Hello Debra, sorry I'm so late to this discussion, however, I hope your situation has improved. I won't offer you any "Christianese" platitudes, just a little bit of logical/ practical suggestions. I hope your son has received some counselling support in jail, that will help him turn his life around.
I just wanted to mention that you might like some of the "Boundaries in. . ." Books, by Cloud & Townsend, I believe. It's okay to set good boundaries with your son, especially to keep yourself healthy, and financially stable, plus not being an enabler will help your son to take responsibility for his own life and actions. As he makes healthy choices, you could decide to support him in ways like going to counselling together- if he's still in jail, hopefully they would have a psychologist available, etc.
Same goes for your daughter and her friends. Bravo to her for standing up for what she believes in, if keeping her virginity is important to her, no one should bully her into choosing differently!! - As you make healthy choices for yourself - aka - having healthy boundaries in your own life, it will be easier for your daughter (& son) to respect you, and follow suit.
I hope that God has granted you wisdom, discernment, and peace, when dealing with your family members.
