Some will Never get married...so you won't have to be concerned about any divorce!!
Posted : 16 Mar, 2023 01:17 PM
If marriage is so difficult, why should I even consider it?
“Marriage should be honored by all” (Hebrews 13:4). A biblical marriage, consisting of one man and one woman in a loving, lifelong commitment, is an honorable and godly institution. Fads come and go, and the world has its biases, but God’s plan for marriage is still the building block of society.
Unfortunately, some people are losing their faith in marriage as an institution. Some, even those who call themselves Christians, denigrate marriage as “a fool’s game” that is bound to end in regret. Some take the disillusioned view that to make a lifelong commitment is foolhardy, since the other person is going to change—we don’t know what our spouse will be like in twenty, or even five, years. He or she could be a completely different person—are we to be held to a vow we made in our youth?
If marriage were intended only to gratify the personal desires of a man or woman, then, and only then, the description of holy wedlock as “foolish” might be valid. But a godly marriage is not selfish. The marriage vow is not a lifetime commitment to be loved. It is a vow to give love. Marriage is a commitment to give love for life. It is a determination to live for the benefit of the other person, to stand by and behind the loved one. To give and give and give, even to the point of giving one’s own life (Ephesians 5:25).
Even more fundamentally, man did not invent marriage. God did. When God made mankind male and female, placed them in Eden, and brought them together in marriage, He had a purpose in mind. The most basic purpose was that marriage would produce more people who bear God’s name and reflect His image (Genesis 1:26–28; 2:22–24). Human reproduction was God’s first stated mandate for the united Adam and Eve. Marriage, God’s first and most fundamental institution, is designed to be the foundation for the family unit.
Further, to properly and fully reflect the whole image of God, mankind was created in two genders, “male and female” (Genesis 1:27). The full reflection of God’s character in mankind requires both genders, man and woman. Marriage is the means by which the two genders are most intimately connected. When man and woman are united in marriage, they together reflect a picture of Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:22–32). Marriage is about much more than romantic bliss or companionship or sexual intercourse.
Believers find true joy in marital partnership with each other when God is their guide. Yes, the honeymoon will end. Yes, both spouses will prove to be somewhat different from what they presented to each other while courting. Yes, sooner or later both husband and wife will be disappointed in something about each other. Yes, people change, and not always for the better. But God had a good idea when He invented marriage—“very good,” according to Genesis 1:31. God even uses marriage as a metaphor for His relationship with His people (Hosea 2:19–20).
Marriage will reveal weaknesses in each individual. Trials and challenges will come. The strength of the vows will be tested. But we live by faith (2 Corinthians 5:7). Marriage is God’s institution for mankind. If He invented it, if He designed it to fulfill His purposes, and if He is in it, then it is good. We should not abandon the idea of marriage just because some people have not got out of it what they imagined they would. After all, it is not the takers of this world who find fulfillment, but the givers (Acts 20:35). Those who by God’s grace emulate the self-sacrificial giving of Christ will find marriage to be good. It will cost something—actually, it will cost everything! But, it is in giving of ourselves that we find the highest meaning of life in Christ.
None of this means that every believer must marry. God knows that it is better for some not to marry, and some situations make marriage undesirable. See 1 Corinthians 7. A single person gives self-sacrificial love in other ways and still reflects the character of God. Marriage is not for all, but marriage itself is a godly institution that should be held in esteem.
Marriage should not be miserable, and it won’t be if we understand what God intends marriage to be and follow His instructions. A godly, biblical marriage provides a lifetime of opportunities for two people to bless each other and their family in the name of Jesus Christ. Our Lord blessed His friends’ wedding at Cana with His joyful support (John 2:1–5), and He still blesses the marital union today.
The Bible does not use the words emotional abuse, but there are plenty of characteristics of emotional abuse addressed in Scripture. Emotional abuse can take many forms, including verbal assaults, threats, and insults; and non-verbal rejection, neglect, and isolation—when these behaviors are recurring, they become a pattern of emotional abuse. The most common victim of emotional abuse is a spouse, a child, or a friend who loves the abuser and is unwilling to walk away from the situation.
