Author	Thread: distance
osol_letse View Profile History	distance Posted : 28 Feb, 2016 07:39 PM I cant help to wonder why most men here are easily ward off when they met women they like from other countries. Its keeps me thinking of two things. Is it lack of faith or merely just not wanting to be out of the comfort zones. Just askin Post Reply
View Profile History	distance Posted : 29 Feb, 2016 03:03 AM Both Post Reply
PaulPablo View Profile History	distance Posted : 1 Mar, 2016 08:17 PM Some of us think you only want us for money, Americans are rich compared to other places. Now, when you talk about faith, many of us don't really know the Lord, or don't know Him as a reality, and that He may actually have a wife for us from other countries. Post Reply
osol_letse View Profile History	distance Posted : 3 Mar, 2016 01:28 AM oh thanx for airing what you think paulpablo. Yeah i know what other american feel and think about us women, esp filipino women. but i do post here for christian man..men who are calling themselves christians..isnt it finding a wife a good thing..? and twud require much faith to go and take a risk... Post Reply
View Profile History	distance Posted : 3 Mar, 2016 09:35 AM I agree that Americans do often have more resources than those in many other countries, but dating overseas has a flaw that goes far beyond money. It removes the physical aspect of the relationship. I'm not necessarily talking about holding hands, etc., although that's part of it too. I'm talking about the chemistry that can only be determined by face-to-face communication and interaction. I'll give you an example from my own experience. I've communicated with a number of people over texting and phone calls and we seemed to hit it off perfectly, but when we met, something didn't feel right for one or both of us and we ended up going our separate ways. Dating overseas is a long way to have to go and a lot of money to invest in a date just to find out you don't have good chemistry when there are so many possibilities practically in your back yard. Whether we're talking about Christians or not, it's hard to sort through all the bad matches to find one good match just when we're looking no farther than our home cities for matches. I for one, simply like to have the ability to meet face-to-face, and the greater the distance you have to travel for a date, the harder it becomes. For example, I struggle a bit if I have to drive for more than an hour to meet someone. I can't speak for anyone else on here, but it's hard for me to have romantic feelings for a smattering of pictures and a few words on a screen. Video chatting helps, but, say you want to give the other person a hug to cheer them up after they've had a tough day... oops, computer screen... You're right, it takes a great deal of faith to look overseas for that right match; perhaps more than many of us have if we've already had bad luck in dating. PaulPablo's thoughts about wanting an American for his/her money can also be true. Most of us in the US have heard the horror stories of schemes that have been played by people in many different countries. Unfortunately bad news circulates a lot faster than good news (maybe that's why the Gospel has a hard time circulating sometimes?), so a story about how someone got scammed will make the rounds like wildfire while a success story gets lost in the shuffle and many probably figure it's not worth the risk. I'm sure we could probably be here until the second coming discussing the different reasons people have for not dating outside their own country, but that's what I have for reasons why men might be more cautious when it comes to dating outside their country and I hope it helps. Post Reply
osol_letse View Profile History	distance Posted : 8 Mar, 2016 11:25 PM hi covenantbrother, i got your reasons brother. and i not deny the fact that there have been downsides to distant online dating. true they are real indeed. there's nothing wrong to be cautious either. i call it practicality and jz being wise with one's choice or action. But are not those who tried the risky ones are to be commended the most because of their great faith and going out of their comfort zones? Those who tried and fail are just minorities of those who succeeded i think..im not really sure of the stats here..but i want to think of the positive more than the negative here..as Christians..aren't we supposed to? Post Reply
View Profile History	distance Posted : 9 Mar, 2016 06:19 PM I checked the box that says I do not wish to be contacted by women from overseas. I want to meet women I can see in person and talk to on some more or less frequent basis. If there were a box to check that says I only want to hear from women in my geographical area within the States, either my state or a nearby one, then I would check that too. All this has little to do with faith or comfort zones or being risk averse. It has more to do with meeting woman nearby me that I can take out on weekends. Then there are cultural differences, little misunderstandings that can become big ones when two people grew up in different cultures and speaking different languages. Well, that's my take on it. I hope you will see this as frankness and an attempt to address the question, rather than any sort of dis toward women who are from elsewhere. In fact, men find something wonderfully exotic and exciting about women from ethnicities other than their own. Maybe there are a few men who are exceptions but they probably have other things wrong with them too. Post Reply
