Dave, my heart goes out to you and your family. I am sorry that you are enduring something that you never planned for. I hope for your kids sake and for your own you keep your eyes on Christ Who is your Life! You asked for honesty and not pity and in that heart I submit this response to you. I can only hope that you are continuing to search after Him with all of your heart and to show an example to your kids who also need Jesus so desperately!
With that being said, bro, you are looking at the wrong things�.is God in control or are you left here to do it all yourself. Is it not He Who works in you and through you? Is His hand not strong enough or able to bring you a wife? What does it say in the Scriptures? Isaiah 42:28-31
28 Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, faints not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
29 He gives power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increases strength.
30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
You say �I may be in Shell-Shock already, but as the battlefield clears, I find it laid waste and desolate, and me alone with a virtually empty weapon.� You are not alone unless you are not a Christian�.and what about your children? If you are alone, what in the world are they thinking? They didn�t even start the battle and certainly didn�t think to pick up a weapon during the battle. I don�t know why you got divorced but it just didn�t affect you. You need to turn your eyes away from yourself brother and look unto Jesus�.He is the Anchor that holds and the friend that sticks closer than a brother. He knows exactly what happened and why it did and He is the Lord of your life�.wondering why you can�t find a woman is the least of your worries!
And you think you have gained only disqualifiers�. Pursue God brother with ALL of your heart. That is our, MY most desperate need! Without Him we can do nothing! (John 15:5) How long have you been divorced? They say you need a year for every year you were married before you get married again. Have you seen the re married statistics�.over 60% of those who get married a second time fail again and the statistics for third and fourth timers is even more dismal.
And again, �here is how I see it.� How does God see it? Like it or not you were involved in the marriage and you were also involved in the divorce. You have a responsibility as the leader of the home�.you are not the Leader but the leader�.if you were not seeking God while married you were not leading�..He always Leads so you cannot drop the blame on God�.none of us ever can. If your wife brought the event about then she bears some responsibility but you still chose her in the first place. Hopefully you were being Led in the first place. Has she remarried? Did she commit adultery before the divorce? What is the God of miracles actually wants to bring you back together because He is a God of restoration? I see so many divorced people running to their next relationship because they hate �him� or �her� never leaving room for a change of heart�..or Him to change my heart!
A-You are high risk. To think otherwise is to deceive yourself. Why? Because your first marriage failed and you were involved in it! You didn�t do what needed to be done in that one so what makes some precious little open hearted Christian woman trusts that you can make this one work. Where was God during that marriage? He doesn�t want us as men to ever leave our wives because He hates divorce. Does this make you a bad person? NO!!!!! It just means you need to learn to walk with God and especially hear His voice in regards to another marriage. Why? Well, the reasons are countless but most importantly for your own peace and for the sake of your CHILDREN!!!!!
A-Free loaders? Sugar mama? Really? No, they see them as a risk and if they were interested it wouldn�t be a race to the altar but a slow determined process of spending time to see how you deal with situations that come up as you spend time together in different types of scenarios. You should be evaluating the same things.
A-Do you have a job? Has it been long term? If so, then you probably can provide but given the financial crisis America has seen over the last few years all bets are off. If you lost your job would you do the right thing and go get another? Even if it met working at McDonalds? So that your family could eat? Good�.Yes? that is the answer!
A-Unstable? Have you sought God and diligently given yourself to Him? In regards to marriage and your previous wife? Does He want you to be remarried? Unstableness is seen by how you handle things. Unlovely? We are what we are on the outside but His beauty and His Spirit lives in us if we are Christians and He is not unlovely. Again, maybe you are looking at the wrong things Dave!
A-The point is that you need to man up and trust God. You need to become a man of faith and live that out no matter what�..why? Because He said I will never leave you nor forsake you. He knows the plans He has for you�.
Dude, you are not a woman that has raised 3 kids by herself who has a husband that left them all when they were babies and couldn�t handle it. Woman have just as much of a difficult time being divorced and having children still to raise while still wanting a husband. They can be pretty and nice and oh, by the way�..it becomes a deal breaker for some men.
A-God clearly tells us in Scripture that we are NOT to follow our hearts. It is a ploy of the enemy to get us to do so. Are they really or better yet are we really following Gods Word in this matter? Proverbs 28:26
26 He that trusts in his own heart is a fool: but whoso walks wisely, he shall be delivered.
A-Is the Western view correct? Is it Biblical? I don�t think so!
A-Dave, yes, women or at least some women feel uncomfortable and grilling them on �why� can come across as weak and pathetic. Why? Because we are suppose to be focused on Christ and His life in us. Because He is our Joy and our Strength! Because our eyes are not to be upon ourselves but upon Him and the needs of others. Brother, I fail miserably daily but I know that He alone is the Answer�..He Alone is the Solution�..I cannot breathe without Him. I need His choices for me and am afraid of making my own�..Why? because I have made so many mistakes without Him already and they are burdensome and hard. Bro, Jesus is the man of her dreams! Him in you the Hope of glory. You taking up your cross daily and seeking Him for His life is what they want. Someone willing to die to themselves and love her like Christ loved the Church.