We have examples of emotional abuse in the Bible: Abigail was almost certainly married to an emotionally abusive husband—Nabal is described as “surly and mean,” insulting, and “wicked” by the people who knew him best (1 Samuel 25:3, 14, 25). Also, we see King Saul’s verbal mistreatment of his son Jonathan in 1 Samuel 20:30. The Babylonians “killed the sons of Zedekiah before his eyes. Then they put out his eyes,” ensuring that the last thing he ever saw was the death of his sons (2 Kings 25:7); this atrocity combined physical abuse with emotional abuse. Delilah’s nagging of Samson “day after day until he was sick to death of it” (Judges 16:16) is another example of emotional, or possibly psychological, abuse. According to the Bible, the actions of an emotional abuser are sinful and not pleasing to God.
The famous passage about love in 1 Corinthians 13 makes it obvious that emotional abuse is wrong. The apostle Paul describes the actions of real love. First, he says love is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13:4). Emotional abuse is neither patient nor kind but instead is quick to flare up at small offenses. Love “keeps no record of wrongs” (verse 5), but emotional abuse is all about pointing out how another person is wrong in everything he does, so as to protect the ego of the abuser. Love is not rude or selfish or prideful or irritable or resentful—all unfortunate qualities of emotional abuse. Instead, love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (verse 7). Sadly, it is the loving person—the one who loves unconditionally—who is most often the target of emotional abuse.
According to the Bible’s definition of love, should an emotional abuser be silently tolerated? Does love require that one overlook the abuse and “persevere” through the pain? The answer to both these questions is “no.” There are loving options other than tolerating the status quo. Abuse is a learned behavior, and if we allow it to happen and continue, we are in fact accepting it. We cannot and should not accept verbal or emotional abuse, for at least two reasons: it dishonors the Lord and it often escalates to physical abuse.
Abusing someone emotionally is not the behavior of a person walking in fellowship with the Lord. How does a relationship deteriorate to the point of emotional abuse? Somewhere along the way there was a failure to obey God’s commands regarding interpersonal relationships (see Ephesians 5:21). It takes two people to make a relationship, and each side is to have his or her own fellowship with God through Christ and to be actively choosing to honor God and one another. Without that fellowship with God, and without that commitment to honoring each other, there will be a relationship breakdown.
Any relationship plagued by emotional abuse will eventually have to choose one of three paths: one, the abuser admits fault, sees his behavior as harmful, and changes; two, the abused person walks away, at least temporarily; or, three, the abuse is allowed to continue indefinitely, to the harm of both parties.
The abuser will only find healing and forgiveness through genuine repentance and calling on the Lord. Second Corinthians 7:10 says that “godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” The difference between godly grief and worldly grief is repentance. A person who truly understands the nature of his sin will be able to feel grief that leads to repentance and salvation and a clear conscience.
We cannot make choices for someone else. We cannot stop someone’s emotional abuse. That is a choice that the abuser must make. But we can refuse to accept the abuse without arguing or making demands. The most extreme cure for emotional abuse is separation (see 1 Corinthians 7:5). A separation from the abuser can allow time to seek godly counsel from a pastor or biblical counselor so that spiritual balance can be introduced into the relationship and reconciliation can occur.
Regardless of the choices that the abuser makes, we can make the choice to obey God and honor Him in our lives. Accepting the abuse is not the way to go. Refusing to tolerate the abuse while maintaining a calm, spiritual demeanor, and without displaying rancor or contentiousness, will go a long way toward defusing a volatile situation (see Proverbs 15:1; 1 Peter 3:1–2).
The human viewpoint is that we can do “something” to change things. The Word of God tells us that only doing things God’s way brings peace that lasts.
The fact that there are so many English Bible translations is both a blessing and a problem. It is a blessing in that the Word of God is available to anyone who needs it in an easy-to-understand, accurate translation. It is a problem in that the different translations can create controversy and problems in Bible studies, teaching situations, etc. The differences between the translations can also be a subject of great division within the church body.
