I have medical problems that cause extreme anxiety. I look unhappy and uncomfortable. I thought that might be the reason women avoid me, but I'm thinking that they can instinctually pick up on mentally illness and avoid men with it. The real problem that bugs me is I never know why I am rejected. I am good looking. Nice. I am to the point where I nearly do not care. Which is good.
I have seizures.My meds control it.It is hard to deal with but patience will bring the right person.Women reading this will know if I have a seizure at work I am fired.That makes me a fiancial risk.The wife has to have a good job to cover me.So,how many
women would date some one like me.I have been married and the wife left me because of this problem.The meds cause shot term memory problems,such as adding and subtracting.Recording checks in my check book.I need some one who will always check me.I did not have that in my X.My error,I leared from it.:dancingp:
DISCLAIMER: These are a few (admittedly disparate) thoughts I've got. It's long and, yes, a bit of a rant. All the same, I hope it gets my point across.
I'll be the first to admit it has effects, but near the last to say what they are. :glow:
I've never known the other side of the issue--either in terms of dating someone who is disabled or what it is like to date when you, yourself are NOT disabled.
There are accompanying challenges like the example you mentioned, and they might be logistical, interpersonal, etc. It varies widely from disability to disability and from person to person. At this point I don't see the nature of these to be important as I think difficulties there are symptomatic of something deeper. And from a broader perspective, these sorts of things, I think, are present in all relationships in a different sort of way. After all, the person and the circumstances are never ideal. The unconditional support you get despite the good and bad that comes along is part of what makes a true love so wonderful. The right person, when you find them, will do that.
In the meantime, I think the greatest challenges come in the form of perceptions: how you view yourself, how others see you, and how you *think* others see you. It begins with you. I've been legally blind my whole life, and I don't doubt the situation can be harder if a disability comes later in life. But regardless, we all have to spend some time adapting, coping, coming to terms with things as life situations change, accepting who we are, becoming content with who we are, learning to be bold in showing that to others despite the circumstances, our own reservations, or what they may think. With a little honesty, my guess is that this will be a familiar experience to people, disabled or not. Are you seeing a trend, yet?
That really just leaves one thing: how others see you. This part is maybe the worst because, to a large extent, it's out of your control. In fact, it's when you try and give it control that problems arise. In some cases, not all, there are clues to a disability, but at some point what you are dealing with is the realization and all that it implies. That's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Re-read the first part of this. When you reframe this issue and take it away from the effects of the particular disability, there is no difference in the challenges and goals and dreams we've got. Whether your on the 'inside' or the 'outside' its easy to lose that for the surface details and to forget that there are really no 'sides' at all.
To the OP, my apologies if this is a rehash of what you already know. I guess I would say keep putting the real YOU out there. Consider your disability as a strength--something that has made you who you are and that allows you to bring a new perspective and outlook to the mix. There may be some who don't feel that the particular situation would be right for them. That's OK. Move on and find the one for whom it is and whose strengths and weaknesses are a perfect complement to your own.
...And for the record. I don't have all the answers much less all the right ones. I am definitely interested in what others think and how others feel regarding such a situation. Please, do share!
as with asp, there are meds that can help with anxiety and unhappiness and also theres counciling to help with one feeling better about themselves..
i have a patched together heart and two bum knees now and lots of aches and pains hehe but i dont like to tell folks i am disabled.. but in reality i am.. but thats not how i view me. i view me as able ,yet as one who just cant do all the things i want to or used to do anymore.. hehe its all in your perception of yourself.. if you tell yourself youre disabled then thats when i think you allow youself to become that..
I sometimes get social anxiety, short of breathe when I'm talking to new people, draw a blank mind, etc.
That and I don't always smile, I did when i was younger, but now, even though I'm happy, and over all quite content, I just don't smile, except for when I'm working at the nursing home.
Needless to say, I don't think I look like the elephant man or anything, but a lot of American girls seem to expect you to be smiley, energetic, entertaining, and spontaneous, where as I'm probably more like living with Spock, with the occasional spontaneous action, or goofy mood.
Of course I take a while to get to know too, but I'm also of the mind that if you don't have the patience to get to know me, you won't have the patience to stay with me for the long haul.
I just looked at your profile and I don't see any information about you, all you say is "tell you later" and no picture, why is that?
There is nothing wrong with having a disability, I've talked to few men on this site that have disability and it doesn't bother me unless they are ashamed and lie about it, I'd rather know the truth and focus on getting to know the person.
So.... if you'd like to meet women online, I would suggest that you write up a profile and post your picture, start chatting like the rest of us, don't put yourself down and keep away from women who stop communicating with you once they find out about your disability.
By the way has your doctor advised you that your have a disability? or is this just a condition that can be resolved by counseling? I mean panic attacks and anxiety is something most people experience due to their past, or they have a fear of some sort such as public speaking.
Whatever the reason may be, cast your fears upon the Lord and pray for Him to guide you and help you get to the bottom of why this is happening to you.
