What do you do when they play the "Christian" card on you?
Posted : 6 Oct, 2009 08:54 PM
I have been a saved Christian for a long time now, and truly understand that I would never want to be yoked with someone that is not of like mind on their faith with me.
I am all about forgiveness, but forgiveness does not necessarily mean I want to be yoked with someone that behaves badly.
My last two dating experiences, both gentlemen knew I was a saved Christian. The first one claimed also to be one, but his heart was truly hard toward his ex-wife and children. I understand that divorce is ugly and that is why Our God hates it so much, it is such a hurtful thing, which is why we need to look toward forgiveness. When I said as much, in a tactful way, he got really ugly with me in a "You women are all alike..." kind of way. Well when I decided this was not what I would like to have in a future husband, he plays the Christian Card on me...."Well I thought you were suppose to be such a Good Christian woman...."
The other guy was aware I was a Christian and he had fallen from faith when his wife passed away. He liked it that I was a Christian, and wanted to go to church with me. Our first and only date went very well, we met for coffee, went to church, and spent the day at Falls Park and taking the Sculpture Walk. He told me he had a great time, and I had a good time too. We decided to do it again in two weeks.
We talked a couple times on the phone, the last conversation he asked me for a confirmation for Sunday and I said you bet, and didn't hear from him again for the better part of a week, so Saturday night I called to confirm that we were still on for Church, and he never returned my phone call.
He did not show up for church. My computer was down for nearly a week, but then I emailed him and asked if everything was okay, and he emails back that I was always too busy to talk (I'm renovating my house, yeah, I'm busy, but I always took his calls).
I decided I really didn't want to get involved with someone that would have such a blatant disregard for me as to stand me up like that and then there was no genuine apology or good reason for it. So I told him I didn't think it would work out and he tells me but we had such a good time when we went out, I really enjoyed out date. ??? Yeah, for real, so I told him that I wasn't interested in seeing someone that would stand me up and not even call to break the date. I told him that I believed if I would not have contacted him via email that he would not have contacted me at all, so what is the point? And he plays the Christian Card on me.
"Will I though you were such a Good Christian, well FU and you F'ing church, you are the reason people hate Christians"
Where does it say that I have to be all forgiving of men who behave badly to the point of continuing to date them? I have no problem forgiving either of them, I just don't want to date them because of the way they acted.
How do those of you out there handle it when you decide you don't want to date someone and the play the Christian Card on you? I rather resent that they would act like being a "Christian of THAT sort" would be a bad thing, like I am some sort of a big judgmental bigot or something which could not be farther from the truth.
I believe that the truth with tact is a good thing, because there is nothing harder than being let down easy. But I don't know what to say to them when they say this. Both men I only dated once and they really don't know anything about me or about my faith. In fact I don't think it was about me either time so much as it was about them, and I think they felt convicted in their hearts.
What do you do when they play the "Christian" card on you?
Posted : 7 Oct, 2009 05:20 PM
dear tara, remember christians are human too. and all are at different places in their walks.. i believe being equally yoked has alot more to do with than just each being saved... just find your match..
What do you do when they play the "Christian" card on you?
Posted : 8 Oct, 2009 05:21 AM
Thanks Cattle,
You know I don't think it was really about me either time, I think they were both just feeling convicted over their own bad behavior.
Funny how you can check someone on something as a friend and get by with it, but when you become their date, they expect you to just smile and say, oh, that's okay, when certain things are just not okay, and if they cannot treat you well as a date, they certainly will not treat you well as a wife.
I think its harder to be supportive in their walk when you start dating. I think you have to back away from situations like that and just pray for them.
What do you do when they play the "Christian" card on you?
Posted : 17 Oct, 2009 02:02 PM
Yeah, when he started flying the "f' thing, I blocked him. I figure if they treat you like this when you first start dating, what will it be ten years into a marriage. Yikes, no thanks.
What do you do when they play the "Christian" card on you?
Posted : 18 Oct, 2009 03:14 PM
Oh, Sorry My Brother, I didn't mean you at all, I was talking about the guy that played the "Thought you were such a good Christian" card on me, and then started flying the f-bomb at me from his keyboard. I guess sometimes we just need to thank God for what we find out early.
What do you do when they play the "Christian" card on you?
Posted : 18 Oct, 2009 07:28 PM
A couple of years ago I dated someone for about 2-3 months that I met online. He was a Christian and a deacon in his church. We had dinner at his house one night and he made it known that he wanted to sleep with me. I told him "No way." I don't believe in sex outside of marriage. He told me that he looked through the Bible and it didn't say anything against premarital sex. I was so mad that I grabbed my keys and left. I was too mad to speak. He made himself out to be a solid Christian, but used the Bible to find loop holes for living his life.
That was my last dating experience and I never saw him again. Through those experience I find that it's very important to be "equally yoked" in faith and beliefs. Also my screening process has changed since then :)
