Seeking Emotionally & Mentally Healthy, Godly Wife

Male | 52
British Columbia
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A Marriage Partner
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Do you drink?
Willing to relocate?
Possibly, who knows
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Do you have children?
Do you want children?
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History, God, exercise, writing, communication, social psychology, psychology, child psychology, relationships, self help, speaking, road trips, movies, story telling, science, comparative religion, child rearing, education, crafting,
About Me
Though this is a legitimate profile, it reads more like a public service announcement. There are good reasons for this:
1. Most, if not all of you, either are ignorant about how to work on a relationship, or simply just don't care.
2. Way too many of you are manipulative with logical fallacies and hopelessly embedded in codependent control.
3. Women, like men today, are as self centered and selfish as they are ignorant and confused, and as such are completely Undateable!

Looking for a partner who understands on a deeper level what it takes not merely to 'w eed' out those who are not compatible or good candidates, but find those that are. (This site won't let you use the word, 'w eed' in any context. Though I do not use pot, I find censoring this word to be completely ridiculous. There are many Christians who use pot for medicinal purposes. It is not a sin or illegal for that matter. As a Christian myself, I find Christians are probably the most dogmatically judgemental people globally next to Muslims that one could ever have The Misfortune to find.)
If you or anyone else is capable of reading all the way through and comprehending this profile, and still wish to contact me, I will be shocked and surprised to say the least. This is not to say that I will be immediately enamoured with you for doing so, as some have already tried to prove me wrong and show me up with false and disingenuous intentions.

The profile:

I have a child, and as such I believe it is important for you to understand:
I believe your partner comes first before the children. I'm not suggesting the children don't matter. On the contrary, if the adults in the home have prioritized one another in a healthy functional way, everything else, (the children), will fall into place. Children rely on their parents for stability and to learn healthy boundries. Manipulators and abusers are not included in this dynamic and should be thrown to the 4 winds. Not only should people like that be relegated beneath you, beneath your children and the family pet, including your extended family and friends, they should be utterly rejected and thrown out entirely, but a decent partner should be given equal parentage power in home.
Inviting a non abusive new spouse into your family, placing them in the parent office without giving them the power that goes along with it, is as unfair and abusive as it is dysfunctional, and harmful to everyone in the family unit. Forcing someone into a third wheel position, where the children and others can walk all over them, is an indication of mental and emotional sickness of the initial caregiver.
You are not doing your children any favors through 3rd wheeling your new or existing spouse. Everyone suffers in this backwards, empty system of hand tying, scape-goating, false projection, hostage-taking and blackmail. Your spouse must be your equal as a respected co-equal parent, or you have no business whatsoever having a new partner, in the home, or otherwise.
If your children really did come first, then you'd be on the same page with your partner and place them above your children in the same spot you are. Anything else is dysfunctional, and just plain immoral.
Famllies work best when the adults maintain functional relationships with eachother first and foremost, above the children and pets, or any other extended family member, friends of the family, or employment.
What you think of yourself or like to do for your down time, or what you or your friends and family think of you, is not nearly as important as what you're like in person, long term. People tend to put on their best behavior when advertising themselves, so it's hard to tell who a person is through their profile write up.
I don't play that game. Though I am deliberately putting my best foot forward initially, I want it clear that I have my flaws and bad days like anyone, but you can be sure I will treat you with respect and speak bravely and honestly.
I will not act or speak to you like a watered down, brainwashed Christian fanatic, putting on a form of godliness but denying the power thereof. I take my 30+ year relationship with my Father very seriously, so you can expect me to speak in normal, regular day to day language and not like some Christian poser signaling my virtue, that you will think I am strong Christian or extra spiritual. If you have a strong connection with God, you will not need to say so. I love God and he loves me and that should be good enough for a decent, stable woman.
I think finding a suitable woman, (believer and non-believer alike), is almost next to impossible and possibly even entirely futile. sometimes I ask myself why I even bother. The truth is, I continued searching because of the hope I have in my heart that not all women are irreparably broken.
I have seen my fair share incompatible and incapable women. The dysfunction is so wide spread, that even the exceptions are no exception, but alas, here I am hoping in earnest that there is one woman who is capable.
Just because you're a Christian does not automatically mean you are mentally or emotionally healthy. Just as simply going to church doesn’t somehow make you a Christian, any more than going to movies makes you a movie star.
Many men and women gravitate toward unhealthy coping mechanisms they picked up within their families of origin or other upbringing, and bring it into their adult relationships/marriages. Trauma in life is common and no one escapes it. Stress, dysfunction and abuse are pretty standard experiences from our childhoods and our adult lives, so let's not pretend we didn't see our fair share. Claiming 'your' or 'other's' experiences are mere "baggage" to push away and deny, is as unhealthy as it is irresponsible and immature.
Anyone who says they have "dealt with it", most certainly have not.
There is no such thing as "dealt with", only, "dealing with", or "coping with". Visiting the trauma once or twice does not constitute 100% healing, any more than reading your Bible once or twice makes you a bible expert. Anyone who has done their "Shadow work", will know that it is an ongoing process of revisiting and bravely processing their traumam/anxiety on a continuous and ongoing basis. So called "Triggers" are important signs which inform us of unresolved psycho-emotive issues rising up from our subconscious for our conscious mind to deal with in the now. Triggers are the healing points, if not surpressed, avoided or denied.
"Shadow work is not, "negative" or 'evil", "living in the past", or "dwelling". "Dwelling" is actually only a thing if you refuse to work through the thoughts and feelings bravely upon each trigger. Dealing with the past is not at all the same as "living in the past". Refusing to process the memories/emotions out of fear of what others might think in our ever "positive" and heavily "new age" influenced social lives, Christian or secular, is what actually creates the stagnant "living in the past" existential crisis in the first place.