It is probably wise to have access to at least two or three of the major translations KJV (King James Version), NIV (New International Version), NAS (New American Standard), NKJV (New King James Version), ESV (English Standard Version), NLT (New Living Translation), CSB (Christian Standard Bible), for comparison’s sake. If a verse or passage in one translation is a little confusing, it can be helpful to compare it side-by-side with another version. It is difficult to say which translation is the "best." "Best" would be determined by a combination of the translation method personally considered best and your interpretation of the textual data underlying your translation. For example, the KJV and NAS attempted to take the underlying Hebrew and Greek words and translate them into the closest corresponding English words as possible (word for word), while the NIV and NLT attempted to take the original thought that was being presented in Greek and Hebrew and then express that thought in English (thought for thought). Many of the other translations attempt to "meet in the middle" between those two methods. Paraphrases such as The Message or The Living Bible can be used to gain a different perspective on the meaning of a verse, but they should not be used as a primary Bible translation.
There are many more Bible translations than the seven mentioned above. It is wise to have a personal method for determining whether a particular Bible translation is accurate. A good technique is to have a set of Scripture verses you know well, and look those verses up in a translation you are unsure of. A good idea is to look at some of the most common verses that speak of the deity of Christ (John 1:1, 14; 8:58; 10:30; Titus 2:13) to make sure a Bible translation is true to the Word of God. Despite the multitudes of English Bible translations, we can be confident that God’s Word is truth and that it will accomplish His purposes (Isaiah 55:11; 2 Timothy 3:16-17; Hebrews 4:12).
How can I recognize a false teacher / false prophet?
Jesus warned us that “false Christs and false prophets” will come and will attempt to deceive even God’s elect (Matthew 24:23-27; see also 2 Peter 3:3 and Jude 17-18). The best way to guard yourself against falsehood and false teachers is to know the truth. To spot a counterfeit, study the real thing. Any believer who “correctly handles the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15) and who makes a careful study of the Bible can identify false doctrine. For example, a believer who has read the activities of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in Matthew 3:16-17 will immediately question any doctrine that denies the Trinity. Therefore, step one is to study the Bible and judge all teaching by what the Scripture says.
Jesus said “a tree is recognized by its fruit” (Matthew 12:33). When looking for “fruit,” here are three specific tests to apply to any teacher to determine the accuracy of his or her teaching:
1) What does this teacher say about Jesus? In Matthew 16:15-16, Jesus asks, “Who do you say I am?” Peter answers, “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God,” and for this answer Peter is called “blessed.” In 2 John 9, we read, “Anyone who runs ahead and does not continue in the teaching of Christ does not have God; whoever continues in the teaching has both the Father and the Son.” In other words, Jesus Christ and His work of redemption is of utmost importance; beware of anyone who denies that Jesus is equal with God, who downplays Jesus’ sacrificial death, or who rejects Jesus’ humanity. First John 2:22 says, “Who is the liar? It is the man who denies that Jesus is the Christ. Such a man is the antichrist—he denies the Father and the Son.”
2) Does this teacher preach the gospel? The gospel is defined as the good news concerning Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection, according to the Scriptures (1 Corinthians 15:1-4). As nice as they sound, the statements “God loves you,” “God wants us to feed the hungry,” and “God wants you to be wealthy” are not the complete message of the gospel. As Paul warns in Galatians 1:7, “Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ.” No one, not even a great preacher, has the right to change the message that God gave us. “If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned!” (Galatians 1:9).
3) Does this teacher exhibit character qualities that glorify the Lord? Speaking of false teachers, Jude 11 says, “They have taken the way of Cain; they have rushed for profit into Balaam’s error; they have been destroyed in Korah’s rebellion.” In other words, a false teacher can be known by his pride (Cain’s rejection of God’s plan), greed (Balaam’s prophesying for money), and rebellion (Korah’s promotion of himself over Moses). Jesus said to beware of such people and that we would know them by their fruits (Matthew 7:15-20).
For further study, review those books of the Bible that were written specifically to combat false teaching within the church: Galatians, 2 Peter, 1 John, 2 John, and Jude. It is often difficult to spot a false teacher/false prophet. Satan masquerades as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:14), and his ministers masquerade as servants of righteousness (2 Corinthians 11:15). Only by being thoroughly familiar with the truth will we be able to recognize a counterfeit.
