Well, about a month ago, my ex-fiance of a little over a year just all of a sudden broke up with me saying he was tired of it all and that he was just done and it hurt me a great deal. I mean,it was like it had happened out of the blue so needless to say he left me very confused and upset because he wouldnt tell me why or what I did wrong....he had been acting distant towards me for a few weeks prior to that like blowing me off or saying he was busy but I had no idea anything was going on,I mean even a couple days before then he acted normal like nothing was going on but he suddenly dumps me. We had met over a year ago and we hit it off big time...it was like we were soulmates and we had a lot of things in common and everything like that and we both felt like we were meant for each other and that I was the one for him and he was the one for me. Well a few months into the relationship he lost his job and has been out of work for just about a year and had to move out of his apartment and move back in with his mom who is kinda well-to-do but we were together a lot and I was there for him and I stuck by him through everything...a few months ago he had even asked me to marry him and I said yes so we were engaged as well so you can imagine how devastated I was when he did what he did. I mean, I was to the point where I was so depressed that I thought I had nothing to live for and I seriously thought about taking my own life because I really thought that someone like me who wasnt thin,beautiful or rich or anything like that could never get anyone else to love me and I thought I deserved to have someone treat me bad or hurt me because I thought some people saw me as plain white trash who is unworthy of being loved simply because I wasnt what the majority of people found attractive. Fast forward to about a week ago he messages me on instant messenger and tells me he is sorry if he hurt me and he never meant to hurt me and that he still cares about me but about a month ago he had met someone else that his mom knew from her church and had invited her over to the house to try to set him up with her and he told his mom that he was still with me but she kept pushing it saying that simply because I wasnt from the side of town they were from or wasnt well-off like they were that I was only with him for what I could get from him or what he could do for me,more or less implying that I was a golddigger when that couldnt be any further from the truth...anyone who knows me knows that I am only after love and wanted to settle down and have a family and now I am kinda scared that now that I am 31yrs old and not what most men would be attracted to that that dream will never come true. On top of that my ex-fiance will be 35 later this year and he dumped me for a 24yr.old girl simply because his mom and his family thought she was more acceptable than I was. I asked him what did I do that was so terrible to deserve this...I mean, I stood by him through everything and this is what I get and he told me that I didnt do anything wrong,that I was a great girl and he appreciated everything I did for him. Regardless I blame myself for what happened...if I had been more like what they wanted me to be and been a better woman I wouldnt have got dumped and I just dont know what I keep doing wrong...Im just trying to figure it out so I dont make the same mistake again. Thanks for listening and if you have some insight or feedback I would love to hear it..have a nice day and God bless you
What does being single and living the single lifestyle mean to a christian man or woman?
Posted : 17 May, 2010 10:00 PM
I've been doing a lot of thinking on the subject and I am curious if it means the same to a christian man or woman as it does to a non-christian? What I mean by that is that the majority of single people I have noticed only see being single and living the single lifestyle as the total freedom to do stuff such as lay up in a bar or nightclub 24-7 and sleep around with as many people and have as many sexual partners as humanly possible and indulge in drinking and recreational drug use and have no interest in being in a relationship, much less finding someone to settle down with and start a life and family with and these types usually go for someone that is as wild as they are and are into the partying and promiscuous sex to be with,even if it's short-term and the damage done to that person is irreparable because these types of relationships lead to infidelity as well as trust and honesty issues in not just the current relationship but any relationship that they may have in the future because they assume if my ex treated me that way,then everyone else will be like that and causes a lot of problems and make it difficult for good people to find a good man or woman because they think the next one will treat them like their ex did and they start treating the new boyfriend or girlfriend really bad because they're still carrying baggage around from the way their former boyfriends or girlfriends treated them, whichever the case may be.
Now, keep in mind that the majority of these people that I have come across and 99% of the time the people that I am trying to describe are non-christians and the 1% are christians but somehow got confused somewhere down the line,but nevertheless do live like that for whatever reason.
