Being very picky in here, or wondering what you are doing here at all?
Posted : 7 May, 2016 05:04 AM
Hi!
I'm so picky that I can't find anyone "naturally", and it doesn't help that I'm introverted and move in small circles. I rarely
fall in love, and if I feel a little interested in someone in
"real life", I don't really know if I like them, and I hate taking
initiative not knowing if I'm really interested. I don't like taking initiative at all, really. Culturally, guys in my circles (Norwegians) are really slow taking initiative themselves. Besides, there's usually competition around guys who are outgoing/laidback, which happen to be the guys I like.
There are also more girls than guys in Norwegian christian circles in general.
I'm only on dating sites because I try to look at other options. I'm on a national dating site, but I just end up getting a lot of messages from Non-believers, and I got tempted to make a mistake and go on a date with one (non-christian) guy who lived nearby. Having listened to a sermon about dating, I broke it off before meeting, and the Lord has graciously saved me from compromising on the faith. This just shows how unholy I am, and how gracious God is.
I'm looking for someone I truly know that I'm interested in. Or else, I'd just be faking it. I'd rather stay single until I find it. I've been single all my life. I think God has spared me from a lot of mistakes just by not letting me have what I wanted. He wanted me to grow closer to him instead of closer to someone else and away from him.
My self-image took a hit because those I wanted chose other girls over me. But then I realised that it might be part of God's plan, to save me from giving myself to someone else than my future husband, and also saving them for their future wives.
What I also keep thinking about is that it's a temptation to seek guys less holy than ourselves, because we don't feel we deserve those who are more holy. At least I feel that way. Still, what I want and need is a good spiritual leader, who can be compassionate instead of self-righteous. I try to seek that now.
Feeling really bad about rejecting so many, but I just want to be genuine and honest. I'm really a people pleaser trying to be more honest than pleasing, as I couldn't live as a slave to other's expections. I've noticed guys treasure honesty more than pleasing, at least the guys who are not trying to exploit you.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts/experiences, and if you have a similar problem.