Relationships fail due to dysfunctional communication and missing or incomplete personal psychological skills and emotional regulation. (Everyone is affected, so being uncomfortable with my words, is not a sign I am wrong, immature, mixed up or unhealthy, but rather a sign that you feel attacked and are very much in denial.)

Codependency is so wide spread and prevalent that most people are unaware of it. The vast majority of people find thenselves on there own levels of codependent enmeshment within their families of origin, current families, co-workers, friends, churches and in general society as a whole, whether you're Christian or secular.
The dysfunctional tools of co dependency are called "logical fallacies"; which are the manipulative and dishonest weapons of power and control used to get what we want or fuel we need to survive, instead of healthily building that energy for ourselves. (The list can be found online through a simple internet search for "logical fallacies". These are very important to look up and understand.)
Calling yourself a Christian and being recognised as a Christian, doesn't not predispose you from being a narcissist, borderline, or codependent abuser, bent on controlling or using your partner or anyone around you. Co-dependency is very common in society, yet vastly, people have no idea they engage in this type of dysfunctional behavior, out of uneducated ignorance.
“Red flags” are not dislikes or deferred preferences. "Logical fallacies" are the "red flags" we have all heard about, "Red flags" are not just addictive behaviors, physical, or financial abuse, but have their origins in deeper psychological and emotional dysfunction. Discovering "logical fallacies", or incorrect logic/ leaps of logic, in a potential partner is the fastest way to determine what a person will be like in the future, and whether or not they are compatible. If they resort to tricks or manipulation in any initial mild conflict, it will only be a matter of time before they do far worse to you later.

Another way you can tell if someone is caught in a cycle of manipulative codependent abuse, is through what they will allow others to do to them. The “hypocrite trap” is one in which you will allow those who you perceive to be above you, to control and manipulate you, because you are controlling and manipulating those beneith you. You would be a hypocrite otherwise. It is this 'hypocritical trap' that keeps you entrenched in a vicious cycle of passive then aggressive false control, self loathing, guilt and shame. Logical fallacies are emotionally and mentally abusive. You do not have the right to use them against others just because someone else is using them against you, just as others abusing you gives you no right to abuse them in return. Abuse is wrong no matter what, even through perceived justification.
Only through understanding "logical fallacies" and doing your "shadow work" can you free yourself from the self imposed psycho-emotional prison cycle and find functional relationships with strength and longevity. Otherwise, you are entirely wasting your time with strife and non-functioning or failed relationships.