I am not trying to judge anyone in any way, shape or form but I have been doing a lot of thinking about this lately because it seems like someone like me, a good, christian woman who has a lot of love and affection to give and who would love nothing more than to find someone to settle down with and start a life and family with and would do anything in the world to make that happen,always get rejected or even ignored by men for other women who are into the partying and promiscuous sexual behavior and are usually thinner and prettier and have a lot of money and material things as well only for this particular type of woman to use them for what they could do for them or to further their own selfish agenda and treat them badly in the process, that they would choose over someone like me who would treat them like a king and would show him every day just how much I love him and would go out of her way to make him feel loved, wanted and needed.
Don't get me wrong, women are just as guilty of men because I know where women totally ignore men that would treat them like a queen for some guy that treats them like garbage and moves on to someone else. I just wonder if being single and living the single lifestyle means the same to a christian man or woman as it does to a non-christian,who generally live the way that I have described in my post because most christians know that God would not approve and what does being single mean to a christian if they don't live their lives like that. If anyone has any thoughts on the subject please feel free to gve them or any advice on how to attract a good christian mate without having to resort to being wild or promiscuous (i.e.,constant partying and clubbing and sleeping around all the time with many different partners)God bless you and be with you :)
Im wondering if there really are any good men out there because im not sure anymore
Posted : 21 Apr, 2010 03:27 PM
I wish I had some good news to report but sadly thats not the case. About a month and a half ago I met someone online that was a christian and lived in the same town and the same area that I do and we hit it off big time. He was talking about how he loved me and wanted to be with me and talked about wanting to marry me. A couple weeks ago he starts distancing himself from me, not taking any of my calls or texts,we became friends on myspace after we started talking but deleted me and today I found out on his myspace that hes seeing someone else and is in love with her.
I emailed him and asked him why and and wanted to know what I did that was so wrong and was pretty upset and told him among other things that I thought it was because like everyone else, he thought I was fat, ugly, old and that I wasnt good enough for him as a woman and and that nothing I did was good enough for him no matter how nice I was to him or how good I was to him or how much love and affection I gave him and thats why he rejected me because I failed him.
He e-mails me saying that he should have been honest and it was someone that he dated a while back and they started talking again recently and realized that he was still in love with her and it wasnt anything to do with me and I didnt do anything wrong and I didnt let him down and that I wasnt fat, old, ugly or anything like that and that I shouldnt beat myself up over that and that he was really sorry that he hurt me and that he promises that I will meet someone awesome but I dont know if I will because I just feel like this was my last chance to find someone to settle down with and start a family with because I will be 30 in a month and im not getting any younger and I know Im not as pretty and I don't look like most of these other girls out there and I feel like I don't have anything good to offer a guy to make him love me or want to be with me simply because I have been rejected so many times no matter how nice I am and how good I am to someone or how much love and affection I give someone I just feel like there is something wrong with me as a woman or I wouldnt keep getting rejected by guys.
Could anyone give me any advice that will help me because I am really hurt and confused and I dont really know if there are any good guys out there or if they're all gone.
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 9 Mar, 2010 09:34 PM
you brought up some very good points in your response, Rachel. I am a little confused by something you said however. How can wanting to be married and wanting to have a family become an idol in your life even though its a good thing that God wants His people to have? I mean, is it when you truly want and desire something bad enough and long enough? I am not sure about this. And if this happens, does it happen to you unknowingly at some point it time, like if you didn't know it or wasn't aware of it happening. If you or anyone can answer this and clear this up for me it can be greatly appreciated.
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 9 Mar, 2010 09:26 PM
thanks,that's pretty good advice....like i said, i felt like that's what I had to do in order to attract someone simply because i felt like there was no other way
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 6 Mar, 2010 10:50 PM
yeah, I see where you're coming from and what you're basically saying is that I shouldn't let other people dictate to me how I live my life and just look to God to give me everything that I could want or dream of and build on my relationship with Him before I try to find someone to spend the rest of my life with and start a family with. I was just giving my observations as to why I always get rejected by guys and trying to figure out if those actually were the reasons that I would get rejected or dumped simply because that's what generally would happen in that situation and usually what I was told by others or if it was something else entirely that I missed in trying to figure it out so I wouldn't make the same mistakes again. I admit, constantly being rejected and dumped has somewhat taken a toll on my self-esteem because I truly believed that the problem is me and there was something wrong with me as a woman that I needed to be the kind of woman that I was convinced that men would be attracted to so I would have the best chance of finding a husband to settle down and start a family with. Thank you and I'll pray for you as well
What exactly is it that men like and find attractive in a woman
Posted : 6 Mar, 2010 09:24 PM
Well, the thing is that from what I have noticed and observed,I always thought that most men went for one type of woman: thin, pretty, young and the type of women they thought were devoted to serving their every little need and catering to their every little whim, and were intimidated and not attracted to what some people considered to be strong, smart, independent career women or ones that didn't look a certain way or that they thought were too demanding simply because they had a career.
