Best first date I have ever been on was going to a bar to watch a Packer game (as I didn't actually have TV at the time), and after that went to a gun show. BEST FIRST DATE EVER! Probably best of all time :)
Exactly, right on! I absolutely agree with your assessment that it would be better to figure out each others love language early on. And I was just using an extreme example of two people who were in a relationship, but didn't know what the other person was trying to show in my example above.
My suggestion would be to figure it out early on, and then if you have a hard time expressing your love in the way that the other person enjoys, try listening/experiencing through your partner's view point.
I believe the 5 love languages are meant to be used to understand why your partner is doing/saying the things they are doing/saying. It is more a key to unlock misunderstandings than to say that someone would not be a good match for another person. A way to read between the lines, or a way to translate/figure out the language you are seeing/hearing.
As I said in the previous post . . . my lowest/least favorite type of love is physical touch, BUT because I know that, I am able to compensate for it with certain people. My parents and siblings know I don't like hugging or touching others very much, but they also know that when I do, it is because I know they enjoy hugging or physical touch, so I do it to show them love.
Lets see, from what I remember, the languages of love include 1) Acts of service, 2) Gifts, 3) Physical touch, 4) Words of Affirmation, and 5) Quality time.
Each person has a way they express love, and that expression can fall into one or more of these categories. It is interesting and helpful if you know (or can figure out) what your loved ones way of expressing love is, so that you can show them love in their own language.
Extreme Example: My primary love language is Acts of Service and Quality Time . . . and my least favorite way of being shown love is Physical Touch. Lets say that my future husband really enjoys hugging and giving back rubs and holding hands all the time (physical touch), and he thinks that he is showing me how much he loves me by doing that to me and I think he is being super annoying, but he never helps me build the shelves that I started working on a long time ago (quality time and acts of service), then I will be super frustrated and believe that he does not love me. And if I spend time reading the book he likes to him or raking the leaves so he doesn't have to do it, he may think that I don't love him because I am not giving him a hug every 3 seconds.
This is an EXTREME example, but if you understand how another person expresses their love, then you can pick up on what they are trying to tell you.
In your original post, I just thought that maybe the guy was showing love in a different way than showing public displays of affection(physical touch), which seems to maybe be the way you enjoy showing love (just based on what you wrote in the OP)
. . . also, PDAs in certain Christian circles are not acceptable, and maybe he grew up in such a society?
Perhaps this guy does not have the love language of touching. Maybe his love language is doing things for others, or giving gifts.
Just wanted to give you another perspective on what you have seen in this guy's reaction to public displays of affection. He probably can show love, but you may be interpreting it based on your love language instead of his love language. Just a thought.
I have as my first sentence in my profile my distaste for winks, and when I do receive a wink, I dismiss it, because I know that if a guy actually reads the first sentence of my profile, they would know how much I don't like them and that I will not respond to them . . . therefore if they didn't take the time to even look at my profile, then I shouldn't have to take the time to write them a message or pay them any attention at all . . . as the OP mentioned, that makes me think they are lazy. It is just my way of weeding out the ones that are lazy :)
I also mention that any sort of question, no matter how random it is will be answered!
I am not worried about him (stunned me for a minute, but put him out of my mind immediately) . . . just am wanting people's thoughts on the responses I am sending to emails that I get. Maybe I shouldn't have given the whole back story to the situation, but I really just want to know people's opinions on the last paragraph of the first post . . . the rest is just back story.
BTW: I just found out that that un-gentleman has been banned from the site.
Hi, I just needed some other people to tell about what has been happening to me on this site over the last few days.
I sometimes get messages that have what I call filler questions/statements and only that. Such as: How are you doing . . . Hows it going? . . . Whats up? . . . etc. I don't answer these emails, mostly because I don't like filler questions in real life, so why should I email a filler answer back, they obviously don't really want to know anything at all about me (or have not even read my profile).
A few days ago I got one of these filler emails, and because of another thread on these chat forums, I decided to let him know that I did not enjoy getting a non email and how he could improve his next email to a gal and actually get a response.
I said things like "you should add a picture to your profile" . . . "ask a question that I will be able to answer and you will get an actual answer" . . . "try reading the gals profile and asking a question based on what you find" . . . (I also told him that scamers tend to send one sentence questions and ask for personal info right away, therefore let him know not to do that).
In response to this nice helpful email that I sent, he responded with an all caps email telling me that I was a scammer, that he didn't need my advice, that I insulted him, that I am playing games . . . and on and on . . . I was so offended that I sent back an email that said this "Hey, just trying to help. No worries, just cause I don't like to make small talk in person, doesn't mean that I will enjoy it over email. Like I said, just trying to help."
He then sent me another offensive email telling me that he didn't need to apologize (for what I don't know cause I didn't ask for an apology) or that I should keep all my counseling to myself, to stop wasting his time . . . etc.
He is now blocked from emailing me.
My question for you all is this . . . guys have said on this forum that they want to hear back from us, even if it is to dismiss them . . . so should I keep just ignoring all the emails that I don't feel deserve a response? Or should I respond with a helpful email and just hope they don't blow up on me? Or should I just email saying "You didn't write an email that would solicit a response?"
I sort of just wanted to vent to the people on this site, but also am interested in other gals stories, or guys thoughts on this. Thanks ahead of time!