Many well meaning people, including Christians, include an expiry date into their Romantic relationships, under the guise of the ever popular, "long term relationship". Whether "short-term" or "long-term", it still remains a "term", in that, it is still only a period of time, and a far cry from a "life time commitment", or "marriage".
"Long term relationships" of the well meaning and moral, find themselves at the mercy of their own ignorance and fear, cutting relationships short in divorce, amounting to nothing more than serial monogamy. (glorified fornication)
A serious lack of education, self awareness and personal effort contribute to the confusing maze of ignorant and close-mindedness that lead to cyclic relationship failures.
Understanding "logical fallacies" will allow you to identify and avoid being manipulated by them as well as refraining from using them against others. Couples who understand these mind tricks and refuse to use them, stand a better chance of staying together.
Are you looking for a man who understands these things and who is able to “relationship”, beyond the codependent enmeshed pedestrianism of the typical contemporary romantic relationship? Being a bible believing Christian is great, but it is only the starting place or foundation upon which we grow and study to show ourselve approved before our Father.
There is a huge created universe of topics and understandings not found in the bible or even the apocryphal books. I am not talking about other doctrine or ideology, (there is only one way to the father... through Jesus Christ), but diverse subjects that cannot be learned through tunneling our vision into religiously narrow perceptions of reality, with such subjects as, technology, science, psychology, math, and so many others I’m sure you can come up with.
Not everything can be found in your bible, but your relationship foundation with your Father in heaven absolutely can be. Drinking only milk, is for babies, not for adults, though a foundation of milk are the basics we must touch base with often. Eating sold food is what God had in mind for us when we are adults..
No one is of perfect psychological or emotional health, or without character flaws. I an no exception. I'm also not saying I am an expert on any of the topics I have shared here, but you can be assured I will be real and honest with you and that I am diligently seeking the truth of God and earnestly seeking a woman who is on her own Journey of understanding these things also.
You can expect a serious mind, but also a joker, best friend, lover, leader, experienced adult, insecure fool, and superhero all wrapped in one.
Who a potential wife happens to be, with all her gifts, querks, flaws and frailties is outside my knowledge. I can only imagine parts of you.
She just loves me and sees my potential, as she looks past my insecurities and limitations.
She admires me and encourage me while overlooking my foolishness and forgiving my mistakes. She is not perfect either, but deals with herself honestly and courageously as she trusts our Father while working out her relationship with him, placing him in the highest priority.
She is not afraid to challenge and sharpen me in ways I can not do for myself. I will also think she is amazing and beautiful, sexy and lovable. I would automatically want to please and do many things for you. Outside these things I imagine, I have no idea what she is like.
Fantasizing about her only brings me a lonely, tired realization that so far, she is not real, in my life. I am prepared to die without her when that times comes, but I have asked God to bring my helper, lover, friend, and wife to me before then, but time is running out. To feel decades wasted without her, is depressing enough as it is, but to never find her, is a defeat, I would rather not live with. If that be God's will or if women are to self centered or mixed up, then so be it. I will not compromise on a healthy relationship. perhaps God has something different in mind for me.
I am looking for a woman who can relate to me and understand me, who says to herself or out loud, "I want that one right there", as she points at me, "I want what he's got!”, “I want him!”, "I want you!", then go after me with her tact and patience, with all her skills and brave forthrightness. If this is you, please contact me.
Weak, frightened or lazy/ignorant communicators not wanted. Relationship maintenance apathy is not a sign your partner is "high maintenance, but rather that you are impossible to please, and that you are the ‘very’ "high maintenance" object in your inverted projection.
You do want a functional, healthy, life relationship don't you? Then hear my words and consider me. We may not be compatible in other important ways, such as personality, or psycical attraction, but at least two worthy minds connected and gave each other a chance.
There are so many obstacles men face online dating. Women face their own of course, but one serious obstacle is overwhelmingly unbalanced in favour of women, which in turn harms both men and women equally.