The ones that I came across always seemed to be attracted to that type so I tried to be submissive and tried to downplay my intelligence or tried to downplay the fact that I am highly educated or even a college graduate simply because I am not really skinny or pretty and I thought that was the only way I could attract anyone is if I acted like that. The weird thing is it only seemed to work for a short time and it seems like most guys closer to my age want younger and prettier women that do cater to their every whim and I have to compete with that if I want to meet someone decent that could be my future husband and that I could settle down with and start a family with because I have noticed that men that I have come across are not really attracted to women that are college-educated and have a career because a lot of times they will throw it up in your face and say stuff like you're too involved in your career and that you care more about your job than you do about me and saying that's why I am cheating on you with someone else and I am leaving you and/or divorcing you for her, usually it's for someone younger and prettier.
Another thing that I have noticed in the couple of relationships I have had, as well as the many rejections when I first introduce myself to a guy that I have dealt with is that men don't like it if you don't want to get sexually involved with them in like the first 2 or 3 dates and you explain to him why then he pushes you away and rejects you for someone who will. I have to say that I haven't been in that many relationships and that's another reason why I get rejected. In case you were wondering, yes, at 29 years old I am still a virgin and the relationships that I have been in never lasted long enough for me to get to that point because I would have to be in a relationship with someone for a while before I would consider doing anything sexual with him, that is if I choose not to wait til my wedding night. That's something that I don't mention to someone I am seeing until maybe a few weeks into a relationship unless I am asked about that before then by the guy, then I am upfront and honest with them because I feel like honesty is very important in a relationship. I don't know if its a blessing or a curse because on one hand some people applaud you and are saying you are doing the right thing, but by the same token you have people who look down on you because they think you should be messing around with as many guys as possible and they make it look so cool and so glamorous to have sex with as many different people as possible and say that you are a uptight little prude or a stuck-up little priss and make some snide, nasty remarks along the lines of"you're too fat and ugly to ever have someone be attracted to you or want to be with you and love you" or that "you're too old, fat and ugly to find someone" or my personal favorite,"if you don't do it, they will find some other woman that will" if you don't live your life like that and I have to also compete for guys closer to my age with other women that are 95% of the time, younger and prettier that will do that for a man.
Again, these are things I have been told and that I have observed and noticed in my search for someone that I could settle down and start a family with who will unconditionally love me as well as accept and appreciate me for who I am as a woman and what I have to give to them and offer them. I might be confused or might have the wrong idea about this all together. If you have any thoughts on this I would like to hear them because I just don't know and I hope and pray to God that there are still some decent gentlemen out there. God bless you and be with you
What exactly is it that men like and are attracted to in a woman
Posted : 6 Mar, 2010 09:22 PM
Well, the thing is that from what I have noticed and observed,I always thought that most men went for one type of woman: thin, pretty, young and the type of women they thought were devoted to serving their every little need and catering to their every little whim, and were intimidated and not attracted to what some people considered to be strong, smart, independent career women or ones that didn't look a certain way or that they thought were too demanding simply because they had a career.
The ones that I came across always seemed to be attracted to that type so I tried to be submissive and tried to downplay my intelligence or tried to downplay the fact that I am highly educated or even a college graduate simply because I am not really skinny or pretty and I thought that was the only way I could attract anyone is if I acted like that. The weird thing is it only seemed to work for a short time and it seems like most guys closer to my age want younger and prettier women that do cater to their every whim and I have to compete with that if I want to meet someone decent that could be my future husband and that I could settle down with and start a family with because I have noticed that men that I have come across are not really attracted to women that are college-educated and have a career because a lot of times they will throw it up in your face and say stuff like you're too involved in your career and that you care more about your job than you do about me and saying that's why I am cheating on you with someone else and I am leaving you and/or divorcing you for her, usually it's for someone younger and prettier.
