Are you looking for a spouse, a gf/bf, a friend? I'm not sure what us christians have to do in order to communicate with each other.....but if we don't at least try then we will stay single. It's not smart to give ppl your phone number and address not even on a Christian site but seriously " Do we want to stay single forever"? I'm not saying rush it and marry and reproduce but I am saying.....if we are christians and we are here on this site called christians dating for free then we should at least try to get to know each other........any suggestions for how we can interact with each other more regularly and actually achieve what I believe to be most people's goal for coming to this site.....and find a match. I have a job that requires me to work a whole lot. I don't have time to go out "on the town" so the online option is good for people like myself.......maybe I'm being a little too open but I feel like somebody has to say something to remind people y we are here on this site. I don't believe we have to compromise our Christian beliefs in order to find a spouse. But how can you FIND something if you aren't LOOKING?
I believe what Focus is hitting on is the hallmark flaw of online dating, and I totally relate. Online dating takes the personal touch out of meeting someone. When we have a new email from someone, we see words, and maybe a picture, with that picture being the only true indication that there is a flesh and blood human being at the other end of that email expecting a response. The internet was also once explained to me as the "wild wild west." The law has not caught up with the advances into cyber communication and cyber space, so it's very unsafe and we take a risk every time we put ourselves out there, and dating is a very intimate process of exposing your heart to someone, making us feel even less comfortable with taking that process to someplace as unsecure as the internet. All of this makes it very easy to treat that email from someone that we decide is not our type with the same disregard we treat those spam emails from Amazon or those survey job offers. I know because I've been guilty of ignoring messages too.
So what can we as a Christian community do? I think the answer lies in a recognition that anyone we encounter on here is a member of the new Covenant that Christ made with us. In other words, Jesus died for them too. By seeing every communication in this way, it no longer feels like such a good thing to do to cut off communication with someone without so much as a goodbye or a Dear John or Joanna message. If the other person flips out as a result of receiving that message, that's their problem and you know then that you were right to leave them. I wonder, when did a gently phrased "you're not quite my type" message become more offensive than ignoring someone altogether? I might expect this kind of treatment on a secular dating site, but you're right, we should hold ourselves to a higher standard of behavior if we're in a Christian community.
Okay, so let's say that maybe the whole covenant thing doesn't quite resonate with you. Let me ask this, if someone came up to you on the street and asked you for a chat or even a date, would you simply keep walking and not even look at them as though the other person wasn't there? Probably not, unless they were extremely rude in how they approached you. You're now confronted with a person, with thoughts, feelings, and they've just gone out on a limb to make contact with you and you have to give a response, whether it's yes or no. Why would it be so hard for us to treat those on a dating website with the same respect and consideration?
Another facet of this issue that needs to be addressed is what to do if you are getting flooded with messages and don't have time to answer them all. The ladies are the ones who have to deal with this because that's our custom. As such, we as gentlemen need to just understand this and not take it personally when our thoughtful messages are answered with a profile view and silence. However, I do think that CDFF offers the chance to send back a polite, yet generic "I don't think we're a good match" message, but I think that is only offered when you receive the first message from someone, but at least it's offered. I suggest we all use it if we're getting flooded. I've heard that some ladies get some rude replies for their trouble, so they decide not to bother replying. We gentlemen need to understand that we are NOT God's gift to women and we need to get over ourselves. We can be God's gift to a woman, and we're just on here in the hopes of finding her, but she's obviously not the one that just rejected us.
These are my suggestions to both the men and the women to hopefully make this Christian community function more like the Kingdom we're supposed to reflect. Hopefully that also would make sure that we are in fact on a path toward our goals (spouse, gf/bf, pen pal, etc.) while still reflecting the love that we're supposed to, even across cyberspace. It's all a frustrating process and sometimes we feel like we're the only ones having this trouble, especially with all the scam artists and when we see all the relationships playing out on Facebook before our eyes. It's not a perfect solution, and it may take a little more work and open us up to some rude replies, but if most of us play along, I would hope that the process might not be as frustrating, and those with whom we are in contact will know we are Christians by the love we show even in rejection.
Focus, I always think about something which started in the beginning of the world. Adam did not look for Eve, yet he got Eve. He was feeling lonely seeing the animals had spouse, I am sure in his heart He asked God for Eve, he had to pray for her and God understand
