I grew up my entire life knowing Jesus, I'm active in my local church and have always been serious about my faith. I met a Christian man, (youth pastor/worship leader) and was absolutely sure God was leading us to get married.
He was actively pursuing me, asked me to start planning our wedding last summer, the whole 9 yards. At that point I think I let him kiss me. About a month before he'd wanted to get married he started pressuring me into something more physical. I ended up caving in, ... I know I sinned, I have no intention of repeating that mistake again. He backed out of the relationship suddenly, and now I'm a single mom. Something I'd never even considered would happen in my life.
I had over 9 months to heal, to be alone, to forgive myself, and seek counsel from my church and parents. I stepped down from my leadership position, but those around me supported me and have walked with me.
I would like to get back into dating. Do guys see this as inappropriate when my son is only a few months old? Deep down do you think my child should be older because 'baby' sounds scary?
I'm not about going out there just looking for a Daddy figure...but realistically I'd rather begin dating now than later when he's more aware. I know what's best for us IS a man, and for my son, a stable family and father.
I know you are looking for a guy to answer, but I just wanted to say how courageous you are in putting your testimony out here, not know how people would respond and if they would judge.
Your testimony is awesome and a perfect example of redemption and God's love for us.
I have a friend who dated a guy while she was pregnant (not the father), got married when her baby was 3 months old and her baby calls her husband daddy. The father wanted nothing to do with her.
Babygirl, in my opinion, you can date whenever you want to. There is a real man of God out here who will love you and your baby as if it was his own. I touch and agree with you on that. :rocknroll:
Thank you, that's such a comfort. I felt 'ready' to date when I was pregnant but didn't want to go through something so vulnerable at the same time unless I KNEW he was the right guy and there from God. Thank you for the encouragement!
Well my opinion would be that you are in a rush. babygirl gives an example where it worked, but I bet if looking at percentages, that was one in 100.
I think it screams of desperation when someone is such in a rush to go back into the dating world, when there child is so young, or not even born. The pregnant woman profiles I have come across on dating sites makes me shake my head.
I have chatted with some women before on here that had young children, and they were nothing but a headache. Was it a coincidence or maybe not, I don't know. But it makes me leery of the single mom phenomena.
Her status as a mom has nothing to do with her dating or not. Mary was betrothed to Joseph while she was pregnant with Jesus.
Who has the right to say when she or anyone can start to date? When would you give her your permission? When the baby is 5? 10? When would it become appropriate in your eyes?
I have 3 children(2 pre-teen, one teen) from my marriage to my ex and I have met and dated men who gladly would have accepted my children as their own.
Her situation does not scream desperation except to those who don't want to date or marry someone who has children from a past relationship. That is certainly your right. But I don't believe you are in the majority.
What kind of time line would you feel is appropriate. I mean, in any other scenario I've been almost a year out of a relationship. If I were say divorced would you say longer than a year..?
If I had merely sinned and not gotten pregnant, would a year be long enough?
In most dating relationships I would say a year relying on God is more than appropriate for moving on. If my child had never happened, and I had said it's been a year since I dated...should I start? Most people would say 'Get out there!'
I know you are looking for people's feedback and you can expect many different responses. Their are many I'm sure that have an opinion as evidenced in the fact that people are viewing but are not posting for whatever reason.
Exist, you have to know that you are forgiven and you don't live your life based on any mistakes you've made. The Word says, 'Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.'
In the end, after everyone, has said their piece, YOU have to know that we all have fallen short and your sin is no bigger than the sins committed by me, Loonyk and everybody else.
You are free. There is now no condemnation. It is forgotten, except for your precious little one! Move forward, having gleaned wisdom and experience. :rocknroll:
Thank 1Baby. When I met with some of the elders at my church they said the same thing. I chose to have sex before marriage, but a baby is a blessing. I think I actually laughed at one of them for bringing up dating. At the time I didn't feel it was an option and I'd be a single mom for the rest of my life.
Going through this has opened my eyes to my own stigma's about single mom's. I've been able to walk with other women who have heartbreaking stories. Husband's who left because they got pregnant. I can't imagine.
I feel my greatest sin before was pride that I was a virgin till I was 26. It became my identity. I was willing to date men who had stumbled or even had children, but I still felt a sense of 'accomplishment' when in reality it is only by the grace of God I had strength!
I don't feel like I need to find a man right away, I am content with this miraculous gift. However I want to hear what other brother's in Christ would have to say. It's such a tragic statistic but 40% of pregnancies are unplanned! Men must have something to say about this.
The reason I believe I must be open to being dating, is that God ordained family. He has set men as the head of a household. To go through life on my own raising my son, knowing God's perfect design, seems like folly to me. I can't do it on my own. I don't believe God wants broken families, I believe he wants redemption.
I know you are looking for a man's feedback..... but around here we just jump in when we want (right BG?)
When you are ready to date.... is up to you. There is no "right" or "wrong" time. I, too, know women who dated when they had babies and ended up marrying.
Pray, seek God, ask for discernment. Go slow and have support around you to help you make the right choices. God bless you and your baby!
