Separated?

Posted : 3 Sep, 2022 02:02 AM

Wow wow wow!!! This is an appalling thread to read, especially on a “Christian “ dating site!! So much for the Bible and it’s teaching about NOT judging others…. Unbelievable!! Just because someone puts separated on their profile gives you the right to treat them like this? Where I live, unless you can prove verbal abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse or attempted murder there are requirements to have so many years of a legal separation prior to being able to even apply for divorce. I do not think it is very CHRISTIAN to paint every separated person as “ unable to be alone”, that they are dragging other/outside people into a battle as that is a pretty harsh judgement on a wide group of people. Everything takes time, sometimes a divorce, the paper side of the end of a marriage, cannot happen as quick as some would like. Let’s not forget that to get a divorce will cost money, money to get legal representation, money for court costs and more money for more costs so that adds to even more time for that to happen. Even uncontested, amicable divorces take time to happen. We’d all love to be able to say we never had our marriage end/fail/ but in today’s JUDGMENTAL world that is not the case. Nobody marries and thinks geez I will divorce in 3-5 years. Divorce is a very difficult, humiliating situation to be in, especially as a Christian!! It’s tough to put yourself out there on a dating site, show your vulnerabilities of your personal character then find you are being judged by “CHRISTIAN “ people for your title of separation, is it better to lie, bend the truth, misstate the situation, give half truth’s?? I am sure each separated person has/had a heartbreaking or horrible reason that their marriage ended and despite your degrading comments, we are not all looking to drag people into our divorce situation but instead tried to heal, to let God heal us more and are picking up our pieces to rebuild our life. I can only speak for myself but I married my husband because I loved him wholeheartedly, I only saw him in a group of a hundred men, I did anything he asked and more, I was a dutiful wife and I even told him that if he married me I would never divorce him as I believed in marriage, I believed in our marriage being blessed and that it would never end however it turned out that I was alone in those beliefs as my husband up and moved out of our home, cut all my brake lines to kill me yet still I loved him and cried every night and prayed for our marriage. It’s been over 6 years since I last talked to him and I have been healing, praying, growing, learning and overcoming my shame in my marriage ending. I’m still not divorced and to be honest I don’t want to give him a divorce as he completely broke me emotionally, financially and physically, he will get his divorce eventually as our system grants after so many years of no contact however it is not my place to JUDGE OR PUNISH him. I did not take heed that he has done this to many, many women plus 3 other wives and unfortunately I am just another notch in a long stick of betrayal.

Even now I am moving slow into any relationship ( friendship incl).. I don’t want to burden anyone with my past hardships as that wouldn’t be fair but do I have to stay alone, isolated and ostracized because my marriage ended?