Thread: Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
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Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 7 May, 2011 03:09 PM
Okay, wanted to talk about something that sincerely bugs me.
This was brought up in the post "Finish this question?"
I read everything that was said, and a lot of it made sense to me, as I'm sure it did to others, but some of it didn't.
I believe God does have a will for all of us, and that we have to pray, and do things in faith, and that it's important we go to him for things we need, but I believe there's a serious and dangerous lie within this "If I get married it has to be God's will." Let me explain what I mean. These are people who are usually bombarded with these words, and almost encouraged to stay single by the church, not find a wife, or a husband.
What on earth is with this? They're complicating things that should be pretty easy, making people feel bad for wanting a spouse, and wanting to have children. I've seen this pattern before in a lot of church groups, it's extremely sad to watch.
Yes, pray and seek God's will about it, but you don't have to be doomed to a life of perpetual singleness, the person God has planned for you MAY show up at your door, but I think it's okay to look for a wife/husband in the meantime. The Lord said to go says a lot about marriage and children in the bible...I don't think he said "Well...maybe..maybe not, you should pray about it and see, you may be chosen to be single. Really, I'm not letting you know."
The gift of singleness is called a "gift" for a reason, few people have it. Which is okay. It is better to marry than to burn. Staying single doesn't give you anymore peace, anymore strength, doesn't make you anymore "holy" if you will, than realizing you need a wife/husband.
Well, I suppose this was sort of a rant, needed to be said though.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 7 May, 2011 09:07 PM
Godslamb, it�s not just an isolated few, it�s everyone in my life. Whether it�s true or not, the point is that I need help, and no one will help me. This isn�t something that people can talk me through, I need someone in person, and there is no one I can go to.
Here comes the answer: �You can always go to God�.
I love that one. What they are really saying is that they are giving up hope because they don�t think I have a chance. How can I ever find someone if I can�t get my own family and friends to believe in me?
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 01:36 AM
Rachel...great thread.
I've never married and have only dated two gals. I've heard it all from Christians and non-Christians alike. Most assume I'm divorced or homosexual. "He must have problems", or "He must be shy", or "He can't possibly be happy". The list seems endless. Christians mean well. Most lack wisdom. Forgiveness and a smile are the answers I try to use (even when I'm about to pop them upside the head......no, I wouldn't do that!). Yes, Christians are too often insensitive. I've had my mouth open way too often myself.
We must pray for one another for we are experiencing what is common. It's good to know I'm not the only one in this boat. Thanks everyone for sharing.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 04:22 AM
I must be the odd one because my church family even my Pastor is supportive of me and is praying for me for a mate.
Do I get discouraged at times..Ah yes I do.
I believe it`s a need just like any other need and God said He would meet all our needs according to His riches and glory.
But to put it in prespective when you see what happened in Japan and the tornados in the south US where peoples lives have been turned upside down our need of a mate seem pretty miniscule.
It`s all in God`s perfic timing. Not always in ours.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 05:03 AM
(In my opinion).....If a person who says they really desire a mate is not weeping and pleading with God everyday for a mate, there is something deep down in them that either does not really want a mate or they do not want to rely on God.
(Again, in my opinion).... There are people in this world that way deep down don't want to be married, but wish they could be married. Most do not even realize they could be one of these people. The way to tell if you are one of these people is to honestly access how much time, effort and fasting you put into pleading with God for a mate.
Cause the truth of the matter is God answers prayer that comes from deep inside!
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 09:20 AM
It may just seem that easy, The bible does say ask and you will receive, therefore people must not be asking, or asking the right way, or asking hard enough.
I just can't believe that.
In this line of thinking this could also be applied to someone dying, and praying that the Lord save them, and if the Lord doesn't heal them, they must not have wanted to be healed that much.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 10:48 AM
Dungeon / Desert / Preparation time...
Joseph's desert / dungeon time was spent in a literal dungeon.
Hannah's desert / dungeon time was her barren womb - and that while in the midst of her "seemingly" fruitful rival.
Moses went through his preparation time as did the Israelites after being brought out of Egypt.
EVERY believer experiences a similar preparation time in their lives - and for some, this is going to be relationships.
