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Author Thread: For Young Adults
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For Young Adults
Posted : 22 May, 2009 07:21 AM

God has recently put things in perspective for me on the term "dating". I came across a really great book that encourages us as Christians to look past the "dating" scene since it tends to set up a guy and girl in a romantic situation, putting the physical part of a relationship as more of the focus, which is never a good idea.

Joshua Harris, the author of this book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye", encourages us (as God's Word does) to put God first and have fellowship with other believers, including the opposite sex...(even though staying friends can be hard). Joshua isn't saying that dating is "bad" and that Christians can't have self-control (but to be honest, he is right when he says it's better to not put ourselves in tempting situations as dating tends to do).



We should look for someone who has the goal in mind to seek God's will and to glorify Him. We should each want to grow in our relationship with Christ first, and all the rest will fall into place. However, Joshua isn't saying that we should only be friends for the rest of our lives... He's just saying, until you can get to know someone it's better to put the physical/ romantic intimacy last. It can help prevent the broken hearts and regret. After all, God created a wonderful intimacy that he intended to be experienced through marriage... And even if a "dating relationship" wasn't carried as far as sex, any kind of physical intimacy (such as holding hands or even a peck on the cheek) can stir up emotions that are precious and should be reserved for the one who you intend to spend the rest of your life with. We shouldn't be afraid of commitment, nor should we take things too fast even if we think we've found that special someone. But as long as we both seek God's will and can be content for a while with having fellowship together and with other believers and being friends, then the rest will fall into place.



I really enjoyed reading this book. As a Christian wanting to grow in my relationship with the Lord, this book offered so many great advice and it not only helped me in understanding the type of relationships God wants me to have, it also urged me to take those steps toward purity and a life pleasing to God. He knows what is best and has big plans for each of our lives. We should take things slow and trust Him.



What are your thoughts on this?

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For Young Adults
Posted : 22 May, 2009 11:09 AM

Harris' thoughts are great for teenagers and early 20s-aged people, but when you've graduated from school and are no longer able to have many casual female friendships, the expectation for courting is rather unattainable.



I didn't look at your profile to find your age, but I urge you not to just read one book on the topic and make your decision based on that.



"Boundaries in Dating" and "How to find a date worth keeping" by Dr. Henry Cloud are fantastic Christian books that give a great counter-argument for dating.



Let me give my example. While I was away at college, my parents moved to a new area. As a result, since I didn't find a job in my field like...oh...80% of college grads out of college, I've had to start over--virtually from scratch.



I forced myself to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people, and find a new church. I've met a wealth of single christian ladies in the same situation as me, the problem is, they're so convinced that every guy who shows a sliver of interest in them MUST want to date (or possibly sleep with) them and don't want to "hurt him" by saying no, that they come off as aloof ice queens.



Since they've boxed the love of their life into virtually one archetype, if said guy doesn't meet that, they won't give him a chance. I've been attending a new church for nearly 8 months, and during that time I've pursued nothing more than an innocent friendship with any of them. Yet even saying something like "We should talk outside of here" (since we generally only meet as a group 2 times a month) causes sirens to go off in a girl's head.



I've read that even as a Christian single seeking another Christian single I'll have my work cut out for me, but to forego dating and pursue only COURTSHIP at 26 with ONE Christian girl?



I'd be better off searching for a piece of hay in a stack of needles.

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