Another thing that I have noticed in the couple of relationships I have had, as well as the many rejections when I first introduce myself to a guy that I have dealt with is that men don't like it if you don't want to get sexually involved with them in like the first 2 or 3 dates and you explain to him why then he pushes you away and rejects you for someone who will. I have to say that I haven't been in that many relationships and that's another reason why I get rejected. In case you were wondering, yes, at 29 years old I am still a virgin and the relationships that I have been in never lasted long enough for me to get to that point because I would have to be in a relationship with someone for a while before I would consider doing anything sexual with him, that is if I choose not to wait til my wedding night. That's something that I don't mention to someone I am seeing until maybe a few weeks into a relationship unless I am asked about that before then by the guy, then I am upfront and honest with them because I feel like honesty is very important in a relationship. I don't know if its a blessing or a curse because on one hand some people applaud you and are saying you are doing the right thing, but by the same token you have people who look down on you because they think you should be messing around with as many guys as possible and they make it look so cool and so glamorous to have sex with as many different people as possible and say that you are a uptight little prude or a stuck-up little priss and make some snide, nasty remarks along the lines of"you're too fat and ugly to ever have someone be attracted to you or want to be with you and love you" or that "you're too old, fat and ugly to find someone" or my personal favorite,"if you don't do it, they will find some other woman that will" if you don't live your life like that and I have to also compete for guys closer to my age with other women that are 95% of the time, younger and prettier that will do that for a man.
Again, these are things I have been told and that I have observed and noticed in my search for someone that I could settle down and start a family with who will unconditionally love me as well as accept and appreciate me for who I am as a woman and what I have to give to them and offer them. I might be confused or might have the wrong idea about this all together. If you have any thoughts on this I would like to hear them because I just don't know and I hope and pray to God that there are still some decent gentlemen out there. God bless you and be with you
Moving on with my life after getting hurt once again- an update
Posted : 5 Mar, 2010 03:01 AM
A few weeks ago I wrote on the forum just after I got dumped and rejected once again by someone that I thought loved me for me and wanted to be with me and I was so upset over it I was in tears and ready to give up ever finding love because I was just sick and tired of getting hurt and thought I would never find anyone that will ever love me for who I am simply because I thought I wasn't good enough for anyone to love me. I got a lot of great advice and it helped me a lot and I am grateful that people wanted to help me. I know it's been a while, but I thought I would give an update on the situation and what's happened since then. I found out a few days later that the reason my ex-bf dumped me was because his family and friends were putting ideas in his head about me that were not true, like what do you think she's doing when she's not talking to you, making it look like I was messing around and cheating on him with other guys and that I was only after him for his money or what he could do for me...and I am not that kind of woman because that kind of stuff goes against everything I believe in and stand for from a moral and ethical standpoint, but they managed to convince him that I was even though according to what he had told me about his family and friends..well lets just say they are not exactly saints or perfect little angels themselves and from what I heard about what they do and how they live their lives they have no right talking about anyone or judging anyone on anything they do or thinking that they're so morally superior to everyone else, which is one of the reasons why I don't judge anyone regardless because I know that nobody's perfect and the only one that has any right to judge anyone is God and I am most definitely not even remotely interested in doing His job.
Fast forward to a few days after I heard the real story he tried to apologize for what happened even though he denied knowing about it but I know he was in the room when all that was going on because I could hear him in the background but didn't want to take responsibility and face up to what he did, but I told him that while I accepted his apology and I do forgive him because God expects us to forgive everyone, but since he apparently thought it was ok to let his friends call me all kinds of vulgar names that I will not mention here simply because this is a christian site and since his family and friends thought I was only after his money and thought I wasn't good enough for him and especially since he couldn't break up with me himself, he had his friends do it for him, that we didn't have anything else to discuss and when he can be the good man that I thought he was and that I know he can be, he knew where to find me if he wanted to talk, but don't expect me to be waiting for him because I could be with someone else by then. I know that it sounded cold for me to say that to him, but that's how I had felt and that's just how hurt I was.