View Profile History	distance Posted : 10 Mar, 2016 12:54 PM It's kind of hard to really get to the heart of these questions and find a satisfying answer. Yes, we are supposed to focus on the positive, but the negative things can still have an unseen influence on behavior. I agree with Anglicostal in many ways. The cultural compatibility concerns are very real and have been raised both by men considering dating outside their culture and women who consider dating outside theirs and some cannot overcome those differences, while others may thrive on them. Everyone's different, and we all have a difference in the distance we can cover to find God's match for us. On the subject of leaving comfort zones, there's another consideration that I hadn't really thought about much before now. I'm not sure how much if anything that this contributes to the behaviors you've seen or heard about, but this issue may go beyond individual comfort zones and simple differences in customs and language and touch on a darker cultural comfort zone. At least in the past, there has sometimes been a stigma involved in dating overseas. In the United States, a man who brought a woman to the US in order to marry her has sometimes been said to have a "mail order bride." It's a rather unflattering term and it may be part of the reason for the lack of interest or tendency to lose contact with guys from the US. That isn't to say that those people who come here to get married to a US citizen aren't welcome here. It just means that the stigma might still be alive somehow and scare off some men. I can only speculate about the source of the term and why my culture might frown on overseas relationships, but I suspect that it comes from a belief that a man searching overseas for a wife is acting out of desperation. Marrying someone they've never met from a different culture (or someone they've only met once or twice if he's had the opportunity to visit her) may be seen as a last resort when more domestic options have been exhausted (much the same way online dating has been viewed negatively when it first began). I'm not sure if it represents a lack of options and desperation in a nation that so highly values the right to choose a spouse based entirely on true love, or if it is because the US has gone through phases where it has viewed immigration negatively and this is something that's a leftover from isolationist sentiments. I could be way off the mark with all of that too. It's merely a speculation on my part. I think anyone who manages to find that one special person God has prepared for them out of 7-something billion people on the planet is to be commended and considered blessed, and I would agree that searching outside their own country is, to say the least, especially unique and adventurous. I know someone who found his wife overseas and I think they started out as pen pals before the internet made it so much easier to get to know people from all over the world. Therefore I'd have to say, "never say never" when it comes to finding one's spouse overseas, but those who are actually looking overseas for the love of their lives are fairly few and far between. That being said, those who have overcome whatever social stigmas and comfort zones may be attached to overseas dating and have found true love are a living testament to how God can bring people together regardless of distance and they should definitely be commended. Post Reply
osol_letse View Profile History	distance Posted : 13 Mar, 2016 01:29 AM Taking a bride from faraway lands, is like the story of Isaac and Rebekkah, with lots of prayer and great exercise of faith on both parties. Their love story is an epic..like it..and so people like them are really commendable.. Post Reply
osol_letse View Profile History	distance Posted : 30 May, 2016 10:24 PM i would love and appreciate a guy who does exercise much faith on this..and hoping there might be one...its good to be thinking positive thoughts tho... Post Reply
30andVirgin View Profile History	distance Posted : 18 Sep, 2016 02:04 PM Funny you mention that, Osol... I stand on that other side of the line, and can't escape the feeling, that it's actually women who tend to stick to their hometowns, states or countries. I noticed many profiles I visit actually forbid contacting people from other countries. Maybe it's fear, maybe something else. I have nothing against LDR's as I myself have been to a few. And I was always supportive, willing to do all I can to make it easier to handle to my lady. I never cheated on any of women I dated, yet they all eventually left me one way or the other (various reasons). I am no rich in the terms of money, but I am rich in a different manner. I am talking about my feelings, my love I am willing to share with my partner, and do all I can to make her happy. CovenantBrother is right - LDR strips the relationship from the physical aspect of being with someone. It only allows for short periods of time, if any at all, to be close to one another, and actually get to know your partner from the physical side. Actual face to face contact is a MUST in any relationship. And yes. videocall, or a text message sometimes won't do. Sometimes you want/need to hug the other person, wipe her tears, make her smile again, but all you can do, is to watch her crying her eyes out, and beating yourself up for not being right there with her. Anglicostal has a good point here too - difference in the culture,faith/believes, language barrier - they can be real issue here. But there is quite simple solution to that one - look for someone who does not carry such problems with them. I would say meeting ANYONE, not only someone from far away, is already stepping out of one's comfort zone. The question is, how far are you willing to go? Do you want someone who lives in your city? state? Country? same continent? or maybe you are brave enough to date someone from across the world? All is up to you. And I believe God allows us to look for ourselves. To find our match wherever it may be hiding. Sitting still, and believing that one day our bride/groom will magically show up at our doorsteps is a foolish thing to do. That way, we cut ourselves from the happiness. And what's worse, we blame God for that. Post Reply

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