Author	Thread: Talking With Someone's Ex?
Admin	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 07:21 AM So ladies, I have a question What do you think when a potential date/mate says something like this, "my former wife really was verbally abusive and even hit me. My wife was unfaithful and cold". Do you automatically believe it? Or do you question what actually took place in that marriage? It seems pretty extreme to me that a woman could be driven to actually "hit a man". Doesn't it? When you hear something like this, do you question it? Do you ask yourself what pushed a woman to this point? What kind of hell was this woman enduring that caused her to respond in these kind of ways? Do you think it's a good idea to talk with somebody's ex before you consider marrying them? Would you like to have that as an option? It would be nice to hear from another woman what it was like to be married to that man, wouldn't it? Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 12:38 PM Yes, and the same could be said about men who abuse woman couldnt it? and a wife saying how her husband was abusive....... My point exactly................ Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 12:44 PM And actually if you have read my story many pages back in the dating story forum you will read my own confessions. For it is proclaimed by the Word of God that ( IF) we confess our sins.....God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. RIGHT? Confession is the fruit of repentence. If you knew my bride and I we both have confessed all our secrets to eachother. The thing is this in relationship and the true evidence of repentence and a changed life is confession and the fruit of a repented life by a changed life is it not? How about you IWA? ever repented of anything? Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 12:51 PM And OH by the way 10 years latter and my ex has gone through another divorce unrelated to me and lives with a guy unrelated to me. She still has the same attitudes but now she directs them at her own daughter and I have no interaction with my ex to influence her in any way. Why because of the lack of repentence in her life because even though she claimed to be a christian the evidence shows the God is not Lord over her life ,she is. She continues to live out a dissobedient life and rebell against God. Like most divorced so called christian's. Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 01:00 PM Let's try to keep this thread on topic LTM. It's not about your personal story and it's not about whether or not I repent. It's about "Do you think it's a good idea to talk with somebody's ex before you consider marrying them? " I personally have asked a couple of ladies if I could speak to their ex's. I just didn't believe the lopsided stories that they were telling me about their marriages. There are always two sides in a relationship, aren't there? Someone may say, "She hit me" but then I would ask "why did she do that?" If the answer is, "I don't know..she just had a bad temper...etc." I probably would not believe the story. Violence is never permissible. However, what leads to the violence is VERY important. The bottom line is that we should never be afraid to ask lots of questions. Gather the facts. And when we feel an uneasiness in our spirit about a person, we should not overlook that. Often times, our parents, family, and close friends can see things that we don't see. God will often use those people to warn us of our impending mistakes. Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 01:03 PM Again, LTM -- this isn't about you. It really isn't honorable to spew your ex-wife's personal business all over a public website. Especially, since everyone here knows who you are. It pretty much falls under the heading of "gossip" among other things. Just an observation. Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 02:38 PM I foresee that asking to speak to someone's ex to get their side of the story, although a perfectly logical thing to do when allegations and accusations have been made, is never likely to go down well with them because it implies a lack of trust in their word. Now that lack of trust may be misplaced or justified, and it's reasonable to have some doubts whilst getting to know each other, but she's still going to hate you for it! And of course, if the ex is bitter about breaking up, can you trust them to tell you the truth without exaggeration either? FWIW, women assaulting men - usually their husbands - is far from uncommon, however as they don't usually cause serious injury (they're generally weaker and mens bodies are tougher) it very rarely gets reported. Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 02:45 PM DKJ, It's interesting to ponder the idea. If one seeks employment, they are definitely asked for references from past employers even if some of their prior positions might have ended unfavorably. Marriage is at least as important as a job. Is it not? Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 02:52 PM To add another wrinkle, it is often the case that a divorced person will have children from the marriage. This means that some interaction with their ex is likely going to be inevitable anyway whether it comes prior to the marriage or after. If I am going to be fathering somebody else's children, I would like to talk about that with the dad first, if possible. Post Reply
teach_ib View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 03:30 PM I believ if you don't have enough trust in the person you're dating to believe what they say, you'd probably best move along. Yes, there's three sides to every story, hers, his, and the middle ground. We all see/report our side of the story. Even at a crime scene, the police get as many stories as there are witnesses. And it is about all of our stories on here. That's what these forums are about, telling our experience and provide our advice for those to consider. I can say I was upset when my spouse went to speak with a previous pastor to get gossip on me, because that is the only thing he could have gotten from about me, well after we were married and I had been gone from that church for almost 2 years. There is much more to the story, but it is an example of violating a trust between two individuals. The better question would be is what did you learn from that experience and how have you grown. Post Reply
View Profile History	Talking With Someone's Ex? Posted : 6 Oct, 2013 03:49 PM "I can say I was upset when my spouse went to speak with a previous pastor to get gossip on me, because that is the only thing he could have gotten from about me, well after we were married and I had been gone from that church for almost 2 years. There is much more to the story, but it is an example of violating a trust between two individuals." One could also argue that your ex-spouse should definitely be able to go to a pastor for counsel. Especially, if he is having a difficult time reconciling things about you/ your relationship and wants to get some perspective from another man of God. This really should not violate trust, should it? If we as people were held more accountable for the bridges that we burn (past relationships, past churches, past jobs, etc.), we would all be more cautious of our actions along the way. Would we not? Post Reply

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