For instance, it is extremely rare that men receive first time messages from women. Men are expected to make first contact about 99% of the time, and so feel obligated to make first contact. Yet, when men do make first contact, they will only receive a reply from about 5% of those they message. on a Christian dating site, the percentage drops to near zero.
Women enjoy the luxury to pick and choose, while men crowd women’s inbox with an inundation of messages, putting themselves in a position where men feel the need to bend over backwards in an exhausting and vain attempt to impress. This competition of testosterone, only encourages manipulative posturing and creates an unsafe environment where confidence artisans catfishers are compelled to rise to the top.
It should be even playing field, but it is not. It's quite shameful really. Both genders are being played off each other in an unbalanced manufactured gender war and are either resigned to it or have no idea what is going. Going with the flow only perpetuates the confusion and disconnection, creating animosity, jealousy and jaded disillusionment, on both sides.
Women are thus coddled and manipulated by men who compete for their attention. It's lazy entitlement on the part of women, but it is entirely men’s faults for creating this misogynistic, white night dynamic. Women are conditioned to expect the better man to fulfill their generally unrealistic checklist, even if they imagine themselves to be independent and empowered.
For starters no woman, (or man, for that matter), is truely independent. So called “independent” women, would not have gotten where they are today without the help of others. Secondly, true empowerment comes from within, not from the outside.
Feisty, sassy and mean, is actually not very attractive to healthy minded men. It come across as what it really is; competitive condescension, which is decidedly manipulative and codependent.
Women can not be independent and empowered if they've got Cinderella complexes, expecting men to do all the impressing and Romancing. If you want to be romanced, try Romancing. Women will browse men's profiles but will not contact them. Instead, women leave it open-ended as to whether or not a man should contact them, giving women the upper hand to pick and choose or reject.
A man might see a wonderful female profile and think to himself, 'she sounds great'. So he sends her a message, only to get no reply whatsoever. This scenario is repeated over and over and over and over again. Because the man has hope in his heart that he will finally make a connection he continues his endless first time messaging. In reality, he is wasting his time, because women are in a position where they can hold out for something better. Since they are inundated with messages from eager men to choose from, women become extremely fussy and overly demanding. In this cause, there is quite literally no pleasing them at all. They will continue to jump from one male profile to the other in a vain attempt to discover what they could be missing. It is rather pathetic really.
For a lot of men, it's not that they are misogynists simps, but rather they just didn't realize how many men were dogpiling each female profile. A lot men simply do not realize how much competition there is for each woman.
Misogynist “white-knight”, “simp”, and “incel” men are mostly to blame for this imbalance, while women, only encouraged this ridiculous vicious cycle you’tbroigh putting in the least ammount of effort. The end result of course, is a lack of connection, which results in, loneliness, disappointment, jealousy mistrust and manipulation.
Many women are also unaware that men generally receive very few messages, while women are inundated. Naïve women might actually think men receive the same amount. As a result, women do not understand why a man has become frustrated with women who reject them. It’s not that the woman is dealing with a selfish man child, but rather because a good man has been rejected one too many times in a lazey echo chamber void of responces.
Again, placing woman so high up on a false pedestal is men's own fault. Men need to stop messaging women and let women overcome there gender conditioning, get a backbone and put some actual effort in.
I have receive such messages as,"You're not going to get a date with such a “Negative attitude" or "message", or "Putting women down isn't going to get you a girlfriend.", are obvious insights into the sheer ignorance and manipulation within the messaging gender disparity. Proper labelling of behaviour is not unfair negativity directed at women, nor is it “putting women down”! Both genders are to blame for this Fiasco.
Pointing out bad behavior in others, no more makes me a negative person, than pointing out criminal activity to the police makes me a criminal.
Women can’t expect men to solve this problem single-handedly. Women can take it upon themselves to put in more effort. Equality is about doing an equal amount of work.
Women need to stop being so fussy. Nor should they, settle for a man temporarily until they can find something better. You just need to choose ‘a good enough man’ and decide to love him.

