Hey everyone. In the past few weeks I've come to several realizations about myself and my time spent on this site. Most notably, I've concluded that the site is both a distraction and ineffective at it's purpose.
As Christians, we are called to excellence in whatever we do. We are also called to know and spend time with our Lord. However, I've noticed that I spend so much time distracted by reading forum posts and clicking through profiles that I am neglecting both to spend time with God and to improve my knowledge for my graduate degree. Neither thing is good.
Also, I have come to realize that clicking through profiles is not helping me in finding a potential mate. There are many women on this site. Many are very physically attractive and I'm sure most are good Christian women. However, I find that I can just click through pages of profiles as if each woman is just a piece of meat in the supermarket and that is just wrong. Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder but, for me at least, beauty comes from the heart and I've only read one profile in six months that gave me a glimpse of a heart that mine responded to (it helped that it contained a link to a blog which really stuck out). I don't know about the rest of you, but with the profiles that most people give, I know about as much about them as I would going up to any girl I meet offline. That being the case, why don't I just learn to meet women offline?
Guys, as men we are suppose to pursue a woman if we are interested. However, this is second to following and being disciples of Christ. If we do the latter and it is His will for us to do the former, then it will happen. I know this all too well. My last girlfriend entered my life at a time when I was in step with God like I'd never been before. The relationship didn't lead to marriage but I know for sure that God's fingerprints were all over it.
I now realize that I've become so concerned with finding a girlfriend that I've been distracted from the things God desires of me as well as both lonely and discouraged over several things. My membership on this site has been an attempt at self-medication. Since that is the case, I have decided that it is time for me to move on. I am going to look to Christ to lead me. I am going to strive for excellence in my undertakings. And should I meet a woman who's heart speaks to me, I will have the courage to pursue her.
I want to thank all of you (bcpianogal, browneyedgirlky, two, chevy, cobbler, Iaokim, Tulip, MsMarvel, godslamb, river, and others) for the conversations had on these forums over the last several months. They have often been quite entertaining and stimulating. I wish you all the best and hope God blesses you immeasurably.
"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next." - Gladiator
This just came to me out of the ether and it's rather deep so I'll share it....The greatest treasures are found when you are not necessarily looking for them.
Maybe this is a tad weird but sort of related...should I ever have a son, I think it would be cool to name him Matthias Isaac. I'm not sure if those are my favorite guy names but I definitely like them.
It seems now I may be the one with egg on my face.
Pixy, I'm sorry to have said anything that was incorrect. I was not upset by anything you said previously as much as I was by the feeling my attempt at peace-making had been scuttled by others trying to have the last word. I was probably harder on you than I should have been simply because your post on the previous topic was the longest and drew my attention more.
As far as previous arguments with Two go, I don't have anything substantial to point you to. I wasn't lying in that I remember them or at least think I do. It is entirely possible that I am misremembering and replacing someone else with Two. My comment about how many times you reported Two should be taken with a grain of salt. I did say the number was alleged so it is more hearsay than a solid number.
I'm also sorry I said you were twice my age. I should have known to check since you are not even 1.5 times my age.
Manofgod, I am sorry to have been so blunt. I understand what you are saying about combative types. I often find myself trying to play referee. Don't go away over one issue. Everyone has their hot button issues that make them see red.
Chevy, since I'm sure you'll read this and probably feel upset by it, I'm sorry to have been so blunt and to assume I know you from my contact with you on the forums. My above comment is probably unfair.
In fact, after having calmed down a bit, I'm sorry to all of you. This topic was rather tactless of me to start in the first place.
I can see that my attempt to break up the bickering with a level-headed, biblical appeal to sanity and civility has apparently gone unheeded. I don't know what to say except that I can't believe I'm attempting to break up the childish squabbles of people twice my age.
