It's not just repentance, it's forgiving, too. And we can forgive, before someone repents.
If we adhered to:
Ephesians 4:26 Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
We'd take care of issues before they got out of hand. Unfortunately, we aren't perfected yet and one spouse can close the door on the other.
It doesn't mean that spouse didn't repent of anything they've done wrong in the marriage or didn't try everything to reconcile...sometimes the other spouse shuts out any possibility for reconciliation.
I can say I'm sorry to someone a million times and do my best to not say/do whatever again...and if that person doesn't forgive, there's nothing I can do.
First i am speaking generally. I hear a lot about abusive husbands. Were they abusive when the young lady married him?
I think husbands become abusive for various reasons.
Men are very insecure people and I know the tougher the man tries to be the more sensitive he is to rejection, not always.
Men have difficulty processing emotion except for anger. Men feel anger is a acceptible emotion. Anger hides the root problem of insecurity.
Most of the husbands are in trouble and need the help of their wives but women dont know how to help their husbands.
The frustration levels build up and then their is divorce. We need to re-learn our roles as men and women.
I used to be a angry man but when I learned what true strength is then my anger began to leave.
A soft answer turns away wrath.
Hatred stirs up strife,But love covers all sins.
Men can be out right agressive but women have this passive agressive quality to them.
I never disscount that a woman who seems to be abused by her out right mean husband in her small quite way is not doing the same to him in return.
If any women here reading this having abusive husbands, I would really encourage you to chech your heart and see if you need to repent also for being passivly aggressive toward your husband.
I bet you will find that both of you need to repent.
I would count my life on that both of you need to repent.
Aggressiveness in its ugly explosive state and in it hidden quite state is no different. It is rejection and controll. It is manipulation. It is self righteousness.
�Part of the reason we don't recognize someone is repenting/seeking forgiveness of their wrong doings is because we are too bitter and unforgiving...as my Sunday School teacher says...we have 'righteous indignation'...anger over whatever.
So if someone comes to apologize and we don't accept the apology, then the sin is on us...if we don't forgive, we are not following Jesus's direction to forgive.
From your generality, I see a deflection of the responsibility for the anger, abuse, neglect. �If only she/he would or would not do this I wouldn't get angry and do/say this to her/him.
I am responsible/accountable for my actions or inaction/what I say or do not say and my attitude whether I'm being treated the way I think I should or not.
Ephesians 4:26�Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:
I stand by my statement that forgiveness must come, too. �We must be willing to forgive, no matter how large or frequency of the offense.
That's how to keep a marriage or relationship healthy. �However, it takes both people to make a relationship and both being willing to do their part in keeping it healthy.�
I understand your point of view and it is completly valid.
The why....... Is what I am trying to communicate. When a husband hits his wife......Why did he do this? ........Did she do something or say something that brought out the worst in him?
It goes both ways. A husband can bring out the worst in his wife and she become verbally abusive or controlling or disrespectful.
When we learn the why then we can beging to develop harmony once again.
Believe me it really works. But it takes a lot of energy.
You see when we are first married and dating we always seek to bring out the best in eachother and it feel so natural to do so.
But when the cares of life come in and we daily have those little foxs of bitterness over something they add up and abuse develops.
I know some people will never be able to have a healthy relationship because it takes exposure and honesty to do so. It is risky to put ones self out there and allow another to see the ugliness of our hearts that we can truly be forgiven, TOTALLY 100%
You see I dont place blame or have anger toward my previous wife because I reconise we are both guilty. The difference between us is that I have been on a journey of repentence and she has not.
This is the only thing that divides. Repentence and lack of repentence.
God will tell you what you need to repent of through His Spirit. I am only a mouth piece with His message to the church.
A message of understanding and unity. Through repentence.
"Christian" Men should treat a wife like Christ treated the Church and their would be no divorce in the Church. God is head, Man is head of his Wife. Esphesians 5 chapter talks about how a Man should treat his wife, if that man is a "Christian". Men are not Heads, many think they are.:laugh:
You are providing a fine example of just what brother LTM is trying to communicate. You are a woman -take responsibility for yourself and for the woman's role in a marriage. No need to go around blasting men for what you think they should and should not be doing. This isn't the first thread where you have done that.
There is way too much generalization going on in these threads. Men should... women should..... the church should.... etc.
Not everyone is at fault. There are still many who are not divorced. If you are divorced, you are NOT an expert on making a marriage work, contrary to your opinion. We don't need to hear about what you think you learned. Not until you have proven yourself in the context of a new healthy marriage. Those who have been and stay married for years are the experts.
LTM wrote: "God will tell you what you need to repent of through His Spirit. I am only a mouth piece with His message to the church."
Since I have already repented to God and sought forgiveness from my ex when I did not act in a Christian way, I have nothing more to repent of in the marriage. I cannot account for him or his actions.
Divorce protected me from the repercussions of his actions and threats.
I can see by his actions that he has not changed and is not likely to change as other ministers have minimized his actions and allowed him to continue...even promoted him in the church...knowing of his sins. Hence, I am not associated with that group anymore.
I am sure there are many other women and men in similar situations...
We all can and should learn from any mistakes we make. Someone who has gone through a bad marriage can learn what did not work, do more studying, receive counseling etc to learn how to have a healthy marriage by ensuring the future spouse is who God wants them to marry.
Someone who has never been married may have gone through classes/counseling to gain insight into,what it will take to make a marriage work...that's the best option.
Just because a couple has been married for 50 years, it does not make them an expert on a healthy marriage.
A healthy marriage takes two dedicated to treating each other with love and respect...from the beginning (before the marriage starts) and throughout.
If more preachers and teachers would go through all the directions to husbands and wives as well as how to have positive relationships (being at peace...as much as is possible), more marriages would be saved.
Too often the focus is one sided...which keeps the marriage off balanced.
We all can think we are doing what the bible teaches how to treat oneanother.
What I am talking about is our ( triggers) our ( buttons) what causes us to shut down or causes us to explode.
We are all guilty because we all have done something said something that triggered a negitive response in our spouse.
Some of us more than others. I personally have felt dismissed by some of the posters here and I am sure some posters here have felt certain things about me.
These things that cause us to feel rejected , feel hurt, feel dismissed.
Even when we have good intentions. We can say well its my spouse's problem they are to sensitive.
Wrong it is your problem because you were joinded as one whith this individual. You made a vow to love honor and cherish them until death. They are still your brother or sister in Christ are they not?
Reconcilliation mght not lead to marriage but we are called to reconcile none the less.
If we are have the mind of God and we are. God sent His Son to reconcile us to Himself and we are to follow His exapmle.
