Here comes Ole Mother Hubbard again! Age tends to give you perspective. I've noticed that there are far more widowed and divorced women on dating sites than never married - may not hold true in your age group, but I'm guessing if they are on this site, they are bringing baggage. It is inevitable for all of us, if we have been in any kind of a male/female relationship before. I've also noticed that there are way more insecure people on sites than confident, well-balanced people. As the ladies have already stated, women who don't feel good about themselves, are going to try and get affirmation, even though it is the wrong kind of affirmation. If they are excessively insecure, they don't just want to feel that they are attractive to you, they want to feel that they are irresistible. DANGEROUS! If you try to tell them that they "need help," you'll make a lot of enemies, but you might ask them if they have a mentor or confidante and how they have dealt with rejections of their past - you wouldn't be wise to become their counselor, but it would help you gauge if the relationship has any hope. If they don't have a mentor or confidante, please encourage them to do so. I think that you are a wise enough man to figure out how to proceed if she truly is trying to work out her "issues."
I would have preferred a private response, but couldn't because of your age setting. I am one of those women who set "must not smoke." I am allergic to smoke. My husband was a smoker but didn't smoke in the house or the car. However, 9 years into the marriage he died of lung cancer. I have told several other men on this site that I would have a haunting feeling every time I saw them light up. I just can't go through that.
Undoubtedly, some of the women will be self-righteous, but some of us have legitimate reasons. I hope a godly women does give you a break. My husband was a wonderful man with a terrible addiction to nicotine.
I don't want any e-mails stating that he should have relied on God more. I've heard it all. The oncologist said that the damage was done to his cells as a teenager - before he accepted Christ. Stopping as an adult would have made him a healthier adult, but wouldn't have made a difference in the cancer cells developing. Don't let your kids smoke before they are at least 18. It's not child's play.
Sorry for what you're going through. I will pray that God brings you a wonderful woman. My daughter is graduating in a few weeks and it is a big sigh of relief. I had to keep reminding myself that God loves her more than I do. She is really in His hands not mine.
Did you ever get an answer? Your Pastor made a "One Size Fits ALL" statement. I'm guessing that if you are over 20, you've already discovered that nothing fits everyone, and when someone makes a blanket statement...tada, you have threads like this one.
Can Christian men be romantic? Yes.
However, the males in my family aren't exactly batting a thousand. My mom and dad joke that my dad told her on their wedding day that he loved her and he doesn't see the need to say it again unless he's changed his mind. His original statement still holds. Glad their .
My brother proposed to my sister-in-law, she said yes, and he said, "Okay, come look at the crop damage with me." Oops.
But, I love my story. I don't care who rented a private restaurant room or decorated a dock, or spelled it out in the swimming pool with floating candles...my husband did the most romantic thing for ME. I had become very sick with mono. Getting mono when you're an adult can be very dangerous. My glands were so swollen and painful that I ...(fast forward) I went home and stayed with my parents for a month. The day I returned was Valentines Day. I was still weak, was wearing my pjs, and hadn't even looked in a mirror. He walks into my house with a dozen roses and a ring. I looked a total mess, but he's kneeling there saying he never wants to be separated again. (speechless)
Still, One size doesn't fit all. I've heard women say that they would be mortified for their boyfriend to see them like that and would throw them out before they had time to propose, or ask why he couldn't wait for a nice restaurant and music. Each to their own. My beau hit the spot with me! That's the important part. When you love some one, you want to please them. Find out what your boyfriend/spouse thinks is romantic and please him.
You are still very young. I remember trying to figure out God's call at your age. May I encourage you to try as many different opportunities as possible? I tried Adult Christian Ed. and found it kind of dry and boring. Even tried church planting for a while. 'Course Youth are never boring, but it didn't take all that long to discover that children are my passion.
I'll pray for you. Check in once in a while with updates, so I'll know how to keep praying.
I hope to bring some perspective here. I think all of you have valid points. After serving the last 30 years in MINISTRY to youth and children, I want to commend Garrett for his insight into the psychology that exists behind the scenes in too many churches. Being clergy is an occupation, a calling. In my opinion, every Christian has a calling. So, in that sense we are all equally human, and clergy sin just like the rest of the congregants. That lines up with scripture that we all sin and therefore are equal in God's sight. In God's eyes there is no position. Everyone is the same. I think that is why some people have problems with the words "over" and "under."
But, lets talk about that now. A church must have heirarchy of authority to function just like a business or household. God has set up that heirarchy in His Word, but Garrett is correct that sometimes that heirachy slips out from under God's intentions. We are back to all Christian's being sinners. It is an innate bent for the natural man to struggle with pride, power, control, and competitiveness. When a godly man slips, it can impact the whole church. I have personally witnessed churches that wanted to have the largest building, largest congregation, most activities, biggest gym...and forget to be servants and administer God's Word. Instead, trading discipleship for entertainment. When I read Garrett's words about leaders stepping down, I did not think of dismantling the church structure, but to coin an old phrase "step down from their high horse." When personal pride or collective church pride is allowed to continue, the church as God's family ceases to exist, just to be replaced by a social club with a religious name.
But PJ, you are correct too. These godly men that meet the standard of requirements in Timothy spend their occupational hours praying, studying the Bible, participating in continuing education and training, pastor accountability fellowships, and more. It is unfortunate and disruptive to the church family when people use our equality as believers to oppose the authority of the church leadership. Pastor's engaged in sin should be confronted. The Bible has several passages on how to confront in love. Revealing someone's sin to them is for the purpose of repentance and restoration, not condemnation and distruction. And no, a congregant should not follow a clergyman into sin, but in our tabloid happy society, our "equal sinners" delight in destroying the authority of a "higher power." We humans all too easily slip out from under God's umbrella of proper church authority.
Garrett, I hope God revealing these truths to you is a start of God's call on your life to serve and disciple. Jesus came to heal the sick. The well don't need a physician. Unfortunately, many churches today reject the same people that the Pharisees criticized Jesus for befriending. You don't have to serve a congregation in order to be called to minister God's Word and healing. There are many wonderful parachurch organizations. Exciting things are happening in Haiti and Chile. You Go Garrett!
Sorry this is so long, but hope it is encouraging to someone.
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