weak_me
Ready to relocate now
- Gender
- Male | 38
- Country
- Lithuania
- City
- Klaipeda
- State
- Klaipedos Apskritis
- Height
- 6'0"
- Last Login Date
- Click here to learn more
- Age
- 38
- Eye Color
- Blue
- Body Type
- Slender
- Hair Color
- Grey
- Ethnicity
- Other Ethnicity
- Denomination
- Faith
- Looking For
- A Marriage Partner
- Church Name
- None at the moment
- Church Attendance
- No answer
- Church Raised In
- Catholic
- Do you drink?
- No
- Smoker
- No
- Willing to relocate?
- Sure, why not
- Marital Status
- Single
- Do you have children?
- No
- Do you want children?
- Want Children
- Education Level
- Some School
- My Profession
- None
- Interests
- About Me
-
Not looking for a long distance relationship but rather willing to relocate if we match.
I know I won't be interesting to many but I'm not looking for many just one who understands.
Brief summary of my life:
So for around 15 years now I have been seeking God to heal me so I could live a normal life and be comfortable in my body. At first it was just a hope I will become better if I stop all sin in my life. I did not know God at the time but I had heard about Him. While I tried and tried and failed in all my strength to stop sin my life was very lonely. I lived in my own world of fear and torment. I was suffering from extremely evil nightmares that made me shake from fear every time I woke up. I was dreaming about love, I used to imagine in those moments how this Jesus which I yet didn't know loved me, I uses to imagine His light and love upon me, I used to concentrate with all my might on that light and my fear eased a little. I wanted to marry and love a wife too but that was not possible because I was tormented by impured thoughts and was avoiding females altogether. Then some years later a personal tragedy happened. Perhaps it was meant to totally crush me but it also made me seek for help. I had not known God at the time but I have heared about Him. I went out seeking for help to some local ministry and there they told me I needed Holy Spirit and prayed over me. Some days passed I could not understand what was happening to me. For the first time in my life I started feeling something other than fear, evil darkness and pain. I wanted to find out what was happening to me. I realized I didn't have that cripling fear anymore and even had forgotten I had it. I was feeling joy which I had never felt before. I had gotten used to living a life of suffering and pain. And there a hope arose that now my life will finally change! I dove in with all I had. I watched hours and hours of youtube preachings and teachings and absorbed like a sponge. I started attending conferences, I saw miracles, my prayers were answered. Before I went to a conference I prayed that I could meet Todd White and I met him at the airport after the conference and he prayed over me. I was so humbled that somebody like God listened to my prayer. I wept. Then I felt the strength which I never had before to face those demons that were tormenting me all those years and who had kept me absolutely terrified in fear. I was no longer affraid. I went after every evil impure thing in me and wanted to rip that out. I wanted the truth, I wanted purity, I wanted to be washed clean having felt so filthy all those years. My mind had been so messed up from never ending mental torment I had started to think I was some kind of psychopat and there was no hope for me. I had never been able to follow on what was going on in my mind yet alone control my thoughts. But now I felt I was able. Previously I kept losing concentration all the time, wouldn't hear half of what was said to me. Now I was absorbing hours and hours and teachings I was so alert! Then it started the deliverances just right there in my room while I was praying. Then I started balancing between very good and very bad. At the height of my faith I was the weakest in my body. I was so so weak I could barely function. I was driven by hope though that soon I will be miraculously healed and it will soon change. And there it happened I got involved with some Christians who didn't just want to sit and do nothing. They had no experience but they had faith. And at one meeting a group of people prayed for me for 3 days! I will never forget the dedication. And a miracle happened! On a second day Gods presence entered the room so strongly that I felt engulfed in something that felt like I warm troppical rain. My body became non responsive, I could barely move my limbs. As those 'vibrations' how I then described that engulfed my whole body I felt release. My head became so free and clear (I had suffered in my head and ears for years) I was overjoyed I started shouting 'I am healed' although I could barely speak. Next day I felt so free even though I had not slept the entire time I was there. I described that as the best day of my life. Unfortunately my healing didn't last. I thought if I got prayed for one my time that weakness could finally be beaten. But then at another gathering this time very large nobody prayed for me. I couldn't sleep the entire time my senses got impaired I became dissoriented I got lost and was late to the gathering. Imagine being that weak that it is hard to ask somebody for directions. As I was wondering lost I was rethinking how my life has been. I was offended that I have to feel that way. I started throwing my first tantrums, I would not speak to anybody just suffer inside pitying myself. Eventually I got prayed for at other gatherings, each time stronger were my supernatural experiences but I became increasingly dissapointed as I noticed there was no real change in my body, no altered physical matter. Or so I believed. At slightest symptom I would lose it and start turning my back on God. I did it so that He would pay attention to me and see that I am really suffering and finally do something about it. I kept dropping and trying to pick up faith again till I could no longer pick it up. I didn't want to lose faith but I didn't want to suffer any longer either. I didn't believe God allow something worse to happen to me but suddenly my health got much worse. I'm now at the worst point in my life. I hear insanely loud ringing in my ears, have excruciating headaches often. Feel some sort of deep weakness in me. I think often about death. I'm still trying to understand where it went wrong. At the time I thought I was in a bad shape until it became much worse. Now I understand that back then at the height of my faith I was feeling much better despite my weakness.
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