The following is from a female social psychologist who is trying to change the Dilemma:
The Husband Store
“There’s a store in New York City called The Husband Store, where women can go to choose a husband. At the entrance to the store is this sign: “You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!”
Inside, there are six floors; and the men’s value increases as women ascend each flight of stairs. They are permitted to choose any man they want from a particular floor, or they can choose to go up another floor. They cannot, however, go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes into the store to find a husband. On the first floor the signs says, “These men have jobs.” On the second floor, the sign says, “These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.”
Wow, the woman thinks. This is great! Nevertheless, she keeps going. She goes to the fourth floor, and the sign there says, “These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking, and help with the housework.”
“Mercy me!” the woman says, “I can hardly stand it!” Yet still she goes up to the fifth floor. And the sign there reads, “These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.” The woman is tempted to stop there, but she doesn’t.
Instead she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads, “You are visitor 3,261,496,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.”
To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opens The Wife Store just across the street. On the first floor are wives who love sex. On the second floor are wives who love sex and who are kind. On the third floor are wives who love sex, who are kind, and who enjoy sports.
The fourth, fifth, and sixth floors have never been visited.”

The moral of course, is stop being so fussy and just choose a man and love him. I'm not talking about accepting manipulators or abusers, I'm talking about, lowering your standards to reasonable place where are a decent man stands a chance. There's always going to be a better man, but if you weren't so fickle, fearful and uncertain, you would commit yourself to a life partner, instead of sitting around for months and years on dating websites, or find yourself in a string of promiscuity and serial monogamy.

Life partner refers to life commitment. If you can't do that, you have no business dating at all. What you really want, in that case, is to sleep around like a common fornicator. A relationship with an expiry built-in is not much of a relationship.
If that's what you want then by all means, far be it from me to stand in your way, but at the very least could you be honest about it? Otherwise, it amounts to nothing more than catfishing. Lying and misrepresenting yourself to get laid, is not only unnecessary, it’s just outright morally wrong.
Seriously, if all you can see is negativity in my profile then you really have not understood and just want to avoid conviction while you continue to justify your dysfunctional decisions and actions with a decidedly new age avoidance technique. The kind of woman I want will understand what I have said and agree with me 100% wholeheartedly. She will also not pass the buck and condescend with false empathy. She will stand up and make herself the woman in my life.
I am very easy to please. All I ask is you have a working understanding and aversion to “logical fallacies”, “co-dependency” and otherwise abusive physical, mental and emotional behaviors.
Women generally want that feel-good romance vibe from a man. I would offer that to you, but only if you’re worthy of it. On a public platform like this, I can’t be sure if any of you might deserve such a thing from me. I would have to say most of you don’t deserve it one little bit, so I’m not about to inundate my profile with Cinderella bait. I’m looking for a woman who’s got her psycho emotive like together and not just pretends to or thinks she has.
I can understand that two people may not be physically or personality compatible and may not be attracted to one another. That is always disappointing, but let those be the only reasons we reject one another and not dysfunction or abuse related issues.
I'm not looking for the kind of woman who just doesn’t get it, or seems to go out of her way to misunderstand what I’m saying. This type of woman can go pound sand as far as I’m concerned. I’m not here to please a woman exclusively. She should also bear responsibility of impressing me as well. The only type of woman who would take issue with my statements here, are the very type of woman that I do not want contacting me. In this case it would be her with irreconcilable issues, not me. I have said nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with me. I do not need to be gas-lit, corrected or set straight. I’m absolutely right. I may have missed some points, but otherwise I am completely correct in my determinations.
I do expect to go the rest of my life without finding the woman I’m looking for. It’s not that my expectations are unrealistically high, though in a world full of dysfunctional and obedient automatons, it might seem that way. I just don’t want a dysfunctional abusive relationship with an expiry date built in.
Loyalty, respect, reciprocation, dedication, real communication, longevity, honesty and love can be yours. But, if you have no natural affection or not yet reached down and pulled your head out, I'm afraid we will Clash.
If you actually want a lifetime committed and know how to communicate healthily, then you know where to send a message. You can expect to be treated with respect, love and loyalty for the rest of your life within a committed monogamous and healthy relationship, where we work through the hurdles as we traverse the peaks and valleys together.
if this frightens you, you might want to consider what you're even doing on a Christian dating site in the first place.
First Date
Lets message, audio, video call, then do coffee or go for a walk.
Play it by ear.
but none of this is likely to happen considering how messed up you think you aren't.
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