Where I believe people get off, is when they place their focus upon any other blessing besides the blessing of coming into a deeper relationship with God = "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Mathew 6:33
How important is our relationship to God? Read the book of Job in the Bible. Job HAD what many people desire and are focused upon. And you know what? God took it all a way in a single day in order that Job who'd only heard of God, might finally know HIM in a way he never had before.
If God would act "lovingly" in this way towards one of His children post-marriage, then He'll probably do it pre as well.
Is our focus the Lord? Or is it something else? Are we finding our joy in our relationship with Him? Or are we longing to find it in something or someone else?
Are we busy living the Life of Christ - loving others? Or are we busy wanting to be loved? Do we have a heart that is geared towards serving others (as Christ did), or are we wanting to be served?
Do we desire and love the Lord.....the way we're wanting someone else to desire and love us? Or have we withheld ourselves for years from the type of relationship with God, that we've wanted Him to bless us with with someone else?
"Treat others the same way you want them to treat you." Luke 6:31....While we're asking the Lord to treat us a specific way, we need to seriously consider how we've treated Him.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 11:02 AM
Mydreamtime, that is exactly my point. If God gives us good gifts, and we desire the gift of a spouse but are still single, then we must not be loving the Lord enough for him to give us the gift of a spouse.
For many of us, it�s not about not being able to find a Godly wife or husband, it�s about not knowing what we are doing and chasing people away. But, if we ask for help, everyone starts throwing accusations at you stating that your only problem is that you are not close enough to God.
My point is that there is NEVER A RESON WHY OTHERS SHOULD HELP THOSE WHO ARE SINGLE FIND A SPOUSE. IT IS ALWAYS THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR SINGLE PEOPLE TO LOOK AFTER OTHERS, BUT WHEN A SINGLE PERSON NEEDS HELP FINDING SOMEONE, THEY ARE CONDEMED AND TOLD THEY ARE WRONG FOR ASKING FOR HELP.
SINGLE PEOPLE JUST NEED TO SHUT UP, QUIT THEIR WHINNING, AND BE ALONE BECAUSE IT MUST BE GOD�S WILL.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 11:06 AM
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ALWAYS BEING TOLD THAT WE JUST NEED TO LOVE THE LORD, AS IF I DON�T. IF I DID LOVE THE LORD, I WOULDN�T BE ALONE, I WOULD KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO SAY AND WHAT TO DO TO FIND A WIFE, AND TONS OF WOMEN WOULD JUST BE THROWING THEMSELVES AT ME.
BUT, BECAUSE I DESIRE A WIFE AND CAN�T FIND ONE, THEN THAT IS ABSOLUTE PROOF THAT I AM NOT READING THE BIBLE, PRAYING EVERY DAY FOR A WIFE, AND NOT OBAYING GOD�S WILL.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 11:30 AM
"If God gives us good gifts, and we desire the gift of a spouse but are still single, then we must not be loving the Lord enough for him to give us the gift of a spouse."
Cobbler,
Who are we to say to the Lord that where He has us is not a good gift in itself? For Joseph, being placed in a dungeon was one of the most precious gifts he probably ever received, because it was exactly what God knew he needed in order to be able to receive HIM, and to become "usable" to the Lord.
Could Joseph have fought the Lord's will for him during those 12-14 years? Could he have brought into question God's goodness and ability to "give good gifts"? You bet he could have. But God could have kept adding years to the 12-14 he was already facing. I'm pretty certain that we're able to add years to our dungeons as well.
Getting married/Believing what amounts to be a lie.
Posted : 8 May, 2011 11:43 AM
The example of Job,
Job, in all his righteousness was not able to reveal God to himself the way the Lord had to do for him - neither are we.
You're right, it has nothing to do with beating ourselves up, and jumping through hoops in order to get on God's good side.
What it does have to do with, is coming to know HIS goodness and PERFECT love for us, regardless of our life's circumstance. It has to do with learning to submit and trust in Him regardless of what His will is for our lives. If our desires aren't lining up with God's will for our lives, then we should pray that HIS desires would become ours, whatever those desires may be.
