Before getting married I repeatedly said that I did not believe in divorce, and that it marriage is to be forever, because that's the way GOD intended it to be, more over, in the old testament of the bible, it said that GOD hates divorce - he did not say it will not happen. Then Jesus Christ came and explained it to me. What did I learn:
(1) GOD's ideal comes with two becoming one flesh, united. If you and your spouse do not live in unity - commitment to love and respect for each other, then the marriage fails the unity test and passes GOD's separation test.
(2) The man that is referred to by the bible when it comes to separation is an institution that as designated itself as "the authorities" in this matter, that is, the courts, city counsel, etc. They do not have the authority to declare a marriage dissolved but GOD does and sometimes he exercise that authority. The bible says to leave all judgement to GOD, he will repay.
(3) Not all unions are as a result of GOD's joining together, example transactional marriages, whether implicit or explicit, subtle or plain.
(4) The heart of men/women can become hardened in their position and unresponsive to GOD creating an environment of hatred. It also introduces the element of unforgiveness. The scripture says if you do not forgive others their transgression, your Heavenly Father will not forgive you your transgression.
(5) The criteria for adultery is more than the physical act of sex. The act of lusting in one's heart for another man's wife or woman's husband - this goes back to the command that say that you must not covet your neighbour's wife or husband and also the principle that, it's what comes out of a man's heart that defiles him. But there is a principle here I believe that Jesus Christ is pointing us towards. Anything done to defile or desecrate or damage or violate the union with your spouse may be considered adulterous to the union. The act of deliberately withholding having sexual intercourse with your spouse for a very extended period of time as a means to punishing or as an indication that you are no longer interested in honouring the union may be considered here as an example.
(6) We must not become self-righteous or condemn another. Christ did not condemn the lady caught in the act of adultery to death, physical or eternal, so as human we do not have that authority. Christ is consistent, remember the woman at the well.
(7) Grace and mercy is offered to us through JESUS Christ.
As Christians is it wrong to desire and be with someone that we're attracted to?
Posted : 4 Oct, 2014 03:55 PM
What is attraction? In my opinion it is a preprogrammed idea of a thing we like. Many people are visual and therefore their visual preference leads them to make the first decision as to whether or not to engage. I am visual.
Then there are the persons who say they are attracted to intellect but this can only happen if you engage another in a conversation. Take for instance a person who is considered a geek. How the person dress and their deportment is a factor in determining the engagement. It happens at a subconscious level. I think intellect is more of a stimulant that deepens the attraction.
I have found that on-line dating can be difficult, again because people are visual. Despite this being a Christian dating site people still segment themselves. Most people don't engage if there is no photograph. Ethnicity may play a factor, country of origin, it may be tall and handsome, pillow bear and sensitive, petite and pretty, voluptuous and beautiful, plain and simple. Authenticity is a weight applied by the individual which in their judgement is a good guestimate of the truth. Being truthful does not guarantee that you will be viewed as authentic and therefore lessen the possibility of engagement.
Lets be honest. For one thing, Christianity means different things for different people because different people have different value systems. People take either their non-Christian experience with them and tailor their Christian belief to meet their former expectations. For example, If we say there is but ONE GOD and if the Kingdom of GOD is one Kingdom, one people through Christ, why should ethnicity matter? A person who grew up in the church/Christianity or a new convert with great passion and enthusiasm to serve the LORD may modify their beliefs and preference based on doctrine, wrong or right. So for them what I call phraseology becomes a very important part of their attraction and how spiritual or non-spiritual the person sounds, but again visual trumps all most of the time.
The basic tendencies of most women to be attracted to power, physical, financial or other has not been lost on this site either. The truth is, the detection or revelation of emotional and spiritual power/strength can only be realized after over time, so only speculative calculations are made at the outset based on the individual prior experience. The same happens with men, whether its attaining the "trophy partner", sexual motivation or the home maker syndrome - wash, cook, clean, etc. In the movie, "think like a man" there is a scene where the question is posed to one of the women, "if you make six figures already, own your own home, drive a high end car why do you need a man who is also making six figures and the rest if there is a man out there who will just love you for you?". If you are already super attractive woman why do you need a man that will be competing with you or material things to justify who you are?
So we must first realize that we are all imperfect beings with our own flaws and nuances. The question is are we open to GOD's plan or we are steadfast to our own plan.
It is said that the divorce rate amongst people calling themselves Christians is now higher than the average of non-Christian marriages.
So what is realistic, if we are all Christians seeking the same goal which is to worship GOD in spirit and in truth? The premise here being that we are all being honest people. My belief is that it still comes down to our deep rooted value system and physical preference. At the end of the day, if your priority is your career, or financial advancement and my priority is family and church, no matter the physical attraction their will be friction. Enough friction to cause an atomic fraction and a splitting of the atom from one to many. The right balance of personality types may also assist in more successful relationships.
I have been told several times by women that I have met either through work or social engagement that their first impression of me is that of a "nerd". That impression quickly fades as we interact and they get to know the true me, not the perceived image. It may be the intellectual side that shows up in my physical features I suppose. And I am sure there are many more accounts like mine.
In the final analysis, just be real and true to yourself and ultimately to GOD. He has given us the power of choice. How we use it is completely up to us. He will guide the process but only if we allow Him to.
