How should a man persue a christian mate? Should he ask God to send him a woman or should he go looking for one?
Posted : 8 Feb, 2009 11:13 AM
Hey there,
It all starts with God. I am not as learned in some areas as many of our esteemed cohort, but, when in doubt, take it to the Lord.
Also, the USA has a hangup about adult children living with their parents. In other countries, the kids live with their parents until it swaps and the parents live with the kids. For adult children to move off is an insult to the family unit. The family unit works together financially, emotionally, etc. and is much stronger for the contributions of everyone. So, if you and your parents are happy with your situation, it really is no one else's business.
For schooling, I'm sure you realize there are many programs available besides traditional universities. In addition to vocational training, mentorships, internships, and apprentiships can provide opportunities. If you aren't happy with your current job, do a personal inventory of strengths and weaknesses (often local junior colleges offer these for free). Pray about it and try something else. You do not have to attend school full-time either. Currently, I work full-time and attend classes full-time. It is rather overwhelming. There are folks in the program who do one or the other part-time.
Concerning marriage, give yourself time. Maybe you aren't ready. Maybe she isn't ready. If you take a chick who has only started hatching and peel the egg off, the chick often dies. The chick needs the struggle of hatching in order to survive. We try to rush things when God has a schedule for things and His schedule is SO much better than ours. Just think of the divorce rate nowdays. People rush rather than waiting on the Lord.
Another might have better advice...but my suggestion:
Relax. Enjoy the life you currently have.If there is something about yourself you don't like, work on changing it. Enjoy your parents. You won't have them forever. Take this time and prepare yourself for your future mate. Grow i your faith. Become the man you are meant to be.
I have the same problem. The big city 2 hours away has churches with programs for older singles, but not my small town. So, it is either drive LONG distance or ..... well, nothing. If you find an answer, please share the info. :)
How should a man persue a christian mate? Should he ask God to send him a woman or should he go looking for one?
Posted : 7 Feb, 2009 02:14 PM
Well Walter,
You have just shattered my hopes and dreams. Here I was thinking that the guy would knock and there would be a monster arrow over his head and a flashing sigh saying....pick me, pick me while angels sang the Hallelujah Chorus. Sigh. Another one bites the dust.
Thank you for the laugh and smile. Humor can explain a serious situation somtimes better than anything else.
What an interesting and insightful phrase: Give God a chance to prune our future partners. That makes total sense. He can nurture them, prune them back where needed, and mold them until they are just right for us. And in the meantime, do the same for us. Thank you for that delightful, inspirational, and very appropriate analogy.
I don't recall playing the name game as a young girl....but then, that was many moons ago. As for later, I always assumed I would take my husband's name. Now though, there is simply no way I would. Because of my age and education, it would be incredibly difficult, expensive, not to mention risky with the chance for multiple errors. So, if he wishes my name, great. But, my name is not changing.
yegads. I couldn't scrape together 26K if my life depended on it.
Wry smile, I guess that is why scammers avoid me. I'm already involved with someone who is sucking me dry.....a university:angeldevil:. And that is LEGAL. Shaking head sadly.
Lol, Ephesians, you do like to walk on the edge of the blade/skate on thin ice.
While not exactly bad, a gentleman would need to be VERY careful of WHEN he said those things and HOW he said them. Just as certain things are taboo with guys, the same applies with ladies. As long as you know your love's buttons and are not pushing them, go for it.
Otherwise, be glad there are come couches and recliners that sleep almost as well as your bed.
Big words are easy to twist. So are convoluted thoughts. So, let's take this down a level and just go for one of the topics mentioned.
Premarital sex between two folks who are hypothetically in love:
The couple are so much in love they need to anticipate the wedding date. Premarital sex, yes? Well, hmmm. Let's think about that. If a man truly loves a woman he would not want to hurt her. Would you agree with that?
Well, how much can happen in a few months? A woman can become pregnant and the man hurt/killed/etc., leaving their child illegitimate and with no father to help raise or provide for them. Goodness, that would definitely hurt her.
But hey, a momentary pleasure is worth the gamble, right? Having just had the "joy" of supervising a high school sex ed. lecture (shudder) complete with graphic slides of STDs, I am rethinking shaking hands with nuns, priests, and 5 yr olds....forget anything else. (My brain is scarred for life).
God made rules to protect us. Just as willful children rail against the rules parents enact to protect them, we try to find ways around God's rules. The child with the face covered in chocolate frosting swearing she didn't eat any cake.....so are we before our Lord with our sins evident. We need to stop trying to figure out how to get around God's rules and realize He gave them to us to protect us because for some very odd reason, He actually loves us. Not that we deserve that love, but I am so glad He continues in spite of multitudinous faults and failings.
The author posted a very important component in saying culture. A person's cultural background and beliefs will determine to a great degree the effectiveness of this approach.
You ask whether it would be a benefit. I must ask you....to whom? A benefit to yourself? to your future wife? to me? or to people in general?
My take on it is that the American culture embraces "McDonald's" marriages and "Burger King" divorces. I heard this phrase used as an analogy to explain our high divorce rate. It does make one think.
We have expectations that are so high, a poor guy would need to be Superman to meet them. No wonder divorce rates are
Arranged marriages lower expectations in some ways, but raises them in others. Not a bad idea to have those who know us best to look out for our interests. Entering into the relationship, both parties realize the relationship will take work. Neither assumes nor takes things for granted. Also, this method helps ensure parties are equally yoked.
All in all, something worth thinking about and investigating. Why limit God? If God is invited into a marriage, and then His will sought and followed throughout, my thought is that much of the rest becomes fluff.
If I ask the question, I would appreciate an honest response.
Also, there are times when an honest, not so great comment, is greatly appreciated. You used the example of an outfit not being flattering. A true friend tells me when something I am wearing looks bad or makes me look terrible. I really appreciate that. Rather like walking out of the restroom with toilet paper stuck on the shoe, I may be embarrassed at first, but its better to be embarrassed with a friend than to be embarrassed in public.
