That WAS unorthodox. My suggestions: the text was good, but you lost me at the end by not bringing it back to yourself and out of the story. My opinion is you should revert back to "normal" speaking in the last paragraph.
You need to add pictures, but you probably already knew that. Inside, outside, full body, doing things you like. I like the two you have.
You also had some phrasing at the end that sounded more like a craigslist ad rather than a profile on a Christian web site ("don't waste my time") Say it in love, brother. What about "we would not be a good match" instead?
Your profile is decent. This is likely to sound overly critical, but the first thing I noticed is that your headline seems, um... rather like something a braggart would say... or maybe just someone who is trying a little too hard... The next thing I noticed is that your grammar is inconsistent with your content. Your grammar is far from being awful or anything. However, the intellectual vibe that I get from your profile initially deescalates into something less-than-that due to run-on sentences, misplaced commas, etc. Normally, I would not even point out this sort of thing to someone, as the grammar is in keeping w/ the content usually... But, since you asked for a critique... Honestly, this inconsistency makes it sound really textbook, like something you pulled off a site on how to write creative personal ads. Again, it sounds like you're trying too hard perhaps... like your writing is kinda forced.
The "do not waste his time" bit is a turn-off (well, for me anyway). But, if that truly represents your thoughts, then you should leave it in there. After all, it's frustrating for a girl to become involved with someone and then have him bolt after discovering that she has "drama." It's best to be upfront about that.
Your profile is creative and interesting, though. It seems like the sort of profile that would that catch a girl's attention. Actually, I clicked on it before I saw this topic and read through it, even though I'm unavailable and you're too young :goofball:
