Okay ladies, this is probably a dumb question to begin with.
I'm just curious, but why does it seem like the nice guys generally finish last?
The only reason I ask is because that is what it feels like most days. Maybe it's because they don't believe I have a backbone, although it seems for the majority that they think there is a hitch....
You know...."Hey you're a really nice guy, but if I met you I'm afraid you'd be completely different."
My recent question I was asked in regards to my divorce. I guess if I'm divorced it means that we both had issues, which negates the fact that I'm a nice guy due to the fact that I am divorced. My ex divorced me because she said she didn't love me anymore, didn't want to try to work it out and in the long run wasn't too happy with my quite controlling father.
I didn't think it was to much to ask for a chance, but it's odd that I seem to get a "there's got to be a hitch somewhere" with the majority of women I speak to.
Yes, I am real. Yes, I would give the coat off my back to someone who was cold, or the food off my plate if someone was hungry. I strive to be like Christ on a daily basis and am happy with the man I am. There is no hidden agenda, just a man who wants to find a woman who shares similar interests and wants to be happy and in love for the rest of their life.
What is the motivation for getting out and getting a job without a family? Wow, that's a good way to make yourself undateable. First of all, most people would want to date someone who had goals and drive FOR THEM, because people don't just instantly change when they get married. You won't become tomorrow what you aren't already becoming today and all that. I hope that regardless of having a family or not someone wants to be able to take care of themselves and not just coast along getting money from their parents.
The guys I am talking about, when I say "play the field," are guys that WON'T DATE. They're not playing the field by dating women to see who they're compatible with (a good idea), they're playing the field by treating all women like girlfriends with little gifts and flirting and arm-touching and yet never being available to "date" because "dating is bad if you don't know the one." Ugh, no. NO. This mentality has got to stop.
I knew my statement would be misinterpreted. I�m not talking about guys who stay at home with mom. There is a difference between making enough money to live on your own and making enough money to support a family.
As far as guys who like the idea of having a girlfriend, but never seriously pursuing marriage, I agree with you that it is wrong. But, if a guy does make it clear that he is not playing the dating game, but is serious about finding a wife, you women run away from him. So, we have to pretend that we don�t actually want to get married and just want to be friends just so that we can get a date with you.
That is the area of frustration that many men have. If you can�t be honest about your intentions up front, how can we know when to start being honest with you without having you run away? The best answer that I have been able to come up with is to simply guess.
This is why some of us �play at the game�, because we don�t know how to be honest and keep you from running away at the same time. We are "testing the waters" to see how honest we can be with you.
Wow lol! A lot of views and a lot of good points. My two cents?
When I was growing up I decided I wanted to hang out with the guys in my church. I knew how women thought but I like figuring people out and I wanted to get inside their heads. So I have seen both sides of the same coin. These were godly boys growing up to be men and it was interesting to note that as they got older their perception of what they wanted changed.They went from guys who played video games, no care in the world and dating girls, to men playing video games, with many a care and being selective in who they dated. Men want the same thing women do ultimately, whether we both realize it now or later. There are many different types of men and women. There are men who are immature, just like women can be. There are men that just want to live off of someone, there are women like this too. There are men who are steadfast and goal oriented, there are women like this too. It can get frustrating when trying to meet someone male or female and they may not have arrived at the same place you have mentally or otherwise. You can become jaded and just want to give up, but sometimes I wonder if we get mad when we meet someone we're really interested in and they don't match up to our "list" of what we think that person should be and we become so annoyed because they SHOULD want the same things too. Men and women will always be different and I'll reiterate some people arrive at different points of maturity at different times.
For me I want a nice guy, a nice guy for me has the following traits:
A Christian, he has respect for himself and the opposite sex, puts God first and seeks his next step from Him. He has manners, he's a gentleman ( I am not offended by a man who is a gentleman I crave it because it seems to be a dying art).
He cares about people and demonstrates it. I find these things synonymous with strength and strong character, a man like this is not a wimp to me but a real man.
To address some other comments I have read and I may lose my "women's membership card" for this lol but i wonder if we meet a man who has a job is steadfast and goal oriented and he's everything women may deem as worthy. And then they get together and in one fell swoop it gets taken away, he may have to move back in with his mother, does that take away from his manhood or his appeal? Don't get me wrong but I'm not saying that ppl on here are being conceited but let's be realistic. Or if the same thing happened and you had met him after this happened would we pass him by? I mean look at the economy it's horrible and people are being laid off. There are men and women taking this lying down and won't try to do anything about it but there are men and women who try hard but things just aren't going their way, are they weak? I think we want people to see us in a positive light but we should also do unto others as we'd have then do unto us right? Sometimes I think we need to burn our "lists" I'm not saying let go of your morals or convictions but we live in an imperfect world why are we trying to find perfect people. Who knows maybe the one guy or girl we may be overlooking because we're painting them all with the same brush may be the person for us, maybe in a relationship I may have what you need and you my have what I need, if we both had the same of everything why would I want to be with you lol. Just some food for thought.
Where you've gone wrong is that you assume women want "nice". Niceness is not something that women are concerned about. So attempting to be nice will ultimately fail.
You just know when they say they want someone 'nice', it is the opposite. No offense, but in all the cases that I've seen in 3 years in my age group, girls that say they want nice guys end up being with a complete jerkface. This may be different for another age gap, but this is generally the case and I'm sorry to say that nice guys in my age gap always come last... always. It doesn't matter if you're a Christian or not, it's somehow perceived that macho manly men who don't take no faeces is the way to go. And ladies, you are reinforcing that secular attitude. I know a girl who dated a complete jerkface and all he wanted was sex, but she wouldn't give him an inch, he later ended it and broke her heart. Her mother and I did our best to comfort her and it took a long time before she got over that jerkface. So what's this jerkface doing now? He's looking for other girls that is able to give him the physical desires that he's after, and it's all evident on his Facebook page as he is advancing on other girls. Next time I see him, I'm gonna give him the meaning of what living in North Korea is all about and break his legs before squeezing his man peaches.