You never know what will happen, only God knows what's going to happen. I will be honest and say that it hurt a lot, but I think that its better it happened now than later like if we were together for a while or if we had got married or if I had got pregnant, because if they were willing to make up that kind of stuff about me to come in between me and him, God only knows what other kind of stuff they would have said about me on down the line and I know the meddling would have went on and on and they would have got their way regardless because I believe that the meddling and interfering by his family and friends would have never ended no matter what happened. Don't get me wrong, when I am with someone, I would never come in between him and his family and friends because I strongly believe that those relationships are important and I would have been polite and respectful towards them regardless of whether I liked them or got along with them or not, but if all they wanted to do was meddle in mine and his relationship and I can only speculate as to why they kept interfering and things of that nature, then it would have caused a lot of problems long-term simply because there is so much anyone can take before they have enough. I believe I can find someone better that is a real God-fearing man that has his life together and that will love me for who I am, not someone who lets other people make decisions for him and run his life for him.
I believe that everything happens for a reason and maybe he wasn't the right one for me to settle down with and start a life and family with, I was just really scared to death that at 29 years old, I truly thought that this might very well be my last chance to have the husband and family I have always dreamed about because I am definitely not getting any younger...but as much as I would love more than anything in this world to start a family and have as many kids as God will allow me to have and that He sees fit to bless me with, I shouldn't bring innocent children into a dysfunctional situation such as what I had described and allow them go through the pain and drama like that and maybe there will be someone else that will love me and appreciate me for who I am as a woman and who wants the same things as I do, a man that wants to settle down and start a life and family together with someone that would love him and appreciate him for who he is unconditionally and I treat people the same as I would like to be treated by them no matter what. I have praying to God to not only give me the strength to deal with that, but for Him to guide me and show me what He wants for me as He's been doing for me the last 4 years when I turned my life over to God and lead me to the one lucky man that He wants me to find who will give me the love that I would like to have for the rest of my life. Well, thanks for your help, everyone and if you have any thoughts or advice for me, I would love to hear it. God bless you and be with you always and always put Him first in everything you do
well, its been a while, but here's an update on the situation...I found out a few days later that the reason my ex-bf dumped me was because his family and friends were putting ideas in his head about me, like what do you think she's doing when she's not talking to you, making it look like I was messing around on him with other guys and that I was only after him for his money or what he could do for me...and I am not that kind of woman but they managed to convince him that I was even though according to what he had told me about his family and friends..well lets just say they are not exactly saints or perfect little angels themselves and from what I heard about what they do and how they live their lives they have no right talking about anyone or judging anyone on anything they do, which is one of the reasons why I don't judge anyone regardless because the only one that has any right to judge anyone is God.
Fast forward to a few days after then he tried to apologize for what happened, but I told him that I accepted his apology and I do forgive him, but since he thought it was ok to let his friends call me all kinds of vulgar names that I will not mention here and since his family and friends thought I was only after his money and thought I wasn't good enough for him and especially since he couldn't break up with me himself, he had his friends do it for him, that we didn't have anything else to discuss and when he can be the good man that I thought he was and that I know he can be, he knew where to find me if he wanted to talk, but don't expect me to be waiting for him because I could be with someone else by then.
You never know what will happen, only God knows what's going to happen. It hurt a lot, im not gonna lie, but I think that its better it happened now than later like if we were together for a while or if we had got married or if I had got pregnant, because if they were willing to make up that kind of stuff about me to come in between me and him, God only knows what other kind of stuff they would have said about me and I know the meddling would have went on and on and they would have got their way regardless. Don't get me wrong, when I am with someone, I would never come in between him and his family and friends because I know that those relationships are important and I would have been polite and respectful towards them regardless of whether I liked them or not, but if all they wanted to do was meddle in the relationship that was between me and him, then it would have caused a lot of problems long-term simply because there is so much anyone can take. I believe I can find someone better that is a real God-fearing man that has his life together and that will love me for who I am, not someone that lets other people make decisions for him and run his life for him.
I believe that everything happens for a reason and maybe he wasn't the right one for me to settle down with and start a life and family with, I was just really scared to death that at 29 years old, I truly thought that this may be my last chance to have the husband and family I always dreamed about because I am definitely not getting any younger...but as much as I would love to start a family and have as many kids as God will let me have, I shouldn't bring innocent children into a dysfunctional situation such as that. Well, thanks for your help, everyone and if you have any thoughts or advice for me, I would love to hear it. God bless you and be with you always