What I will say is that I have HAD ENOUGH! I am going to speak my piece and then hopefully we can all drop it. I will give the warning that some of you are not going to like what I have to say and will want to spit fire back at me when you read it. Please attempt to take a bit and meditate on what I've had to say before writing a knee-jerk comment that is sure to incite further issue.
First to Pixy, I did not post my previous comment for you to justify your position. I posted it for people to think about what was going on and hopefully learn from it. Notice that I did not specifically mention anyone nor draw attention to any particular argument about sexual slavery or any of the bickering that followed. The small thing I was referring to was the original disagreement about it. I take exception to the fact that between you and chevy, the topic was hijacked.
I do not fault you for reporting Two. Anyone who has been on here for long knows that the two of you had prior history of vehement disagreements on things. Two was out of line and deserved to be reported as he was. However, the fact remains that the number of times you allegedly reported him likely caused his expulsion from the site, whether directly or indirectly. I'm going to refer you back to the very verses you quoted previously, Matthew 18:15-17:
15 �If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that �every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
It seems to me that you did verse 15 and possibly 16, but I for one did not know until your post today that you had contacted him about it so I have to ask if you really followed verse 17 and told it to the church (which in this case I would take to mean making it common knowledge on the forums that you'd contacted him privately). Had others known, is it so hard to conceive that we would have stepped forward faster to tell Two to put a clamp on it? As it was, the continued reporting only seemed to make him more irrationally angry so as to keep shooting himself in the foot. I don't know much but that seems both a little passive aggressive and like causing a brother to stumble. On a related note, once the comments turned to personal attacks, why report even those? I know the rules are the rules but sometimes you need to have a little mercy and turn the other cheek. The guy was clearly angry and being irrational for pity�s sake. Let it go, give him time to regain his composure, and then make it known that what he did was hurtful. He may well have realized his folly and apologized.
Now to Chevy, I have no quarrel with you besides the above mentioned hijacking of a topic. I like reading your comments and appreciate having you on the site. I also appreciate the offer to teach me to change my oil. However, sir, there are times when you (and Two if he is reading this) need to learn to SHUT UP and think about what you are saying before you say it! When you get into an argument, you have a tendency to continue picking at and belittling the person with the opposite opinion. Did you even read my previous post? What does James 3 say about taming the tongue? With the very first response after my post you made a comment about the �censorship police.� Anyone who had followed the back and forth knew who you were talking about. When the argument is over (especially when it�s become sensitive), DROP IT! Forgive and forget; that is what Christ did for us. That is what we need to do for others, especially our fellow Christians.
To manofgod�..really sir? I haven�t seen a comment by you through the entire argument and you jump in now to hurl an insult and insinuate violence. You must understand that you are just stirring the pot with a comment like that. Say something useful or keep it to yourself.
To Two, if you�re reading this I just don�t know what to say to you. You are one stubborn guy. Sometimes it�s good, sometimes it�s not. Maybe pick your battles a little better and also have a look at James 3.
Now, as I said at the beginning, I�m sure some of you are offended or are angry with me. Please take some time to cool down and reflect on what I�ve said. Is it untrue? If it is then I apologize. My aim here is not to attack anyone but to bring to light certain issues. I am not perfect myself. If you feel the need to comment, then please feel free to do so. If I have crossed a line, then Admin, please feel free to drop the curtain because I won�t argue. If there is nothing else, let�s please move on with our lives and be CIVIL with each other.
Over the last two days I've read a firestorm of comments between a few people here that began with something small and spiraled out of control. Of those people involved, it seems no one thought to step back and see the folly of what they were doing. The end result is that one has now been banned, a few more have had their reputations tarnished on this site, and others are hurt by flippant comments.
If you don't believe me that others were hurt by comments, I am a prime example. There was a comment made about people with a spoiled prince attitude who can't even change their own oil. That touches a very tender nerve with me. I commented to my uncle just this evening that I feel like I lack real life skills that a man needs to know such as changing ones oil. Shoot, I feel like if I am to be married at some point in this life, I'm expected to know how to fix stuff and my best answer will be to duct tape it and call someone. I can do a lot of things but this comment sure feels like a jab at a weakness of mine. Long story short, I feel disappointed in the people who carried this conversation on.
