Pix, thanks for being very open about this. It is really a blessing, at least for me :hearts: but I believe for others who read this as well :applause:
Body parts, I thought that women are proud of it? Otherwise women would not rush on surgeons and ask for then to change them to something bigger lol
ED, did it have anything to do with your relationship with men? Any men, like your dad, family, boyfriends, etc?
LOL, yeah I think most women are proud of their parts. But, I know quite a few who have larger ones who wish they could have smaller ones. A lot of women say that they get back pain from larger ones, though I have not experienced that.
Part of what is frustrating about it is that it's difficult to find an undergarment that fits properly. A lot of the brands that carry my cup size only have them in larger band sizes. I've found a good brand in recent years, but I wore the wrong size for quite some time until I found the brand I wear now. The band size I wear now is the smallest one offered with my cup size with this brand, though, so if I do lose the weight I'm trying to lose then I might have trouble finding one again... Granted my cup size might change too, but I doubt it, because I NEVER seem to lose even an ounce of weight there, throughout all of my weight fluctuations.
It's not to feel a little bit like a freak when you have trouble buying undergarments that fit!
About relationships with men... Well... I've actually never really thought about that. But, yes, I have had experiences with men that have made it difficult to have a positive body image. And I've had several abusive relationships with men, which certainly never helped things. As for my Dad, he wasn't really there all that much because he traveled a lot for the government and worked very long hours. But he would tease me about my developing body and associated weight gain and that definitely made me feel poorly about myself =(
Between my parents making comments... and my autistic brother (who is 2 years older than me) constantly asking what was wrong with my chest and what was growing on it (which my parents found funny, even though it wasn't)... and kids at school saying that I had an "inflatable chest," (since it would sometimes visibly be bigger at school on a Monday than it had been the previous Friday)... It's no wonder that I started hating my developing body and wanting to deprive myself of food in hopes of shrinking things!
One interesting thing is, I once asked two of my boyfriends bout the "size" and you know what they answered? They preferred the not too big ones since if it is "huge", they would consider it as weird. Well it kinda broke my belief that all men like "huge" ones. Have no idea, maybe a matter of preferences..
What do u think the root of ur ED problem? Since every problem has its own root and it must be initiated by a thing.
Another thing is.. Do u realize that it's only two of us left talking about it in this topic lol maybe it's too personal for others haha
I've heard some guys say that they prefer small ones too. I'm trusting that the man I marry won't be one of them, though, because that would be such a waste of what God has given me :goofball:
Yeah, it is just the 2 of us. But, I've gotten around a 1/2 dozen inbox messages from women who've been following the topic and had things to say/ask, so there are others reading it.
RE: The root of my ED
Well, I would say that the root of it was/is not understanding and accepting who I am in Christ and not fully relying on Him. Sure, the things that others said and did hurt and impacted me a whole lot... BUT, we should never let what someone else says or does impact us more than Christ. If someone says something bad to us or does something awful to us, its influence over us should never be greater than the influence of the power of God in our lives. We have a very big problem when we let something that someone says/does to us be more influential in our lives than Christ's work on the cross. There just isn't anything bad or good that can compare to what Christ did. We should be overwhelmed and consumed with Him, not with all the bad stuff.
A misconception that I used to have was that my ED made me more in control of my life and my body. In reality, I was so completely out of control... in the sense that I was letting the hurtful words and actions of others influence my thoughts and actions continually. There's no control in that! Well, not for me anyway! I was basically letting anyone who'd ever said/done something hurtful control me and have sort of say over how I treat myself and live my life. And I never saw any of that when I was in the midst of it, but when I finally started recovering, I saw that and I felt so empowered to be able to finally say that I wasn't letting everyone else dictate my life. It was like I was finally breaking free from stuff that I'd felt in bondage to for a really long time. There really is so much freedom in just learning how to rest in God and not paying attention to those who want to chip away at who we are.
And it's still a journey, obviously, and I still have those really bad days... But, looking back to what my life was like a decade+ ago when I was very deeply involved in my ED, I've come a long way and certainly see myself in a better, more Christ-focused light.
(And all of that seems rather hypocritical to say at the moment because I'm not feeling that at ALL this *wonderful* Tuesday morning. But it is the truth!)
