Hey Ladies! I've been reading some of the posts here and have found a lot of comments about not responding to short messages. Tell me about the message you would respond to.
I know this is under the 'ask a girl' section, but i thought some of these thoughts might be helpful for both sides anyway.
1) In defense of the 'hey, how are you?' message:
I know you girls hate them, but to us guys, we follow the golden rule by thinking it'd be nice if some one aknowledged we existed and inquired of our well-being and extended the chance for a harmless open ended conversation and chance to get to know you better and maybe hear about some random or cool thing you did that day, which in turn would enable us to tell you something about us. and non-replys to this are kinda maddening cuz it comes off as you ridiculing us for this and then not even lift a finger to try and get to know us. i mean i've had pleanty of times where the girl actually responded to a non-hi-how-are-you message and they turned out to be totally lame. alot of times. so what is the incentive to put in the extra work for that actually? to me cool chicks would be just as likely to respond to 'hi how are you?' and since that is easier why not go with it?
2) No joke though, a way to get replies in seconds if she's on when you are, write backhanded complements like 'nice hair is that it's real color.' 'you look good for your age' or 'is that your good side?'.
3) i think it all has to do with saying the right thing to the right person at the right time + luck. it really is hit or miss, no matter what stretegy you employ. and more often then not it's miss. and if they're not answering back, first check if they're active on here, and second just keep writing til they write back (once every 1-3 days). no sense in being the only one that feels bad simply cuz they don't want to tell you why they don't want you, and unless she really is just an aweful person, the outcome is usually good cuz you either get the truth, closure, or a possible relationship.
OK guys!!! Do you really think it is worth our time to read something that say Hi or how are you? You get that walking the isles of wal-mart! Come on!! lol Tell a girl what you liked about her profile, give her a compliment. Your supposed to know how to sweep a girl off her feet and "hi" is supposed to do that? lolIf you are interested, make it look like you are when you send the message.
Easy killer, we've heard that point of view a million times.
I was just putting something out there that doesn't really get said, but is still valid.
However since you brought it up. If there's a guy you (either yourself personally and/or girls in general) are interested in, do you do anything to let him know you're interested?
If you do, then you know it sucks.
And if you don't, then maybe you should practice what you preach before smacking other people over the head with your expectations.
So I just have to say...I was once one of those girls that thought of "Hey how are you?" messages as the lamest messages ever- in fact I created a whole forum post asking why guys bother to write those. And what I've decided is that it's not the initial message that is so bad- it's when I actually responded to "hey how are you?" and the guy couldn't come up with something interesting to say at that point. These guys here really do get rejected a lot- I know I've done my fair share of rejecting. That's the thing about online dating- we tend to stick to our incredibly high standards a lot more strictly than we might in the real world because online dating makes the dating pool a whole lot larger, and we're not just going to settle for the first person to say hi to us. Also, as Christian girls most of us (though not all) expect guys to be the initiators- and I'm sure most of the guys out there realize this- which is why they send us any kind of message at all- and because they get rejected so much I can understand why most will not put a ton of effort into the first message because it will probably very likely be rejected anyways for any number of reasons (lack of physical attraction, lack of shared interests, a boring profile, distance, etc.). I think Remp25 had a very good point about the initial message being just a way to determine if the girl might be interested in return. Maybe the girls on this site should cut these guys some slack, and if you find after viewing the guy's profile who sent you one of those lame "how are you?" messages that they might potentially be interesting, then just respond- for all you know one of these guys whose message seemed kinda lame might potentially be pretty amazing once you get to know him. Once they see that you may be potentially interested in return they should be willing to show more effort. And if they don't show more effort at that point, then you should give up on them because you gave them a chance and it's up to them to take things to the next level and begin a real conversation.
There is one thing I do have to say to the guys...If you do intend on sending "hey how are you?" as an initial message, you better make sure you have an interesting profile. If you profile has just one picture where you are hardly visible and/or you look incredibly serious/unfriendly, or if all you bothered to write was "I'll fill this out later- message me for info", or if all you do is complain and say what you don't want in your "about me" section, then you might as well forget anyone ever responding to anything short of a truly incredible first message- because profiles like that show a huge lack of effort on your part and they do not give any hope to girls out there that you will ever show any effort with them. And with a "how are you message" your profile is going to be the sole determiner for whether or not that girl you sent a message to will decide to respond.
So...in short- what I want to get across to everyone through this post is the following:
Girls- you need to be a little more lenient on your expectations with the initial message...with the number of rejections these guys get on a daily basis we can't expect them to send an incredible first message to every girl that they might be interested in- after all even with an interesting first message you might likely still reject them...but keep those high standards for any message thereafter! (After all, you gotta weed them out somehow :glow:)
Guys- step it up with the profiles and/or the messages...if you want a girl to respond then you have to be interesting in some way...if both the message and the profile are incredibly boring and lack any kind of substance then you are without hope on this site. If you have an incredibly boring profile then you better send an incredibly amazing first message and vice versa.
I know i'm a little late on this forum haha, havn't had the account for too long and just ran across the trend. I have a few thoughts on the matter.
Ladies I personally have sent longer messages in the past and no response. Guys apparently have to try extremely hard to just get a response out of you and why may I ask? I'm a guy and your a girl shouldn't be difficult to just start up a conversation. I do understand looking at a picture and having a physical attraction and then reading a profile and seeing having things in common, i do get that but what's with the really high expectations from a message? Shall I e-mail and amazing break through in science or a lengthy history of one of your intersts? Apparently we have shown interest if we drop by and say hi and if we don't fit your standards from your view simply send a nice reply saying so rather than just not responding, is it really that hard?
Also we are all Christians here and shouldn't be a normal dating site. Apparently we are all here for one reason and our love for God and to fellowship. So step out of your boxes guys and gals and expand talking to someone maybe you wouldn't normally. I feel my country the United States is getting way to conservative way to quickly. Why I say that is because I'm orginally I was in the armed forces and in my travels to other countries saw it was easier to converse rather than in the U.S. Let's step it up people seriously. Also ladies I am putting this on you to step it up to send a message to a guy once in a while, we live in new times. I find it ridiculous from what i'm reading the past posts. If we all strictly based contacting someone based off a picture and a profile summary there maybe 1 or 2 people you run across that actually meet your criteria. Anyways that is my two cents.