I understand some of those involved have reconciled their differences. This is good. However, I think we can all learn from this experience by examining scripture.
James 3 says:
Taming the Tongue
1 Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.
3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one�s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God�s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
Two Kinds of Wisdom
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such �wisdom� does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.
If nothing else, we need to take from this that what we say can have very powerful effects either for good or bad. As such, when we speak, what we say must sow exactly the things listed in verse 17. If it does not and we refuse to see our folly when it is pointed out to us, we give Satan a foothold to part us from each other and make us worse off than we were before. I think Luke 11:17-26 in some ways points this out:
17 Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them: �Any kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and a house divided against itself will fall. 18 If Satan is divided against himself, how can his kingdom stand? I say this because you claim that I drive out demons by Beelzebul. 19 Now if I drive out demons by Beelzebul, by whom do your followers drive them out? So then, they will be your judges. 20 But if I drive out demons by the finger of God, then the kingdom of God has come upon you.
21 �When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are safe. 22 But when someone stronger attacks and overpowers him, he takes away the armor in which the man trusted and divides up his plunder.
23 �Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.
24 �When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, �I will return to the house I left.� 25 When it arrives, it finds the house swept clean and put in order. 26 Then it goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first.�
In conclusion, I want to implore everyone who posts regularly on these forums to do so with civility, patience, and wisdom. We are fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Yes we may have differing opinions, but if we cannot treat each other as Christ demonstrated to us how much is our witness affected?
Good night and I look forward to further conversation with everyone soon.
Women who have a need to Always be the center of attention
Posted : 12 Jun, 2011 11:47 AM
To answer the original question, I'd say yes. Having read both "Wild at Heart" and "Captivating," I think many young girls have a need to be given attention especially by their fathers. They need to be told and shown that they are beautiful. When this doesn't materialize, it can cause a spiritual wound in which a woman later in life feels a craving for attention if she doesn't let God heal that wound.
I want to clarify that this does not mean all women are like that and anyone (male or female) can cause others irritation if they need to be the center of attention all the time.
Well, I may be about to step barefoot into a warm cowpie with this one but I think everyone posting in this topic needs to step back and take a breather. Go read James 3 and then Matthew 18:15-20.
Two, I was not offended by your comment. I could tell you were joking and gave you the benefit of the doubt. However, I can see how others may have taken offense. You need to understand that when you make a joke about a sensitive topic, it is wise to accept criticism of the joke with humility rather than dismissing the concern of a brother or sister in Christ who may have taken issue with it.
Now to everyone else who piled on Two, why do you feel the need to do so? If you took offense to his comment, try keeping a level head and maybe just try sending him a private comment instead. There is no reason to publicly pile on a guy for a flippant comment that is clearly in jest. When you do things like that, you alienate a brother. Are we not, as Christians, suppose to be loving and open with each other? Piling on one another does not strike me as that.
Pixy and Two (and Chevy to some extent), I've seen several topics now where you have disagreed vehemently with each other and I see a lot of either traded barbs or things where one person basically does the online equivalent of crossing your arms and stonewalling the other. I'm not saying you have to like each other or agree on everything but as Christians, you should at least attempt to deal with each other in humility even if previous attempts to do so have not been met with success.
That is all I have to say for now. Sorry if I have offended anyone.
I'm pretty much in agreement with most of the other guys on this one. It would really vex me if I were to marry someone and she didn't want to take my last name. What girl wouldn't want to be "Good"? :laugh:
Of course, being a scientist, I could appreciate if she didn't want to take my name for certain reasons. I know several profs who began publishing papers before they were married and kept their maiden name at least professionally because changing it causes problems in their career (mainly with citing those papers and being recognized for them). I'd be ok with that especially if she used my name for other things.
