lived before i decided to follow Christ. I feel that meeting christian people is the way to go because i'm going to be honest im fairly new to this but i do i know that jesus is directing my path to Christan because i just don't fit in with the world or the"crowd".
Right now i could say my life is at its very bottom but i think i need to think that right now it is right where it needs to be. God has woken me up to something and i need to stick with this. I just hope i meet some good people here that can help me, teach me and that i can grow with. right now i stand as a loner, hopefully that wont be for long.
