I am skeptical of the practice of spanking, I would not be quick to call it abuse since A. It can be done with loving intentions B. I suspect it puts people on the defensive.
At least in American culture "abuse" or especially "child abuse" has the connotation that a person doing such a thing is a soulless monster. So while I am against euphemisms, I don't want to use such a loaded term to describe the behavior of loving parents.
On the other hand, I think it is fair to call it hitting. I mean, if I were totally in favor of spanking, I would be willing to grant that it is hitting. I am not a fan of euphemisms. So the question is whether hitting a kid is the best way to teach discapline. If hitting were an effective way of teaching discipline, I would be far less skeptical of the practice. But I just see no evidence for this, I certainly was not a success case since I had to teach myself disapline. I am skeptical on the basis that I see no evidence of its effectiveness, not because it is impossible to imagine how it could potentially be non-abusive.
I was spanked, I wouldn't call it abuse and it wasn't nearly as bad people often describe their experiences with spanking. I wouldn't call it a beating like many "spanked" people have received, more embarrassing than painful. I believe that my parents love me and didn't do it out of malice but because they mistakenly thought that it was the best way for me to learn disapline.
Here are a few neutral observations of mine.
1. If a parent attempts to teach discipline in an ineffective or counterproductive way, that doesn't mean that parent is evil or doesn't love their children, it likely means that the parent was unawre of more better options. We should be willing to learn from our parents without idolizing or scandalizing or resenting them. We can say that they did their best without idolizing all their methods as perfect.
2. The Bible makes absolutely no mention of specifically slapping children on the butt. So isn't it possible that hitting a different location would be more propper, if we are intent on hitting? Just think about this objectively, why the butt of all places? What are the advantages and do the outweigh the potential disadvantages. Why not hit them on the back or some other area? Honest question. I don't think we should scandalize parents like they are perverts or something, but maybe this is unintentionally sending children the wrong message. Solomon also says that it is foolish to not be open to criticism and change, that is actually what Proverbs is all about.
Now here are some of my doubts and why I would certainly put a great deal of effort into other methods before considering spanking.
1. It is often interpreted as unloving to children. It may be a mistaken interpretation, but it is their interpretation(of many children). At least a fraction of children interpret things this way, even if you didn't. And if your child is such a child, they will interpret it in such a way regardless of what you say to them. Whatever benefits that can be gained by spanking are less than the benefits of the child knowing that he or she is unconditionally loved.
2. I see no way in which it teaches discipline. I grew up with no self-control and not much respect for others. I had to learn this myself through certain habits and mindsets and correction from God, none of which involved artificial punishments.
3. The focus should not be taken away from the natural consequences. It would be especially disastrous to spare children from natural consequences(at least harmless consequences) and to impose artificial consequences in their place. Many spankers understand this and that is why I think that their children often grow up fine, because they were taught with more effective methods along with spanking which may or may not have helped.
4. For many parents, it is a sin to spank, regardless of whether it is a misguided or a wonderful form of discipline. It is a sin to do anything against the conscience(Romans 14). So a parent that has doubts about whether spanking is right or wrong, whether in general or in a specific case, should not spank. Spanking is not the only form of disapline, thankfully my parents knew this so I wasn't totally lost.
5. I was spanked as a kid and look how I turned out! Surely you don't want your children to end up like me!
That guy was definitely in the wrong. Was he an internet troll or something?
The Bible teaches not to have sex until marriage and to not even fantasize in a willfully lustful way about people.
Should sex be discussed before marriage? Certainly! But not with the intention of titillating each other. People need to be on the same page about sex before they get married.
Certain questions should probably be asked very early, like "Do you believe it is okay to have sex before marriage?" and their answer should be "No." if you are looking for a Christian that values the Bible.
I am not talking about discussing the explicit details of it, but learning each other's principles and expectations. If it is not discussed before marriage, it will likely make things more difficult than they need to be or even result in a painful marriage. Maybe one person is expecting that there will be sex eight times a week and the other is thinking that twice a year will be best! Maybe one person wants the other parts of a marriage relationship but has lots of baggage or trauma about sex. Those sorts of things may not be deal-breakers(especially unresolved trauma or fear), but they need to be discussed before marriage. Even if it is about something that ought not be a dealbreaker but will be a stain, it should be discussed. Things that could potentially be a huge strain on the relationship should be discussed. https://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/engagement-newlyweds/10-things-you-need-to-talk-about-before-you-get-married.html
If most Christian women frequently experience that(being asked for sex while dating) then men like me must be in high demand. Maybe I can have that as my headline as a sort of slogan "Date me, I won't ask to have sex with you!"
I wonder how widespread the problem actually is among actual believers in God. I am sure I am far from being the only man that wouldn't behave in such a way but I have seen at least a few Christian women suggesting that many men want "casual sex" or something. Maybe those sorts of men just date tons of women so there is an illusion that they are the majority rather than there being a true shortage of sexually principled men. Or maybe that is too optimistic, I don't know.
Men are to love their wives as they do their own bodies
Posted : 30 Jan, 2020 06:44 AM
I lost about 90 pounds 2-4 years ago I think 70-80 pounds of it must have been fat(I was weaker afterwards because I went overboard with caloric restriction). I still got probably 10-20 "stubborn" pounds of fat that I would like to lose but I have kept the weight off. I think it is very hard to lose fat when you hate your body, I was succecful because I valued my body, my health, my life, my future. But I didn't do it "for myself", I don't believe those that say you have to do it for themselves. I did it because I believe that I will be able to use my life to serve and I ought not cut it short by killing myself with food, and for my future family's sake.
If you hate yourself, it will be difficult to lose weight because why invest in yourself in a difficult way if you are just a piece of cr*p(in your own eyes)? I was able to lose weight by realizing not only did I have an important role to serve, but that I could potentially even become attractive. Don't "let yourself" go, that is how I gained so much fat, deciding that I was fat anyway so it didn't matter if I ate whenever I wanted.
The problem with "doing it for yourself" is that eating junk food has the illusion of being in our own interests.
You can actually lose weight by eating more if you want. Look up the concept of caloric density. There are some foods that you could literally eat all day and lose weight. Don't buy into the nonsense that carbs are bad. I bought into that myth for a long time but I get generally 70-80% of my calories from carbs, I honestly overeat a bit, and I have still kept from gaining weight. I don't know how you feel about vegtables, I used to hate them beacuse I had some I didn't like and thought they must all be bad. I find the most popular salad foods(celerly, raw carrots, raw tomatoes) to be boring or unpleasant(to me), I prefer cruciferous vegetables, onions, grains, apples, bananas, etc. You have to find what you like.
Look up food that you like and put them into Cronometer .com to see how many calories that they have
